[NovemberRain]

Okay here's the situation :

There was a girl in my class. She was the cutest girl I have ever seen. She was shy , and kind. (not to mention beatiful) She were sitting behind me. We were in same class for two months.I love shy people and I'm shy around them too. We were a good match , we understood each other and supported each other. I treated her with respect and I became good friends. Before I promote the upper class , I told her how I feel. But she rejected me , she said I was a very good person and that she was sad to reject me and said she hopes we can stay friends. (Which I thought I could easily do) , I thanked her for understanding and taking it well. I said to her that I hope we'll be friends too. Then the next day , things accured to me. Being friends with a girl that rejected you is just a torture. Everything's uncomfortable and awkward. And when girls reject you they say they want to stay friends. They usually just mean "I don't like you that way". So if we tried to stay friends , things would be uncomfortable and I would feel like a pathetic loser , who's desperately looking a friendly word from her. A needy loser , if you will.

And I hate to feel like that. So I explained her(over the phone , by text) that we can't stay friends when every move she makes still makes my heart beat like crazy. And I explained her that she wouldn't feel comfortable around me anymore. I apoligised and I said from now on , I'm not going to bother her again.

She responded "okay , howewer you want. I just don't want you to be upset anymore.and know this : I'm nothing like you think I am , I am not that precious or good. "

This just blows my mind. What is this , a freakin' melodrama ? Anyway I didn't reply that. I kept my promise about never bothering her again. And I haven't talked to her since then. It's been three months. But now , I don't think I expressed myself right to her. And I realised that cutting her out was wrong. Yeah staying friends is fooling yourself but , I miss her too much and now and I want to speak with her one last time. I want to tell her why I didn't want to stay friends , and I want to tell her that my feelings for her was not a temporary thing like I thought. I just want to tell her that I missed her and that I'm sorry things became awkward between us. Because now I think she was too nice to lose. But we don't speak each other. When we see each other we walk fast in different directions. And there's a part of me saying : "this is not over." I feel it every time I see her , and I know she feels that too because when we notice each other , there's a weird tention that makes us both uncomfortoble.I first thought it was a small crush but I still love her and now I want to explain myself to her , and ask her what she's thinking about me , about us. Maybe she wasn't looking for a relationship this year (we're studying for college). The reason she rejected me is still a mystery to me. (although it's probably she doesn't love me back. But I don't know what she really feels about me) I want to talk to her , and I can even be friends with her.

I miss her so much but it's been three months. Is the damage permanent ? Am I fooling myself and not letting it go for good ? Or should I insist and have a talk with her ? I'm very confused. Please , any suggestion will be treasured. Help me.

[talaniman]

Leave her alone period and find other things to do. People to see. I never took reject personally because it was more about them than me, so don't let it rattle you and keep doing your thing until you get accepted.

Next time a female says we can be friends just say okay and see what happens later. You don't have to make it worse with the feelings drama.

[NovemberRain]

I thought about calling her and talk it over. Would that be right ?

[talaniman]

What good would that do? You won't change her mind. How about leaving her alone for a while, and stop obsessing on her. Your efforts to fix things will only make things worse and add to the misery and confusion.

There has to be other more interesting, fun things to do. That's how you get through rejection, by letting it go. Not trying to force things.