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dmartin53 · Jan 20, 2011, 09:04 AM

My ex and I were married 23 years. He was an abusive alcoholic that moved out a few times and only provided minimum support. He never attended any of the girls events and never bought them anything. I finally divorced him but my youngest sided with him and he has her believing the divorce was due to my new husband and that is why he started going out on me and drinking, but my husband and I didn't meet until a year after the divorce. I was always faithful to him. We have always thought my ex had a "Brain chemistry imbalance", he has driven a wedge between me, my daughter and her oldest sister and my youngest daughter has a son I am raising and have had since birth (she abandoned him)and she doesn't see him because she hates me? We haven't seen her or spoke for over 3 years and she says I am dead to her.She is 32 years old now and we adopted my grandson. I can't do anythng now I have no way to contact her and I just want to do something to hurt my ex for all this grief he has imposed for no reason other than I got fed up with his abuse. How can he control so many lives negatively and why would he want to

JudyKayTee · Jan 20, 2011, 10:20 AM

Yes, he could be bi-polar. What do you mean by "you just want to hurt" your ex for all the grief he has imposed..

He controls other people because he can and they allow it; he's probably the only one who knows why he wants to. Maybe he has control or self esteem issues.

dmartin53 · Jan 20, 2011, 11:41 AM

A good slap in the face might make me feel better:) I do think he has self esteem issues, he never finished high school and likes to brag about how much money he make,as a construction worker and he's always accused me of being the problem.

Wondergirl · Jan 20, 2011, 11:50 AM

He could be a just a plain ol' garden-variety narcissist, not even bipolar.

Only a therapist can get inside his head to figure out why he does what he does. Meanwhile, wanting revenge does nothing good for you. Is there some way we can help you move forward for your own mental health?

dmartin53 · Jan 20, 2011, 12:03 PM

I want my daughter to know the truth and be back in our lives but I don't know how to do that but pray for God to change her, and also I guess pray my spouse will stop influencing her with his untruths,do I cut her out of my life, how?

Wondergirl · Jan 20, 2011, 12:25 PM

Cut her out? Absolutely not!

Think about what you CAN do that would be constructive. You said you have no way of contacting her?

dmartin53 · Jan 20, 2011, 12:29 PM

Only know where she works but she's in another state 11 hours away, my ex is also in yet another state, I do have his cell number, should I call him and plead

Wondergirl · Jan 20, 2011, 12:37 PM

Would pleading be constructive? Would he listen?

Can you just sit tight for a while and get your own life together, find interesting things to do? God's on your side, I'm sure, so patience might just be the ticket right now.