[hayya]

I had a man in my life. He left me for the other lady which is more than 8 year older than him.
I prayed a lot to Allah 4 his sympathy, love and care.
When I used to pray and did vazifas, he loved me very much. After 24 hours, when I leave praying or doing vazifas for him he became stranger to me. I had very hard time. I also did istikhara one year ago for him which was resulted very badly.
But I could not have strength to live without him.
And he consistently says that no need to talk now and that he cannot leave that woman at any cost.
I turned psychotic.
My mama forces me to eat by hook or crook one day.
I started abusing her and then slapped her...
What should I do now?
I belong to a broken family. My father gave divorce to my mom when I was 2 year old. The environment of my home was never being so healthy and comfortable.
I have no friends in this world.
Nothing remains for me now... no one even likes me to talk and befriend with me. I cannot do anything properly, I feel very inferior. I also happen to commit so many sins. I am accountable to endure Allah's rage because I do everything with full conscious but I find no courage to fight with my own Nafs.
*** suggest me something.

[joypulv]

Since when is Allah full of rage? Allow yourself to be forgiven, and forgive yourself.
Hug your mother and tell her you are sorry, and promise her that you will help her, love her, and try to eat each day. Remember what she has gone through too, being left by your father. She isn't so different from you in this. Ask her to talk about it, and tell her what you went through. It isn't your fault that you didn't have a father's love and that it has hurt your ability to find the love of a good man.

As for sins (if you really committed any): The best way to make amends for any past acts is to do kind and loving acts now and in the future. Balancing the scales.

Start healing with family. Visit nieces and nephews and cousins and aunts and uncles, and play with the children, and someday something good will happen out of it. Maybe you and your mother could adopt an orphan, who has gone through what each of you went through.