[question111]

Ok first of all I am 21 she is 20. On Feb. 14th we will be together 6 years. We have always planned to get married this year when I graduate college but she suddenly has huge problems.

It all stated in October she said she wants a break and doesn't want a boyfriend right now. She had a packed schedule with school and work and when she did talk and hang out with me I fought with her for no reason. Ok so we fought I gave her the break I said no contact and nos hanging out. After 1 day she text ed me saying she missed me. Two days later she wrote me an email saying she wants to get married and it would kill her to live with out me. It also said she wants to have my kids and get married in the next few years. Ok at the end of the week break we got back together and she asked me when are we getting engaged and married I said when I get a job and graduate.

Ok everything was back to normal but then she started telling me she didn't want to hang out because she wanted to see her friends. I said cool that normal. Then a week later, new years eve, we fought and she said I do not like you any more. We fought and she said when I'm with you I am unhappy but when I'm away from you I'm happy. I said OK lets stay together but you hang out with your friends and ill hang out with mine. The next day we hang out lol we play tennis had sex and had a good time. Ok the next day she went over her friends. While she was there she tried messaging me and called me a ton and I didn't answer until I called her at 2:30a.m.. When I called she said,"you think not answering will make me jealous? No! It makes me not like you, bye. Ok, i drove to her house that next morning and she said i hate you i want to break up and i don't see our future anymore. She then goes to work and texts me, what do you think of everything? I said, "I think you want to leave me, your making a big mistake but I have to move on". Ok since then i asked her what is up with us she said "were together, I said when do you want to get married? She said when I am feeling better". I said ok, so were going to move on from here?" she said,"yes". Since then ,that was the 3rd of Jan, we hung out like normal and had sex like normal.

What do you think she is really felling? Pity or love?:confused:

[ordinaryguy]

You've been together since you were children, and neither of you knows who you are as an adult individual. You both need to find that out before you get married and try to make a life together. I'd say take at least a year break from one another and see if you still like each other after that. Right now, you're just in an emotional shoving match and slap fight that proves nothing except your shared confusion and immaturity.

[talaniman]

What do you think she is really felling? Pity or love?:confused:

CONFUSION. You both are at the start of your young life and she has no clue what she wants. I also thnk she is scared because after all, all she knows is you. I agree with ordinaryguy as it seems she needs time to find herself and figure what she wants in life. I don't think she is ready for marriage at all. Get through college and get a job before jumping into a big thing like marriage.

[chuff]

Q111 I've got to give you a ton of credit. You appear to be handling this situation a lot better than I could at that age. I think you've done everything right but being older I also know the reality that is facing both of you. Neither of you will be the same at 24 than you are now. By the time your 28 you'll both be different even more. As people get older they change personalities, likes and dislikes, feelings, what's important, and beliefs. I think that is exactly what you girlfriend is experiencing.

I'm also going to have to say that I think what she's doing here is prepping herself for the eventual dump. In other words, I believe she wants out but she knows that if she did that she would feel an incredible loss after 6 years. So she's creating all these problems so that you will either dump her and that will not give her the guilt of hurting you or she is doing this as "test flight" so to speak. She's getting her courage up. She will do it for a short period then jump back in with you where it's safe. But eventually she builds a emotional pain tolerance for the final dump.

I would agree with ordinaryguy pull out and give yourselves a year apart. A year is a long time yet in the grand scheme of things it's really not that long. But whatever you decide be prepared because she's setting this up for the final breakup.

[summer123]

Ok first of all i am 21 she is 20. On Feb. 14th we will be together 6 years. We have always planned to get married this year when i graduate college but she suddenly has huge problems.

It all stated in October she said she wants a break and doesn't want a boyfriend right now. She had a packed schedule with school and work and when she did talk and hang out with me i fought with her for no reason. Ok so we fought i gave her the break i said no contact and nos hanging out. After 1 day she text ed me saying she missed me. Two days later she wrote me an email saying she wants to get married and it would kill her to live with out me. It also said she wants to have my kids and get married in the next few years. Ok at the end of the week break we got back together and she asked me when are we getting engaged and married i said when i get a job and graduate.

Ok everything was back to normal but then she started telling me she didn't want to hang out because she wanted to see her friends. I said cool that normal. Then a week later, new years eve, we fought and she said i do not like you any more. We fought and she said when I'm with you i am unhappy but when I'm away from you I'm happy. I said ok lets stay together but you hang out with your friends and ill hang out with mine. The next day we hang out lol we play tennis had sex and had a good time. Ok the next day she went over her friends. While she was there she tried messaging me and called me a ton and i didn't answer until i called her at 2:30a.m.. When i called she said,"you think not answering will make me jealous? No! It makes me not like you, bye. Ok, i drove to her house that next morning and she said i hate you i want to break up and i don't see our future anymore. She then goes to work and texts me, what do you think of everything? I said, "i think you want to leave me, your making a big mistake but i have to move on". Ok since then i asked her what is up with us she said "were together, i said when do you want to get married? she said when i am feeling better". I said ok, so were going to move on from here?" she said,"yes". Since then ,that was the 3rd of Jan, we hung out like normal and had sex like normal.

What do you think she is really felling? Pity or love?:confused:

I think that maybe she is scared of comittment, I know this because I have done exactly the same to my boyfriend, I change my mind constantly, and I can't decide what I want, she probably does love you a lot and that is what scares her... just talk to her and reasure her that you too will be together and that you love her, just to to talk to her even if she dosen't want to.

Kitty xxx

[Bsugar6969]

Ok first of all i am 21 she is 20. On Feb. 14th we will be together 6 years. We have always planned to get married this year when i graduate college but she suddenly has huge problems.

It all stated in October she said she wants a break and doesn't want a boyfriend right now. She had a packed schedule with school and work and when she did talk and hang out with me i fought with her for no reason. Ok so we fought i gave her the break i said no contact and nos hanging out. After 1 day she text ed me saying she missed me. Two days later she wrote me an email saying she wants to get married and it would kill her to live with out me. It also said she wants to have my kids and get married in the next few years. Ok at the end of the week break we got back together and she asked me when are we getting engaged and married i said when i get a job and graduate.

Ok everything was back to normal but then she started telling me she didn't want to hang out because she wanted to see her friends. I said cool that normal. Then a week later, new years eve, we fought and she said i do not like you any more. We fought and she said when I'm with you i am unhappy but when I'm away from you I'm happy. I said ok lets stay together but you hang out with your friends and ill hang out with mine. The next day we hang out lol we play tennis had sex and had a good time. Ok the next day she went over her friends. While she was there she tried messaging me and called me a ton and i didn't answer until i called her at 2:30a.m.. When i called she said,"you think not answering will make me jealous? No! It makes me not like you, bye. Ok, i drove to her house that next morning and she said i hate you i want to break up and i don't see our future anymore. She then goes to work and texts me, what do you think of everything? I said, "i think you want to leave me, your making a big mistake but i have to move on". Ok since then i asked her what is up with us she said "were together, i said when do you want to get married? she said when i am feeling better". I said ok, so were going to move on from here?" she said,"yes". Since then ,that was the 3rd of Jan, we hung out like normal and had sex like normal.

What do you think she is really felling? Pity or love?:confused:

I think that she is still young and confused!! She could be seeing someone else and not sure about the relationship!! Sometimes, if you stay away and see where it is going because it cost to get married! " Play, pay or go your happy way!!!"

[Bsugar6969]

I think she is still young and not sure about what she wants in life! She is still confused,
And maybe hanging out with man friends or girlfriends to meet new friends. Maybe if you stay away and see where it goes. Sometimes, we need space and figure things out. It cost to get married and its not cheap!! ( Play, pay or go your happy way! )

[question111]

It's not possible to grow and change and stay together. I don't understand I changed a ton I changed my beliefs, what I like, dislike I changed friends, I went from H.S. to college... I changed a ton and she has changed over the years as well and never wanted to break up.

My idea is it stemmed from this:
One day she didn't answer my text message for a while and we always texted in the morning to say hi. So finally after 3 hours I got a message hi. I got pissed I said a few things in the message and then I told her I cheated on her last year to get her mad. I only said that to get her mad and I convinced her it was a lie. Usually when I say something like that she brushes it off and ignores it. This time I hurt her and she said I want to break up and I don't like you anymore. We fought and she apologized but I begged her and I almost cried when I was on the phone with her. This was the first time I begged her for forgiveness usually she says you cheated on me fine bye. I hang up and we don't call each other for a few hours. That time I begged I don't know why but I did. Now ever since then I have been asking her are you happy and how do you feel about us and questions like that. Now I I do one thing wrong she comes at me and say I don't like you and I beg again I can't help it now. If she truly didn't like me why is she telling me she missed me. I don't message her. I know were still in love but I think she's on a power trip what do you think?

[summer123]

I think that you should not have tolde her that you cheated when you didn't, from a chicks perspective, that could ruin a relationship, if my boyfriend said that too me, then I would never trust him again, which would cause me to do exactly what she is doing.

[Skell]

Your both acting fairly immaturely! Her the way she too's and fro's and you the by telling her you cheated on her to get her mad all because you didn't get a SMS quick enough.

Come on! That is child's stuff!

I was in a similar position to you earlier last year. I had a girlfriend for 7 years and one day she woke up and told me wasn't in love with me any more and wanted to end the relationship.

She actually said she wanted a break which led to it ending. I didn't give her the space she asked for.

We also spoke about kids, marriage etc. But people do change as they get older. I am 24 and she will be 24 soon.

Its sad and its hard but it is a harsh reality that most people don't end up with their first love. As Chuff said this is because people want different things at 24 then they did at 18 and the same goes once you get to around 30 I imagine.

This is probably just going to be another example of a childhood romance that just didn't make it for many reasons. Some immature behavior in my opinion a major one!

The best thing you can do now is accept that this is over and move on with life.

No contact with her until you can both grow up a little and work out exactly what it is you want.

Right now I only see two confused people!

Good luck and stick around. There are many great people who can help you with the range of feelings you are going to go through!

[chuff]

It's not possible to grow and change and stay together. I don't understand i changed a ton i changed my beliefs, what i like, dislike i changed friends, i went from H.S. to college.... i changed a ton and she has changed over the years as well and never wanted to break up.

Yes in very, very, very rare circumstances it is possible to change and stay together. But that’s when the change is still consistent with what both want and they see in the other.

My idea is it stemmed from this:
One day she didn't answer my text message for a while and we always texted in the morning to say hi. So finally after 3 hours i got a message hi. I got pissed i said a few things in the message and then i told her i cheated on her last year to get her mad.

Are you nuts? You’ve been together 6 years and you can’t handle her not texting you for 3 hours? What are you in 3rd grade? To be honest that is absurd. Then as if that wasn’t stupid enough you actually said you were cheating. And that was done to get her mad. What the hell kind of relationship are you involved in? You actually go out of your way to piss her off and for what? To prove that you can do it? Honestly if I put up with that for 6 years (which by the way I wouldn’t because that crap would have stopped or I would have left) then I can totally understand why she wouldn’t want it anymore.

You know talked about growing and becoming different people, while that stupid behavior may have worked when she was a kid but she’s now entering adulthood and she wants a man, not a boy.

I only said that to get her mad and i convinced her it was a lie.

So you convinced her it was a lie. Is that to say it was really the truth?

Usually when i say something like that she brushes it off and ignores it. This time i hurt her and she said i want to break up and i don't like you anymore.

I don’t blame her. Quite honestly why would she want to put up with that. I’d rather be alone than listen to that BS.

We fought and she apologized

For what? Being on the wrong end of verbal and emotionally abuse?

but i begged her and i almost cried when i was on the phone with her. This was the first time i begged her for forgiveness usually she says you cheated on me fine bye. I hang up and we don't call each other for a few hours. That time i begged i don't know why but i did. Now ever since then i have been asking her are you happy and how do you feel about us and questions like that. Now i i do one thing wrong she comes at me and say i don't like you and i beg again i can't help it now.

This wasn’t one thing wrong. By your own admission you’ve done this before. And even if you don’t pull that line out you do purposely piss her off. So why would a 20 year old woman who’s looking at the rest of her life and already faced 6 years of this want to suffer anymore?

If she truly didn't like me why is she telling me she missed me. I don't message her. I know were still in love but i think shes on a power trip what do you think?

Well mark this one down because I wouldn’t normally say this but if she is on a power trip than good for her. She deserves it. You are incredibly immature to be playing these games with her. Are you afraid that if you were just a good guy that could entertain her, make her laugh, and be a man and go 3 hours without hearing from her that you would offend her? Are you afraid that if you can’t scare her into being with you she won’t. I can’t even begin to understand why someone would say “I cheated on you” to piss someone off. You’ve probably said it so much over the years that she doesn’t trust you. I sure wouldn’t. She probably even believes it. Is it any wonder she’s growing and becoming a different person? I wouldn’t want to be with someone that depresses me, that admittingly goes out his way to piss me off. I’ll tell you exactly what happened. She matured and you stayed the same. Elementary school bullying works in elementary school, possibly in middle school, some in high school but in the real world you not the baddest boy on the block anymore and your elementary school bullying methods just met real life. In real life they do nothing but get your rejection instead of people liking you because they feel they have too. She wants a man, if you want her become one.

[Megg]

I think that you may have said false things a bit too much. If your saying a lot of ''i did it to piss you off's'' that get's old so there's a problem. Why would you want to piss someone off whom you love? Maybe you just have anger issue's or are impacient. I'm the same way. I think its both of your fault's that your relationship isn't great. It take's two to tango. Both of you need to get serious and just come out with the things that have pissed you off, why and how you can fix it. Then talk about the things you've done for each other. If its true love you can fix it. I know I did. So if I did you can too.

[question111]

Chuff I tottally agree with what you said. I am tottally at fault. The girl has never did a thing to hurt me, all she tries to do is please me but I never let her know I appreciate it. I deserve what she is doing to me and I am going to take it like a man but I want to be better for her and I have over the past few months. I made many mistakes but I hope I didn't do any permanent damage. I even asked her to marry me 2 years ago but I took it back. I am abad person and I want to be better. I have been very nice to her as of late but she probably thins it just to get her back. I really want to change fir her because we are very much in love I just have security issues.

[Skell]

I think it is time to realise that your bad behaviour in the past has probably put this girl beyond your reach. Her trust has been breached and she probably feels she will never regain it. You can't have a relationship without trust.

You aren't a bad person. You just acted in very immature way. We have all done that at some stage.

But it is what you have learned from you bad beahviour that is the most important thing.

I hope you have learned a lot.

So it is time to accept that you have lost this one and yes it is going to hurt. But you have two options. You can mope around full of regret and not learn anything from the whole saga, or you can take your medicine, chalk it up to experience and get back out in the mix and keep on living.

I know which one id choose!