[nyxynyx]

Hey everyone,

I'm in a relationship with this girl that I like and I am facing quite a few problems. We are both students in graduate school.

Firstly in a social setting, she tends to ignore me and just chat with others. She doesn't look at me when I talk to her when others are around and only looks at other people when she talks. She refuses to acknowledge me as her boyfriend and introduces me to her friends as her friend. She does not want her Facebook status to be 'in a relationship' claiming it will hurt her career.

While walking around outside, she doesn't like to hold hands in public, and never did. When she walks, she walks slightly ahead of and not by my side, and very often when I take a left turn while walking in front of her, she will take a right turn and totally ignores that I'm there.

She also seems to not like some of my gifts, and states it blatantly. I created a birthday gift for her consisting of a necklace and a cute stuffed toy and she liked the toy but inspects the necklace for 5 minutes real close and complained that there is a defect on the necklace. I could only see a tiny dot coming out of the bottom of the necklace. I also gave her flowers and a bag once, she liked the rose but is furious that I gave her an inferior bag which she says is not worth the $20 spent to buy it, and that I should have not gave it to her at all. She wants me to return it to the store or give it to my baby cousin.

What annoys me the most is whenever I make plans to go out, like a roadtrip, and have decided on the place to go, room to get, how to get there, she almost always have something crop up, or some excuses to delay or cancel the trip. This includes larger plans like trips down to last minute cancellation of meals even though she already knew in advance we can't eat together, she only tells me when I finally ask her for dinner in person. All the time and effort spent on planning is all wasted and gets me frustrated. It is also very hard to get her to go out, be it movies, shopping, hanging around outside doing something together. She refuses to hang out in my room and prefers I hang out in hers. The only interaction time is when we eat together, and we don't speak much when eating.

She says I am too sticky and seems to be excluding me from her activities. However she keeps saying that she still like me (not love) and that I have became nicer but still not nice enough. When I text her 'good night darling!' she just replies without the pet names. She used to.

Want to add that we do get close together when Im at her place, and she once said she was worried I feel upset when another guy suddenly turn up with a birthday cake on her birthday before I arrive, and felt really stressed up in that situation. So its not like she totally ignores me.

What is wrong here? What should I do?

[J_9]

She sounds like a selfish little... *ouch I bit my tongue too hard!

Time to cut your losses with this one. She doesn't care about anyone but herself.

[guitarteacher18]

I second the notion made by J_9
If a relationship is causing so much stress without any benefits to you, you should really get out.
She seems verry self serving and probubly only has you around for her own gratification
The concern she may show when you appeared to be jealous of another man may have been just her seeing if you care enough to stick around, if you know what I mean, like her seeing if she could really milk you for all your worth, I guess, sorry
I've been in a lot of relationships like this, granted I'm in high school and I assume you're an adult, but it does seem to me that her behavior reflects that of a teenage girl
Your buying her stuff, which is really sweet of you, but she ignores the thought and focuses on the object
Your wanting to take her out, wanting to be seen together, and that should be a big deal to her
Your embracing her while she is pushing you away and that's not right, the way I see it is you're a catch man, yeah, from what I read you're a nice guy, and you care about her
But you need to find someone who can fully apreciate you like you deserve
I know it sucks when someone tells you that you need to dump a girl you've been with, but you do, you need to dump her

[answerme_tender]

My question is why you would ever put up with being treated like her dog!! Goodness does she have you trained to sit and fetch when told!! Iam sure she hasn't taught you to do special tricks because she doesn't want anyone to even know that she is even involved with you!!

Does she make you that happy in this so called dating situation that you are willing to be the dirty piece of trash that she dragged out of street to her little miss princess role? Come on bud, you need to pick up yourself confidence up and get the heck away from her as fast as your trashy feet can carry you!!

For future info--when a woman isn't interested enough to even introduce to her friends, or even ackowledge you out in public, it's a extremely good sign that she doesn't give a rat's about you or how you feel towards her. To her your nothing more then walking batteries, breathing batteries.

You deserve better and next time make sure you don't settle for LESS. One more thing,please do not base all woman on this self centered unfeeling woman. There is a lady out there for you, who will love you and cherish the gifts you give for no other reason, but that you gave them. Her eyes will light up every time you are near her, and she will be proud to be the lady on your arm!! Take care

[answerme_tender]

Wanted to add, make sure you go "NO contact" with her.

[talaniman]

Ever hear of opposites clashing? That's what you have, as you are one way she is another, and you appear to want more than she can give because your like is a bit deeper than hers.

I don't know if its just style or not, but you better back up and take things a lot more casually than you are and not put all your eggs in her basket. You are not the priority that you have made her and frankly sound better as friends than a couple. Without knowing how long you have been dating I have to say this is not a relationship, exclusive, or committed, but friends who go out when they meet, or when there is a free spot in the schedule.

By all means back way off and I wouldn't waste a lot of time on her, casual dating maybe, but I would sure have other things to do that made me happy, and if you and her have no mutual agreement to be exclusive, then you are free to do whatever you please with whomever you please.

Maybe that's why she introduces you as a friend, because that's all you are. That's cool, friends is great, but I doubt the romance is really there on her part, at least not they way you want it to be, but what's disturbing, MY girl would get dumped, if she was always canceling plans without a damn good reason.

[nyxynyx]

Do you feel it is better to spend time together at the girl's place, or have her come over to mine? Are there any rules to this?

[talaniman]

No rules. But why not both??

[jakester]

nyxynyx - if I were your homeboy and you asked me "What is wrong here? What should I do?", and I gave you advice similarly to the others above and then you came back with:

"Do you feel it is better to spend time together at the girl's place, or have her come over to mine? Are there any rules to this?" I would slap the hell out of you... in a loving way of course.

Dude, you are totally missing the point of what everyone has already said here and you are focusing on simple logistics: her place or yours.

You have to wake up, man, and seriously look at the giant elephant standing in the room.

I don't want to be too hard on you because I care... but you are missing the point if you are asking whether you should meet at her place or yours.

You seem to have crossed a line of self-respect for yourself and you no longer appear to your girlfriend as a confident, self-respecting man but a dog like answermetender said. Maybe that was your fault or maybe she just really likes to treat men that way... I can't say for certain.

My advice... try not calling her for a couple of days. And when you do, just be brief and say that you wanted to see how she's been... make small chat about things and say that you have something that you have to do so you'll have to cut her short. It may seem like you are playing a game but if you've been smothering her, she may appreciate that you are backing off a bit. And if you have been smothering her, why are you doing that? What's going on with you? Are you afraid of her leaving? Are you not happy with yourself?

If you can objectively say that you are not smothering her and nobody else who knows you as a couple would believe that you were, perhaps you have a real hard woman to please on your hands. It doesn't sound like you much appreciate being treated the way you are, so if are doing right by her and are being treated poorly, then why stay in that kind of relationship? Otherwise, you have to consider how you are acting and figure out if you are projecting your insecurities onto her and are destroying the relationship.

Peace, bro.

[Cat1864]

nyxynyx, is the question about my place or hers referring to the same woman your original question is about? If so, you have more issues that need fixing than whose place. You have already received excellent advice on them.

If it is about a new person, then communicate and compromise. If either of you are dealing with roommates or neighbors, take them into account when making the decision. If you are going to go out or hang out together, you should be able to come to an agreement over where to go.

Why not alternate between the two places with a healthy dose of neither?

[nyxynyx]

The advise for the original question has been very good, thank you! I had a really good chat with her and she apologised saying its her first relationship so now I'm giving her another chance, then that's it. Thanks!

For the my place or her's question, somehow the moderator here merged it into the other thread!

[talaniman]

Thanks for clearing that up for us. Your threads were merged because they are about the same relationship, and glad you got back with her.