[sconfusedinlove]

We got in an argument, both of us blew up and made irrational decisions that tremendously effected our lives and the lives of everyone around us who had to hear about it. Here's the nuts and bolts - we were living together, engaged to be married, together for two years. We got in an argument about something stupid, and it blew up. I mean BLEW up into both of us screaming, and him leaving. Our relationship has always been very passionate. Sometimes good passionate, sometimes bad passionate(i.e. the fight). The highs are highs, and the lows are lows. I love him, he loves me. I miss him, he misses me.

However... we've done the "splitting of the assets" already, and we did it VERY quickly, without really thinking it through. We were both still mad and hurt, and both of our first reactions was to run away. Once reality set in... both of us wanted each other back. Realized we had both made mistakes and not appreciated each other. I am supposed to go over there tonight, he did say "lets just see how it goes, dont think you are moving your stuff back in tonight...I don't know how we are going to get back together without upsetting a lot of people who were there for each of us during the separation."
He has said he is still very mad at me, but loves me and misses me. Im still mad at him too, but I love him, miss him.

Its not the "need a warm body" theory, or the "like the idea of being in a relationship." , it's the person that I love and miss.

Both of our families are sick of hearing about it, as well as our friends. And don't necessarily want us to get back together. However, I think that if we proved it to both families & friends... they'd eventually see WHY we chose to do it again.

Its just so risky though. I just don't want to get hurt again if I take this leap of faith. I know that I will look so very foolish to my family and friends if I sign up for love again. But I can't bear the thought of NOT trying again and living with this love for him that I'd have to bury deep inside so I could continue living my life. He says the same.

Do I go over there tonight and just... see how it goes? I WANT to.. obviously, but SHOULD I?

[adviceishere]

I think you should do what your heart tells you and not worry about other people and how they will feel, if you both commuincate and get this behind you and stop involving other people then things might be OK, I know you need a shoulder to cry on sometimes when you fight but its just giving your family and friend ammunition to have a say when you do go runninh to them, so you both need to stop that, you both are the only ones that REALLY know what your relationship is like, if friends only hear about your fights then obviously they won't want you back together, so yes I would go over there tonight and have a talk, no fighting and no more complaining to others when things go wrong, your in it together as a team :) good luck

[HistorianChick]

A leap of faith is just that... a leap into the nothingness of what could be. It may turn out to your favor, it may not.

One thing that I have learned... family and friends understand you. Your friends are your friends because of the history that you share. Your family are the people that know you the best. If they are advising against it, you should definitely seriously consider what they are saying and why.

Its your choice, you and your partner. This choice affects the two of you AND your friends/family. But, it is ultimately your choice.

If you decide to try, go into it knowing that the chances are definitely 50/50.

No one can tell you what to do. I advise caution.

Consider doing a pro-con list. Seriously sit down, leaving your heart out of it, and list what is good/bad about your relationship. If the good outweighs the bad, it is something to consider. If not, well then, you have your answer.

[ironhide262]

Well, there is a fight where two people in a relationship stay away from each other and perhaps even one of them leave for a day or two. But, what the both of you went through was more than just "a blow up"... you separated and split up your assets. THE BOTH OF YOU WERE MAD AND FED UP ENOUGH WITH EACH OTHER TO CARRY THAT OUT! Would you agree that this "blow up" was the result of a problem or problem(s) brewing for quite some time?

OK, so now the both of you realize you are lonely. But, I don't think the dust has settled enough yet for the both of you to consider getting back together. How about taking some time for yourselves to figure out what happened, what your feelings are? Passion is great but, why not strive for something that is a little more stable, instead of living on the edge?

The only definative way to find out if you should give each other a chance is for the both of you to go through this process where you can look at your relationship objectively( free of emotions like anger), see what kind of relationship it was and whether it is still what you want. This is hard and it takes time. There are no guarantees that you will get back together. You may have a completely different point of view that you have now.

So, I say , let things be. Don't jump back in there for more "passion". Give yourself some time to get your head straight, do your thing and get some perspective. Good luck.

[talaniman]

Oh my gosh, let the dust settle, and do something beside getting everyone you know involved in you, and your boyfriends drama.

You probably needed a break from all that passion any way. Do nothing for now.

[sconfusedinlove]

Welp. I tried. I "did nothing" and tried to let the dust settle. I didn't call him.. or answer his calls.

Sunday morning, I gave in, he called and invited me over for breakfast. I went over, we talked, we had sex, we hung out and right after we had lunch, he told me to leave because I was just breaking my own heart, because he really didn't see us working it out. I was so confused.

Later in the evening, he invited me over again for movies and to stay over. He said he felt bad about what he said earlier.I went over, we watched movies and he was cuddling me on the couch with our dog, we laughed and had a relaxing night. I really thought things were settling down and I could trust him again.

It was time for bed, he went into the bedroom and laid down and I said I wasn't comfortable staying over unless he asked me to stay, I didn't want to just lay down and wake up in the morning and have him tell me what he told me before, that I was breaking my own heart... and that I didn't want to lay on the other side of the bed confused about what was really happening. He said - Well, I really don't care if you stay or not, just shut the f**k up and get in bed, or go home. I got upset and confused, why would he talk to me this way? I told him he wasn't being fair to have me over if he was just going to turn around and not care.

So I left.

Today. I wrote him a letter, I know now that I should have waited... it was a letter explaining how I loved him, how confused I was, and wanted to trust him. How we could easily fix things if we were both on the same team. It was purely from the heart. I was willing to understand the confusion I had caused him as well.

I brought the letter to him today. I KNOW, I shouldn't have. When I came in he offered me dinner. He read it... walked around for a second, then threw my coat at me and said "yeah...I like my solitude."

As I was folding the letter to take with me, he said he wanted to keep it... so he could think about it.

About 30 minutes later he said in a message... "youre such a joke"

I went back over,took the letter back, and left. Upset that he did not take me seriously,I also spit on his doorstep. And he saw me do it. I didn't want him to have the letter. To make a joke of my emotions like that. I don't know why I spit, I was so frustrated that he would make a joke of it like that. Obviously, the dust had not settled. And I shouldve never gone over.

Now I just feel like an idiot. Because now I do look like a joke. I justified him. I know I should just stop trying, and maybe I am breaking me heart over and over again and making myself look worse and worse. But he sends such mixed signals I don't even know what to do! I thought I could be honest with him.

My plan now, is to completely stop talking to him. There is not much to salvage at this point.I am a joke. He's right.

I just don't understand. I know I should have just given it more time, but I didn't... so telling me that now won't help. I guess I was just writing to get it out.

Advice will maybe help. But I don't even know what I would say to a person if they told me this.

[talaniman]

You have made your mistakes, forgive your stupidity, and do a better job of cherishing, and loving yourself in the future.

[adviceishere]

Your not a joke! He is! You sound like a lovely girl and you were willing to give even him another chance! You deserve much much better.

[answerme_tender]

Loving someone and putting ourselves out there for that love isn't a joke. You now know what a piece this guy is. Wow, a stranger would treat you better then him!!


Go total NO CONTACT---I would get a new number, don't tell anyone that will let him know, delete him from ALL COMPUTER STUFF.

Its time to start healing, and moving on with your life. It won't happen overnight, it will take TIME and you will be tempted to go back to him, but just take out the letter you wrote him and re-read it and remember how he thought it and you were nothing more then a joke!!

Keep in touch and take care!!