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tessy · Jan 13, 2007, 04:28 PM

Over the holidays my father informs us that he has been seeing someone for a few months now and is leaving my mother and little brother. My mom don't work and hasn't for years being a stay at home mom and she don't drive either.
My father wants me, hubby and 2 kids ages 3&5 to move in with my mother and brother to help pay bills and get her on her feet. This angers me because I don't want to have to leave and squeeze our family and all our belonging in their 3 bedroom duplex.
Mom wants to go back to school and get a teaching degree so she won't be working much until after that. Dad says he's going to support them them until she can on her own but I don't believe that because I know how my father is and once we move in there we won't hear from him no longer and my husband will be left to support them and us off a very low carpenters income!
I don't work and won't until my 3yr old starts prek and I feel this is not hubbys responsibility to support them. They are my family and I want to be there for them and I would take care of them in a heartbeat if I worked. But I'm torn I don't know what to do. Mom keeps reasuring me she'll be fine but I don't know how she plans on beginning to take care of herself.
What do you guys think, is putting my personal wants and fears first selfish? Or should I let them sort through it themselves?

ordinaryguy · Jan 13, 2007, 04:53 PM

It sounds like your father is trying to get you and your husband to take on the load he should be carrying. This is absolutely not OK, and it is not your responsibility to make it easier on him. Your mother needs to get a lawyer immediately, file for divorce and make sure that his financial responsibility is legally binding and enforceable. DO NO let him guilt you into doing this. It is not fair to your husband, your children, or to you. Your father is a cheater and he deserves no slack and no sympathy from anybody for the mess he's making.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 13, 2007, 05:01 PM

No, it is not your job to move in, and this is too much for you and your family.

Your mom may need to move to a smaller place that does not cost as much. Make sure she sues for support and child support.

But no, you can help pay a few bills for her, but she needs to get as much money from her ex as she can.

Doing this can only risk your own marriage

tessy · Jan 13, 2007, 05:56 PM

Thanks so much guys, your right, I guess I just feel guilty for not helping her. She's always been there for me and my family. Like you said chuck about paying a few bills for her, maybe I could just do things like that, find other ways to help without letting my father off the hook. Thanks again.

CaptainForest · Jan 13, 2007, 08:22 PM

Good for you, tessy.

It is not your job to care for them. Your father is trying to pass off his responsibilities on you.

Your main goal is to take care of your kids.

s_cianci · Jan 13, 2007, 11:30 PM

You have to worry about your own husband and kids before worrying about your mother and your siblings. If you cannot afford to take care of them then you can't, plain and simple. It sounds like your father is trying to use you as a tool for alleviating his own guilt feelings. It's his responsibility to support his own kids and, at least for the first few years, your mother. He should not be asking you to do his job, so don't and don't feel guilty about it.