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c.lee79 · Jan 19, 2011, 08:17 PM

I have been seeing a guy for a year tomorrow. We only committed about 3 months ago. I didn't push and neither did he. I see him 2 maybe 3 times a week. We both love sex so most of the time that's what we do, I am as much at fault I just want him when I am near him. He has taken me to his company xmas party and presented me to all of his co workers. Only when I text him I get a lot of lol in response. Even when I am being serious. We do not say I love you, though I am OK with that too. The thought of love terrifies me. He does tell me I am his and sometimes says the sweetest things to me. He does little things for me as well. I am back and forth on this a lot, I don't not trust him 100 percent he has quite the reputation for being a man whore, but seems to enjoy it when guys are jealous of him being with me. I feel like there is a lot of great sex but mostly that's it. He still talks to a lot of his exes as well but wants mine out of the picture. He says things like I hope there is no one else and he better be the only one. Please just tell me if he cares or what I am soooo confused and a little too old for all this at 30!! Should I move on or see where it goes?

Jake2008 · Jan 20, 2011, 11:34 AM

There are a couple of possibilities here.

1. He actually is a man whore, and is telling you what you need to hear in order to continue with his hobby.

2. If the two of you have agreed to a sex only relationship, you need to discuss the relationship, and where it is going.

3. If the two of you didn't agree to a sex only relationship, that seems to be all you have, and all you are sure of when you are with him, and again, you need to discuss the relationship, and figure out if it's going beyond the sack.

4. You say you are terrified of 'love', which he may be picking up on, thus continuing only with superficial texts, and sex.

5. That he has taken you to his company Christmas party, means squat.

6. With neither of you defining the boundaries and making a solid commitment, other than in the bedroom a few times a week, it is time (once again), to actually talk to each other, discuss your feelings, expectations, needs and wants, as well as doubts. This of course, with your clothes on.

7. That you are hedging is a good thing. Proceeding with caution is also a good thing, until you actually know a person well enough to realize you are, in fact, committed to him, and he to you.

8. You may wish to consider what, if any, distinction there is to be made between dating him for a year, and being 'committed' for three months.

9. If you are exclusively dating, it is important that boundaries are in place, for both your comfort levels. For example, he thinks its okay for him to keep in touch with ex girlfriends, but it is not okay for you to do the same. What does that tell you.

10. It is also possible that the change in the relationship to 'exclusive' is just not a place you are comfortable in, because he seems to be operating more on a casual dating platform, as before, and you are uneasy with perhaps being ready to invest more of yourself, but that does not seem to be reciprocated.

I think the most important thing to consider is, that if you still mistrust hiim, and are hedging on proceeding with a mutually exclusive relationship, realize that there is nothing stopping you from modifying the arrangement to where you ARE comfortable- even for the short term.

The second most important thing to consider is, setting aside a date and time, where the two of you can talk turkey, and put the cards on the table to clear the air, and the confusion as to where the two of you stand, and where the relationship is going.

Trust, followed closely by communication, are the most basic building blocks of any relationship. You need to know where you stand.

jamilarahim · Jan 24, 2011, 01:54 PM

I have to say that he probabily wants to move on. It is completely normal. I mean we all change meantally even physically at diffent times. Don't waste your time on him if he is treating you like you don't worth nothing. You deserve something better. My personal advise to you is that if you really love him then fess up. Confront him and tell him you love him. Like you he has feelings too. I know it is easy said then done but you have to give it a go. He probabily is wondering ow you are feeling but you just need to inform hi. I hope this is useful .