[ttown.grl]

I have a 17-yr. old son who is completely out of control and a danger to his younger siblings and me. His father died not quite 2 years ago, and he has totally detached himself from the rest of the family. He started smoking pot occasionally while his dad was still alive. We had it curbed though, we thought. After his dad's death he began smoking it every day. I wasn't as hard on him as I should have been. He is my oldest child and at the time I had 2 other younger children who had also lost their dad. I'm not making excuses for myself about being too easy, just letting you know that I was, and where my mind was at the time. Every time I tried to force him into doing anything, he became so irate and out of control, and it upset the other kids, and it ended the same every time: he would rant and rave and rage until he eventually put his fist through a wall or hit me, the police would be called, they would come out and transport him to a psych hospital for evaluation, he would be evaluated by a tech and either get admitted or sent right back home. The first few times he went, he continued his tyrade once he was there, and they kept him for several days. Now, he just goes in there calmly and says that he's not sure what is wrong with me, but for some reason I just don't want him around and I'm trying to get rid of him. I have filed a CHINS petition on him, and he is currently on probation. He was court ordered into counseling, he won't go. He was ordered to take random drug tests at least once a week, he won't do that either. He was given a 6 pm curfew, he comes and goes as he pleases, and sometimes stays gone several days. Once, after being sent to a group home, he ran away from there and was missing for over a month. He was found because he got caught shoplifting and was arrested. He spent 6 nights in juvie and they sent him back home with me. He is now a serious drug addict. He will use anything but meth is his drug of choice. He brings it home & smokes it here with the other 2 kids right in the next room. I call the cops but he's got it all smoked before they get here. I was told by a cop that he has way too much stuff and that I should take everything away except a mattress on the floor and 2 sets of clothes. I decided to start with baby steps so I took his cell phone away first. He put his fist through 2 walls and a door, threatened to kill me in my sleep and burn the house down with all the rest of us in it, all in an effort to bully me into giving him back the phone. I have stood my ground, but the result is that he bullies his brother and sister and then takes their phones. I tell him to stop, he asks if I can make him, it escalates to where I call the cops and he runs off. Then he comes back after they've been here and left, and I don't really even want to let him in but I know I have to. My plan is to remove the bed, dresser, nightstand, TV, all but 2 sets of clothes, all electronics, and just leave him with a mattress, pillow, blanket, and 2 sets of clothes. I also plan to take the door off. Based on his reaction to losing his phone, how volatile he is, and the fact that his meth use makes him even less predictable, I'm a little afraid to do all of that right now. So - bottom line, my question is: should I remove everything from his room until he starts to earn the privilege of having the stuff? If I do, what ideas do you have about keeping my other 2 children (and their stuff) safe from him?

[DoulaLC]

Personally, I think it is far more than you are going to be able to handle on your own and his meth use puts you and your other children in danger.

I would look into detox/rehab programs today (talk to your doctor, health department, and the police about options), have him removed from your home (which is what it will likely take), and get him moved to one.

There will be no reasoning with him as he is too messed up to reason with at this point. Removing things will only serve to make him more angry and more of a danger.

It is not harsh, it is necessary for his well being, for his life actually.

Later, when he is in his right mind again, you will be able to discuss the situation with him along with a counselor.

[joypulv]

When you talk about taking baby steps with a 17 year old heavy drug user, it gives me cause for concern about how you see your role. It is extremely difficult to handle at all and I wouldn't presume to judge, but I think that the cops were telling you something important - it's now all or nothing. Do as they suggested and put locks on all other rooms in the house that can be locked, with anything that he could sell behind them. GOOD locks. You need to send a message in more than words. I wonder where he's been getting money all this time?
And tell him that despite loving him forever, if he doesn't get straight, on his 18th birthday he will be locked out of the house and will have a restraining order.