[ISHIKA29]

I am married for 4yrs,have a 5mnths old daughter.my husband used to drink a lot for first 3yrs of my marriage,I talked to him in every way like bad and good way,but he did not stop.I was stressed during that time so I used to talk to my co worker,who really used to listen to me.over the time due to my bad relation ship I started falling in love with my co workers.he kept pushing me away,but he had something which I always wanted in my man.my parents said I should have a baby,it would change my husband.I liked the idea,so got pregnant.he reduced drinking but sometimes he still drinks bad.he is a beautiful person,if he was drinking he would be a perfect man.I donot know what happened but my relationship with my coworker kept on growing,at last he fell in love with me too.during my prgnancy he looked after me really well,my husband did too.but I find more happiness with this guy than my husband.we have perfect relationship every way,sexually,mentally and spiritualy.I have got a perfect family,should I ruin it and go with that guy along with my daughter,or I shd still stay with my hubby.I donot want to hurt my husband,if I had a chance to undo everything,I would be with this guy,but how can I ruin my famil... please help me...

[joypulv]

Your parents told you that having a baby would change your husband's drinking??
And you believed them... and you got pregnant without consulting your HUSBAND, and while you were involved with another man?
We don't know all the details of your husband's ability to provide and be a solid relationship, your lover's, or your own.
Providing for your child is the number one priority.
You made a huge mistake, getting pregnant in all this quagmire, but it's done, so be responsible and make your decision based on how you see the next 18 years.

[Devorameira]

A so-so relationship with your husband is not a reason to cheat. Sure he was drinking, but you made the decision to walk through the door of infidelity, so it doesn’t speak well of you as a person. It appears to me that you’re wanting to blame him for your poor behavior, when you should be taking responsibility for your actions.

You need to stop seeing your co-worker entirely. If need be, you need to find a new job away from him.

You are a married woman and have a child to think of in this relationship too. In my opinion, if you’re unhappy in your marriage you need to talk to your husband about it and get some counseling.

If you feel like you can’t at least try the counseling, then look for a rough future, as I think you’ll be ruining your child’s life, your husband’s life, and even your own life for nothing more than lust.

[Jake2008]

It would be nice if married women were allowed the luxury of a second man in their lives, to take up the slack when husbands lack in certain departments. But, generally speaking, that doesn't happen.

Why is because of all the reasons you married him in the first place. Fidelity, honesy, trust, communication, sickness and health, etc. etc.

You agree to one man, at a time.

For some time you have been cheating on your husband, by having an inappropriate relationship with another man. Your question was, 'am I cheating on my hubby', and the answer is, you really don't know? Of course you are cheating. Two men in one relationship never works out, especially when man #2 is a secret from man #1.

While you are pretending to be married, you are not fully committed to your husband and your marriage. While you make up excuses to justify having man #2 in your life, you are not working on solving the problems in your marriage. As long as there is another man in the picture, no matter how you justify it, you are cheating your husband.

If he has a drinking problem, address it. Don't try to sell justifying man #2 in your life because your husband has a problem. Whatever the problems are in your marriage, nothing will be resolved or improved, as long as you rely on another man to avoid them.

My advice to you is to stop the relationship with #2, put an effort into your marriage, stop kidding yourself, and stop living a double life. No good can happen in a marriage when there is another man in the shadows.

[RustyFairmount]

Marriage is until death, in sickness or in health. At least that's what people pledge when they say their vows, according to every wedding I've ever attended or saw on TV. But consider that alcoholism is a disease, but cheating is a choice. My OPINION: You are cheating on an ill husband. If he's an alcoholic, he needs you more than you or your coworker could ever know.

[talaniman]

You have done a great job of justifying your cheating, and by blaming your husbands drinking, and bad advice by the family. Maybe you didn't know what to do, so you went everywhere but where you should have, directly to your husband.

That's where you go now, after you have gotten some facts from Alanon, or some support group that knows about dealing with drunks. Then you leave the good sex with the co worker alone, to get your brain engaged, and not be influenced by the body, and the feelings of the heart.

In this way you can make a decision to either work for home and family, or make a home and family without your husband.

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