[Tuah_keke]

My parents split up when I was about 7. I used to see my dad all the time I was daddy's little girl. I had a brother who had a different mother as me and is 4 years older than me (13 going on 14). Me and him were my dad's only children at the time. My brother and I were very close. When hurricane katrina came a major change occurred. My father and grandmother moved to shreveport, Louisiana and I could only see them during summer breaks. My brother's mom started to keep my brother from being with my dad because he did not pay child support, he was not doing the right things,and he acted as if he didn't care for a short period. My dad started to have other children with other females and he did not really care for them. I do not have that close relationship with my father anymore nor my brother. To me I feel as if my father does not care about me any more. He rarely calls me, he didn't call me or get me anything for christmas, and he didn't get me anything for my bithday. He pays his child support and go about his business. I love my father and I wish he would love me. My father is now remarried and have another child with his wife. My mother is very supportive and loves me with all her heart. And I love her very much too. She CARES and SUPPORTS me no matter what. She supplies me with everything I need and buys me almost anything I want. It feels like I have a biological father but no dad. My brother is now 17 and he doesn't not want anything to do with my father because he was not there for him and I'm starting to feel the same way. I love my father though and I just want our old relationship back so can someone please help me!! I'm crying right now typing this I really don't know what to do with myself any more :'(

[cdad]

The only thing you can do is be there for your dad. As you get older your participation can and will change. Right now the dynamics are really complicated. Laters they will begin to ease. Be there but don't push too hard.

[Devorameira]

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship with your Dad. There is no excuse for his ignoring you, but sadly, there is nothing you can do to change it.

Why don't you tell him exactly how you feel? What do you have to lose? He may just be so involved with his new life that he needs to hear it to spring him back to the reality of the situation.

It may or may not help to tell him, but at least you will have told him how you feel and will have put the ball in his court.

Whatever you do, don't blame yourself. His not seeing you has nothing to do with you, it's all him, and he'll regret it one day.

[Jake2008]

Unfortunately, the actions and behaviours of many parents are selfish, and leave broken hearted children behind because of it.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to put a birthday card together, or send a Christmas gift. But there are some, like your father, who makes the choice to simply keep sending the support cheque, figuring that absolves them of any other responsibility to their children.

There is nothing you can do to change that. You can unfortunately, not make him be a better father to you. He has no excuses for how he has distanced himself from you, and if he had an understanding of how this has affected you, perhaps he would make an effort. But from what you have said, it doesn't sound likely.

It is difficult to accept, I understand that. My own father walked out when I was 12, and to this day, after I've raised two children of my own, it still hurts to think of those lonely years.

I would advise you when you are feeling this way, to get a diary or notebook, and write out your feelings. When this wave of lonliness hits, write it out as a constructive way of expressing your feelings. It will make it much easier to cope with. Whatever you are feeling- anger, sadness, confusion etc. write it all out. It will help.

If you have an address for your father, you might want to send him a Birthday Card, or Christmas card etc. just to keep a small reminder going that you are doing the right thing in keeping some sort of contact. I think more than that, for example writing out a letter etc. will only further distance him.

It is also quite possible that at some point in his life, he will understand how devastating his rejection of you was. IF that happens, you will then have a choice on whether or not to have a relationship, or not. And also define your own terms because you will be an adult.

And in the meanwhile, I'm glad that your mother is such a good mother, and person. I suspect that she would be quite willing to talk to you about how you are feeling, and I encourage you to have a heart to heart with her.

By keeping a diary, and talking to your mother (or a friend, or counsellor of some type-maybe at school), you deal with these emotions, instead of letting them fester, and make you even more misterable, depressed, and overwhelmed.

All the best to you.