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miserygirl · Jan 7, 2011, 04:49 AM

Okay so my boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. When we first got together I was a virgin, so we weren't having sex for a few months, but we used to mess around a lot. When we started having sex it was all the time, sometimes several times a day. Over the past couple of months, it hasn't been as frequent and particularly over the past few weeks we haven't really had sex at all. We've only had sex a couple of times and it was when we were drinking. He doesn't really kiss me anymore and if he does, it's just a peck. He told me that the reason is because he hasn't felt like it lately. But I'm thinking there's more to it. Am I right? Or could it just be that there's things on his mind that really are making him feel this way? I've always been self-conscious and this is making me feel worse. I feel like he isn't attracted to me anymore, even though he said he is. I'm really desperate for someone else's opinion. This is really hard for me to deal with because I love my boyfriend and I don't want to end it, but fear I may have to. What should I do?

Synnen · Jan 7, 2011, 06:17 AM

How old are you both?

miserygirl · Jan 7, 2011, 06:25 AM

I'm 21 and he's 20

Cat1864 · Jan 7, 2011, 07:37 AM

There are many things that can cause a decrease in libido.

One of the first things to make certain of is that he is healthy and not on any medications that can limit a person's interest in sexual contact. Mental health as well as physical health should be checked. Alcohol and drugs can cause major decreases.

Stress from work, school, family, friends, etc. and being exhausted are other causes that can grow worse over time.

Pressure to have sex or intimate contact can become a problem of its own. It may even be an internal pressure if he is constantly trying to figure out why he doesn't want to have sex.

Have there been any issues that might have started as minor irritations that have become more grating? Insecurities and 'clinging' are two very common issues that can become worse over time.

Fear of commitment and major life changes can have a negative affect.

Do each of you have your own lives outside the relationship? Having the support of friends and interests of your own can help you be stronger as individuals and in turn build a stronger relationship.

You should sit down with him and look at the full picture not just the sexual aspects. It could be that what has caused his turn-around has nothing to do with sex.