[Woeisme15]

Well I've known this guy for almost 2 Weeks the first time I seen him I had no interest to even say hi to him, then we got stuck in 1 room together we had no choice but to talk "we were in a waiting room" so after talking for over 2 hours straight I liked him a lot and ever since then we would talk everyday, he told me about he's ex the first time we talked but I didn't think nothing of it.. now since the pass few days he's been really depressed about he's ex he never gave me full detail's cause he hate's talking about it but.. I try and give him the best addvice I could,  telling him what happen to me and my ex and how I got over it but I could hear in he's voice and it's not working so greate, witch I don't blame him, cause when your in that situation it's really hard to have hope that your going to get over it sooner or later, anyway I told him I like him but that's the furthest I went I don't know him that well so I want to take things slow specially cause his heart is broken and the last thing on he's mind is a new girlfriend so I'm going to help him get over it and be there for him while I can
 THE SECRET IS I feel the same way he does about he's ex..  I feel depressed and ugly and out of his league and that I'm stupid for even liking him I feel as if I'm always going to like him and he will never ever like me even if he does get over his ex... my heart aches all day with emotional pain, I wait anxiously for replys when he text me and when he has to go I can't sleep or eat till he talks to me.. What bothers me the most is cause he has no idea how much I like him, he's everything I want I fell for him so fast he's so sweet!. He don't curse he don't lie He likes everything I like we have so much in Common I just seriously don't know what to do, when I told him I like him all he said was *I'm still getting over my ex* witch makes no sense to me cause he always flirts with me tells me I make him feel better, what do I do seriously stop getting so attached and call it quiets or stick with him till he gets over it?


Sorry if I didn't make sense I'm not good at telling my proublems and by the way he's ex Girlfriend is beautiful witch makes me feel even more hopeless

[awayandalone]

You shouldn't be confused. He was very honest with you by saying he is still getting over his ex. Im in the same situation he is and really not looking to date anyone. It sounds like you to have a good thing. If you like him, be there for him as a friend but don't push anymore than that. If he's a decent guy he probably doesn't want to hurt you as rebound. Give him the time to heal and just enjoy getting to know each other. Never feel down on yourself either. You sound like a confident and great girl. Don't push thing let time do its work. Hope it works out for you.

[talaniman]

You met a nice guy and you want to be his girlfriend, and the problem is that he sees you as a friend. That's the conflict, and the only way for you to proceed is to back off and keep things in perspective, because he has honestly said he CANNOT see you the way you want him to.

That's does mean making a choice to either give up the romantic notions, and focus strictly on friendship, or being honest enough with yourself to not fall into the trap of trying to be a friend with the hope of something more than just a friendship.

Nursing someone through bad times will not give you the results YOU want. If you continue with that false hope, it will tear you apart, so back up and stop being so available to these nursing sessions, refuse to discuss his ex and give advice, and balance your life with other things.

Like all doctors and nurses and caregivers, when the patient recovers and gets stronger, they no longer depend on the caregiver, and they resume their life. Now many have fallen in love with their nurses, that's not unusual at all, but that's not the majority that goes off living happily ever after.

Recognize this for yourself, and avoid the trap of false hope and unrealistic expectations when you deal with a hurt, flawed human being such as he is who needs a friend, not a girlfriend. Choose what you do about this very carefully, and PROTECT your heart, while you fill that need to help.

Much to soon to get carried away with your own feelings, and give your heart to a stranger. Slow down so you can evaluate better, and deal with your own personal issues that may be getting in the way of seeing this friendship you have latched onto in a healthier way.

[Woeisme15]

Threads merged



K well he still love's his Ex and they went out for about 11 months she broke up with him a few time's and said she lost feelings and some times used weird excuses!! She was his first love and first kiss, he gave her everything she wanted including expensive gifts and a lot of attention and love..

I'm guessing he smothered her too much that she kind of got sick of it and backed off?. Her little brother told him that " she just went out with you for your looks " I try and give him advice but to be honest I suck at that I don't know what to say to him to give him hope or make him feel better, every time he gets depressed I go in joke mode to make him laugh and forget about it witch works a lot but I feel bad cause I don't know what to say to him..

I told him about my past ex and how I got over it and how I felt the same way does, and when I did get over it, my ex finally seen what he lost and how he wanted me back but I didn't have feelings for him no more.. That didn't work so then I said why don't you try and fix it??  it seems like you both left it in a tragedy and didn't bother to talk about it after?  That didn't work...

Then I gave him more advice by saying she doesn't live up to your standard's you deserve someone so much better cause seriously he really does he's a really sweet funny guy.. And that god was just preparing him And making him stronger for the next relationship so this way you no how to handle it better and it didn't work out cause god has someone better in mind.. So that worked a little but he only feels better when I tell him jokes and ignore it so I don't know what to do.. What should I tell him?

[I wish]

Tell him that it's going to take time to get over a break up and that you would be there to support him if he needed it.

Maybe suggest to him to come on this forum himself so that we can help him directly.

[ken007nielsen]

Sticky page, written by Friend4you178!

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had too much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidentally. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

[talaniman]

You have tried your best, and you really have to back off the advice and just support him through this hard time. All the talking in the world won't speed up his healing, and frankly he is going to have to step up to the plate himself, and do for himself. You can support him, but you can't heal him. That's his job!

[Woeisme15]

Threads merged.

I honestly thought they were done from what I heard, specialy cause she was such a huge ***** about everything to "the one that cares less has more power in the relationship" told him I liked him guess he didn't care so he just used me as a rebound then again he told 1 of my friends that he wants to be fair with me...

I guess being fair meant using me to make him feel better then throwing me away when he was done?. I basically got my hope's up to high that my least worry was she was going to take him back but obviously I was wrong.. so was he for asking me advice about it even though he knew I liked him and it hurted me :(... what do I do now?

I blocked and deleted him and made my sister change my password's to all my site's so I won't check nothing so I can focus on having fun while it last "im on vacation for 1 month" and healing.. I plan on not having any contact with him for at least afew month's... which is going to be super hard but I need the will power maybe you can help me, what should I do ?

Stop talking to him still be he's friend, am I really just a rebound? Is he still going to stay with her? Am I going to be over him in afew months? All these questions I have no answer to.. I want to be more specific but I don't no how but ill try..

He went out with her for 8 months threw those 8 months they were on and off cause she kept maken up excuses not to call him see him etc.. They didn't talk for 2 months.. those 2 months I was there helping him threw it giving him all the advice in the world taken things off he's mind trying to make him feel better not out of pity though, I like him so I realllly did feel bad for him every time he was sad I was sad to cause I didn't like seeing him depressed cause he's such a greate guy, maybe I'm wrong though.. he never said thank you 1 time to me from all that cheering him up, never thought twice about "oh what if i hurt her feelings" maybe he's just being selfish cause he's heart broken I don't know..

Thank you to all the people that took the time to read and comment this I'm sorry if I confused you I'm not good at telling my feelings/story's to people lol very much apreciated thank yous god bless yous

[joypulv]

You have pretty much covered all that you have to do, and you are doing it. Not easy, I know.
Some people just love a rocky relationship and will keep going back to it while dabbling in 'nice' people once in a while. You were being used in a way, but he may have really thought you were just a confidant and not realized you were in love. Tell yourself over and over how angry you are but also admit that you allowed yourself to fall for it - it takes two to tango (I'm saying that so that you won't get stuck just on anger at him).
PS: I like your statement 'the one who cares less has more power.' Sadly, that happens so so much.

[martinizing2]

As joy said,
You did a good job breaking down the problems in your relationship, and in coming up with good solutions.

Don't contact him , no calls, no Facebook, no text, if you see him don't even wave.

Being the rebound "dummy" to a person that will use people like that is a long painful process that some repeat over and over. Never learning what you already seem to know.

It will hurt, it won't be easy, it won't happen fast, but it has to be done and the sooner the better.

Stay focused on you. Do what you need to do to heal , and he will fade away and be replaced by someone who will put you in a priority of their life you deserve... to be someone's priority. Not a rebound dummy.

[answerme_tender]

I think you are on right path of going NO CONTACT with him. However were you say that you will not have contact with him for a coule of months, and that you are still trying to get confirmation that he used for rebound.

Well I not think he used you as a rebound. I think he really was trying to get a perspective on HIS BREAKUP with his girlfriend from a female point of view. He wasn't wanting a romantic type of relationship with you. He may of come to realize that you had a crush on him.

Now to be honest I am not real sure from your post as to what exactly you mean by using. Are you meaning sexually or just by hanging out with you and not acting more involved with the friendship? I guess how your interpret using will able me to finish my thoughts on this.

[talaniman]

You did a great job of helping him through a hard time, and now he is strong enough to do his thing again, but you feel empty, and left behind. You were warned of that, so let him go, heal, and you will find someone who appreciates such a caring person. He did not, his bad!

[Woeisme15]

Threads merged


All right.. well I'm going to make this short cause I pretty much explained what happened in my other message things?.

anyway I Like this guy I know him since 3 months now.. he would always flirt with me and talk to me a lot but still is hurting over his ex... I think he's using me to make him feel better I really don't no to be honest and I think most of feb I didn't talk to him cause he got back with her and actaully had the guts to ask me for addvice even though he new I liked him so much and NEVER SAID THANK YOU!! I meant all the addvice I gave to him from the bottem of my heart to.. its not like I don't want him to be happy and I don't like his girlfriend its just... don't lead me on if your not going to like me back..

I couldn't stand the thought of seeing him with her or talking to him and having him telling me how happy they are together cause that would make me so sad yet happy for him cause he really deserve's it.. I decided to give up all contact with him I didn't speak to him for most of feb... around the end of feb I BUY MISTAKE! Clicked my friend... who is also my crush's friend twitter profile and red what she said.. it was pretty much about me and she was like "we both no she cares so much bout you.. stop leading her on shes a greate girl" bla bla bla stuff like that, I red what he said back he was like "i know but she blocked me and i really dont want a relationship right now she broke up with me again" so she told him that she'll make me unblock him..

okay I was NOT sappose to read that BTW.. so afew days pass by she calls me explains what happens "i already know i jusr act like i didnt" told me to give it a shot even if he don't like me back for me to be his friend till he heals from his heartache, I gave it a shot so I started talking to him againn!! The first few weeks was perfectly fine we were both flirting with each other and hanging out a lot then I finally got the guts to tell him how I really feel.. and it litterly went downhill he brang up that "im still not over my ex its hard i like you to but i dont wanna hurt you im just telling you the truth" I apreciate him being honest, I really got pisst cause HE KEEP LEADING ME ON!!

***!? I'm the most nicest loving person I don't judge people cause I know how it feels to be judged every time someone needs a shoulder to cry on I'm right there for them cheering them up I'm always worrieing about my friends I'll become your friend in seconds I really don't get why I deserve this I believe in jesus christ my lord and savior I pray to him I am a very godly person yet this still happen's to me where did I go wrongg?

... I never act like a creep with him ans smother him till he got freaked out I was never like that it was mostly friendly flirt I never asked anything uncomfterble I never was flattery with him I really don't get it, I understand the whole heartbreak he's going threw and that he don't want a girlfriend but I would really apreciate for him to stop messing up my life to..

I'm so confuse cause of this I really really don't no what to do. I need help so bad and I don't know where to turn I asked my best friends they tell me to keep away so when I do he calls me text me and wants to hang out so I give inn!? Why.. cause I alway's think oh maybe he does like me.. my god I'm so stupid...

ps.. thank you to everyone who took the time to read this and comment it I really apreciate it thanks =]

[amicon]

He's a jerk.

Listen to your friends and when next he calls, tell him you want nothing more to do with him.

[talaniman]

Its hard to blame just him in all this, when you knew where his head was from the beginning. That was confirmed by the Facebook comments between him and your friend. I think you gave into the feelings of FALSE HOPE, instead of all the FACTS you had that said stay away. Worst, you chose to follow his lead instead of being honest with YOURSELF first, him second, and your friends most of all and got talked into having even more FALSE HOPE!

Don't be mad at him, just be aware of the part you played in this drama that allowed your feelings to get in the way of the facts, and make some drastic changes.

No human can use, or lead on another without help, and cooperation. You cooperated greatly in your own hurt. Now leave him and his hurt alone, and cooperate greatly in your own healing. Enough of being sucked into the drama of another, no matter how good your intentions are.

[pixiemoore]

I have just read "I Hate His Ex!", by Alex Moore, found it really useful. I now feel able to resolve my relationship problems finally! :) :)