[Symbelmine]

Ok guys.. Here's a tough one!

Remember my last post? I broke my long distance relationship off 4 months ago, I dated another guy, then told my ex I still missed him, he told me he did too, we started having regular contact and realize we have feelings for each other, I told him its very probable that Im going to go and study in his country he was happy and we said we were going to give us a real try.. The day I confirmed him Im going to go for sure he told me the day before he kissed this girl and started seeing her and said he didn't know what is going to happen with her, he said he still wants to try it with me but can't promise me anything.
Not long ago ( last monday) he told me he's not going out with her and we made plans for when I get there.. I was sooo happy! I said FINALLY! Im going to be there and he's going to be with ME!
That was my last post.

But after that last post of mine some things happened:

I went in his myspace and found that the same day he told me he's not with her, she sent him a message saying: "Its been a while.. whats new with you.. blabla.. Im gonna go to this club on friday, maybe see you there?" And he answered and said "Nothing's new, yes Ill go on friday talk to you on before that.. ttyl"

It proved he was being honest and it seemed like a normal message.. Not flirty or anything. So on Friday ( the same Friday they were going to go to that club) I talked to him..
I was trying to be nice and flirty but he didn't respond. He was all weird and "un-sweet".. He was kind of "avoiding" me and my attempts to be sweet.

I went straight to the point and said.. : "So you told me ure not with this girl.. What happened?" and he said they still talk and he doesn't know what will happen with her.. He told me she asked him out but he didn't know what to do and told me that's why he's been so stressed lately..
I asked him what he meant and told him to tell me cause I give good advice.. He said he was afriad they would hook up. So asked him what's the problem if she likes him and he likes her.. And he said "Yes, but ure coming" "Thats why I have no freaking idea what to do" so I said " So what? Its fine with me" and he said "You have no idea how much I like you". He said if we're together and then I leave again he won't be able to take it.. And he said its not fine with me and he said he knew I was mad and told me to stop pretending like I don't care, cause he knows I do.

Long story short I controlled all my anger, sadness and used the " Im your friend" aproach..
I told him to do something about her if he likes her and not to do it if he doesn't like her. I talked to him as a friend.. I told him Im his friend and want to keep his friendship and told him he could trust me. I told him to do what he thinks is best and to go for the girl he likes the most.
He tole me she's awesome but her parents are strict and boring and he would have to go for dinners etc.. (Dumb excuses)
He said " Ok, Say I wont go for her.. and Ill be with you for sure.. But are you ok with seeing me only once or twice a week?" ( he lives in another city)
I said If that's what he really wants I wouldn't mind cause we've been apart for longer periods..
He told me everything. He said one night he was at a bar and he got drunk, she kissed him and she thought he liked her and everybody thought so, but then days went on and she called, texted and he didn't do anything about it. So all her friends and herself thought he's an .
He said now she contacted him again and if he doesn't do something everybody will hate him..
So I told him: Yes she likes you. But you never did anything about her.. Could it be you don't like her as much? You only kissed when your drunk.. Does that tell you something? Would you really go out with her just so her friends don't hate you?
He said he "kind of" likes her but never as much as he likes me.. And I told him I'm sure she doesn't like him as much as I do..
I told him I hope I helped him to make up his mind and asked him something :
Say you go out with her and it gets serious.. You and me.. Were going to be friends and I guess we'll go out.. You say you like me more than you like her.. So how are you going to feel when you see me? Trapped? You won't be able to kiss me or do anything cause you'll be serious with this girl?
And he said: You're right.
He said he had to go. I told him I know he has the answer. He told me he would talk to me the next day and I told him to do so and tell me what's up. He said he will tell me everything. We wished each other a good time and said goodbye..


I felt this was a very honest conversation from both ends.. He told me what he feels.. He told the truth and opened up.. He trusts me. I can see from what he told me he's not really interested in her.. Im the one he really wants and he just can't be with her knowing Im going to be there soon.. If she's so nice and if she likes him so much.. Then the problem is HIM. He doesn't like her enough.. She's right there.. What's the problem?
I am the problem. Its me. And he knows it.

What's your interpretation? We all know he's confused.. But what's most likely to happen?
Is he going to go for her.. Or is he going to come for me? What can you predict by the conversation?

Sorry for the LONG post..
And thanks for your help and honesty!:)

SYM

[talaniman]

Well since he had a life without you before you got there, why should he give it up nly to have you dissapoint him. He doesn't have a lot of confidence in this relationship. I can only refer you back to your other post and the answer I gave you then. You two are too disconnected to last. You broke with him once you'll do it again so I can understand how he feels.

[Symbelmine]

Yes.. I get what you mean.. I understand him also.. But the way I see things, you shouldn't think of the consecuences.. I live for the moment. Yes Im going to be gone in a year.. But that's an entire year.. Might as well make good use of it.. Who know's maybe we break up even before Im gone again.. And we realize its not meant to be, instead of living with the doubts and "what if's".. Man, am I the only person who thinks like that? If he has stronger feelings for me than for this girl which is obvious why lie to himself? Why be with some one you " kind of like" when you could have the real deal.. Even if its only for a period? I mean.. You, as a man.. Could you resist having the girl you really like right there in front of you while you are with some other girl you don't even like that much? I mean, if I were him Id give it a shot with the one I really like.. In fact that's what I AM doing. I know Im going to be gone eventually and its going to hurt me too, but why not enjoy that time together?! GOSH! I am getting so sick of this. This could be so simple if he wanted it to be simple.. But he complicated himself! I wouldn't hurt him on purpose and if it REALLY works I could even stay there and finish my career over there!! WHO KNOWSSSS!!
Plus.. Not to be shallow, but I am far better looking than this girl and my humor and caracter are more compatible with his.. SO ITS SO CLEAR IM THE RIGHT CHOICE! Damn it!.
This issues don't even let me sleep good at night anymoreeee.. Im getting pimples out of STRESS! But I can't quit cause that means SHE WINS.. Im soooo CLOSE now to give up.

[freebird1981]

"SHE WINS.. Im soooo CLOSE now to give up." it's a relationship not a competition! Its not about who wins and gets the guy, its about making the right life choices.he is thinking about long term and if I had the choice, and I knew that my partner would be gone in a year I don't think I would want to waste that time with that person knowing that after a year my feelings would be stronger, why enter into a realtioship again knowing that it is going to end? Give him space and time and let him make his mind up,if he wants you he will come to you and you will be the first to know

[BeYond ConfuSed -_-]

Okay so this guy is obviously confused. It all depends on how much you like this dude. If you like him only a little, it's not a big deal what he does. If you like him a lot, confront him. And if he already knows, don't you think it's awkward for him to be going with two girls that really like him? I say, c' la vies. Don't wait up for him if he can't decide, if you feel stronger for him than he does for you just move on and maybe when he decides to do something and make a mmove with you, then you can start over, it's never too late.

[Wildcat21]

There WILL ALWAYS be other guys and girls - always - UNTIL you both decide to be eclusive. Some folks start exclusive from the start - some date others.

Long distance reltionships are impossible. I don't recommend them tyo anyone - people can lie, cheat, and steal right behind your back.

I don't think you can trust this guy. Yu made it easy for him to lie.

[Symbelmine]

Yes.. Its true its not a competition.. But how would you feel if another individual made a move on the person want? I do think it's a competition. Every relationship is a competition against other girls/guys.. Its ultimately HIS choice, but that choice is going to depend on what he sees in his options ( this girl and me) Sooo.. Pretty much, yeah, I have to outshine my opponent. That's how I see it. I already made my choice. Im going to that country and study and I want to be with him cause he's the person I really like. I'm in love with him.. Its not about " liking" him anymore.
And he likes the girl, but with me its also more than like.. I know it, he knows it, he's told me and its clear! If it were me I would be sooo happy if the person Ive been waiting for so long finally came close to me and I would break up with Brad Pitt if I had to to be with the one I really care about, even if its for a period! Anyway, no relationship is forever!
As for trusting this guy, you're wrong in that one. If there's one thing about him is that ge's honest. I always find out about what happens with him via other people or any other way he has no idea about and he always tells me the truth I already knew. That's how I know for certain he doesn't lie to me.