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Flawrie · Jan 18, 2011, 02:52 PM

If you are a dumper, have you been thinking about getting back with your ex? Please share your story, For whatever reason you dumped your ex.. have you been missing them or trying to think of a way to get them back? If they have stopped contacting you and have moved on with there lives does this make you jealous and frustrated or happy?

He dumped me because he didn't know anymore,he was sick of the fighting. He hasn't said he loves me in about a year, and we have now been broken up two months. I told him I loved him a month ago and that was last time we talked. Do I let him go or do I call him and see how he is doing?

vanheart · Jan 24, 2011, 05:21 PM

Nope, just leave him alone. Do your own thing.

What, do you want to call him & find out he's doing just fine without you?

When someone dumps you, go NC.

acciosnivellus · Jan 24, 2011, 05:22 PM

No, don't call him. Yes I know you still love him and care about him, but seriously, why would you want to be with someone who hasn't told you they love you in a year?? Wouldn't you want a partner who absolutely adores and loves you without a doubt? Be the bigger person here. Calling him will only open up awkward lingering contact that will most likely go nowhere and leave you in more pain. Be brave and stand tall and walk away knowing you will someday meet someone who absolutely cherishes you. Until then, build a life that brings you satisfaction and happiness, and don't give him the time of day.

Flawrie · Jan 24, 2011, 06:06 PM

I know you guys are right, Its just that it's been a month and I thought NC would make him realise he miss's me but I haven't heard anything! I am scared he will move on with his life and forget me. I am struggling to forget him and I am so scared to see him in person, So I thought calling would remind him of me and make him think? I want him to knows I'm still interested and that it's not like I don't care anymore and have moved on... because what if he did change his mind or missed me in the slightest? If he thought I had moved on why would he contact me?

vanheart · Jan 24, 2011, 06:20 PM

You can't force someone. In fact, the less you know about him now, the better. He already knew how you feel & has had plenty of time to think.

Contacting him will only cause more heartache & set you back further. Don't ask for more pain.

NC is tough, but believe me it pays off.

I still wonder sometimes if my ex thinks of me or misses me, but at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter.

Hes gone. Find happiness in other ways. Stick it out with NC, you'll thank yourself later.

Here's something to keep in mind:

When someone dumps you, they no longer deserve your precious time.

acciosnivellus · Jan 24, 2011, 06:39 PM

I definitely know how hard NC is, but it DOES get better. I thought all the same things as you, like him moving on and forgetting me the longer we went without contact. But.. once enough time has passed, letting go wasn't so scary anymore and No Contact became easier. I'm in such a better place now since I've learned how to accept it and let go. Not saying things are 100%, but the improvements I'm making motivate me every single day. Its no easy task, but I'm getting through it. I feel like my own person now. I'm building a new life that doesn't revolve around my past, it's liberating! This is truly a milestone for me, so I definitely know it's not easy. So, yes, I understand how you're feeling and where you're coming from, but remember the relationship ended for a reason. You can come up with as many "what ifs" as your mind can think of, but it's not going to do a thing for you except keep you from moving forward. Time really does heal wounds and make people stronger and more independent. Good luck!

vanheart · Jan 24, 2011, 06:48 PM

Exactly. Nice post.
NC becomes empowering. Congrats.

talaniman · Jan 25, 2011, 05:53 AM

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to acciosnivellus again.

NC is for you to heal, and make better decisions for yourself, like leaving exes who dump you alone, and move beyond them, and get life without them in it.

answerme_tender · Jan 25, 2011, 08:43 AM

He dumped you! Sorry, but reason he hasn't tried to contact you and see how you are doing, is because he doesn't care. He wants to move on with his life.

Believe me, I know its hard, and emotionally painful, but you need to stick with NO CONTACT. If you break that it will only appear to him that you are desperate and begging to have him back. Don't give him satisfaction of having that kind of ego boost!!

It takes time to get over this hurt, give yourself this time to mourn. Get out with friends to places you know he won't be. Start doing something's that you have never done before maybe some volunteer work,sports,taking a new type of class, anything to keep yourself occupied. Also make sure you remove him from everything, like phone,computer, email,etc... Take care!!

Flawrie · Jan 27, 2011, 06:20 PM

My biggest fear is that I will never be over him and forever have the feeling of wanting him. When he comes back from overseas should I try contacting him then? That is in a month... I really honestly don't want anyone else I can't move on I really really want him! I'd do anything to get him back I can't move on it's impossible seriously you think your doing fine then you have a massive downer it sucks.. is there anything I can do or say?

mystific · Jan 27, 2011, 06:31 PM

He hasn't said he loves me in about a year

Well haven't you been a convenience enough? So you wasted a year giving him yourself emotionally and really he couldn't give two figs if you lived or breathed?

My biggest fear..

Should really end in, is he will wake up one day and realise what HE missed out on when I'm involved with someone who loves me. Because really.. how rude would it be for him to contact you then?

Unless you enjoy selling yourself short, giving everything, receiving nothing and being a handy welcome mat, then by all means contact him.. grovel, plead beg.

A: You'll look desperate
B: Any self preservation and/or dignity goes straight out the window
C: You become a big neon light saying "USE ME PLEASE"

If he wants you he'll chase you. Leave him alone. It's just going to hurt more if you continue chasing shadows.

talaniman · Jan 27, 2011, 08:47 PM

You will get over him in time despite your fear, so don't get all desperate about a guy who doesn't want you.

Have you read the stickies? Do it, and see we all felt really bad after a break up, but we survived, and learned we can love again, despite the fear that it would never happen for us. That's just life, and when we have healed properly, we surprise ourselves by how bad we want to live life, and explore all the possibilities, options, and opportunities we couldn't see when we were so hurt, and heart broken.

Join the party, everyone has to go through that fear to learn to grow, and love ourselves, when nobody else will, and we overcome that fear, and find true happiness.