[DDD_MMM]

Hey
 
I don't know why I really posting this but I think I need help
I don't know how to begin or how to explain my problem
It started when I joined college I get board form my old friends … I think and they started to changing I don't really have friends for the 3 past years I spend in college,
Know I start to talk to myself when know one around for example when I remember embarrassed
Situation(whice is not very embarrassed but to me it is different) I cures "****" or "**** you" even that my English not my first lanughue but I guess that because I watch a lot of English movies and I don't talk too much in my langue because I don't have frieds to talk to, and also I begin to be afraid for talking when a lot of people around because I am afraid from people to make jokes about me .
This is my problem and I want to explain why I think this heapend to me
When I was in high school I have a friend (male) who I think got the meaning of friendship wrong
He told me that he love me and I ask him I he is a gay he swear that he is not he used to
Admonishes me for my talking and complain that I hurt him "he acts like he is my wife"
And spend hours talking to me in phone I really did not like him but I couldn't tell him that
He even would not let me talk to any body except him and if he saw me talk to any one he get sad and angry and here were I began to stopped talking to people because I am afraid from him now I left him and he keep calling every month or text me but I don't answer him
 
My be my post show that I'm really sad but I'm not I have everything I want except friends and I could have friends but my problem is the people around me they lie to sound cool and I heat this and a lot of people I know right know not interesting in what I'm interesting in
 
I know write so much but I really need some help and I want to be confident ?
Oh and I have another thing that I don't why I start to fell that some people get annoyed from me while back in high school not also I want to mention that my mom don't talk to me for 2 years now and my younger brother for 3 years
 

[joypulv]

Could you explain this sentence?
"Know I start to talk to my self when know one around for example when I remember embarrassed
situation(whice is not very embarrassed but to me it is different) I cures "****" or "**** you" "

I understand the part about talking to yourself, but not the rest. It isn't easy to follow the whole story either, but I'll try.

You allowed yourself to be cut off from friends in high school by the one jealous 'friend.' I wonder if you might have felt troubled by what love meant between 2 boys who are not gay, and if this means you might be gay, and that bothers you. If you are not gay, then there's no reason to worry about the range of emotions there are for another person. Plenty of people have intense feelings for people who are not of their sexual preference. Yes, he might be gay and not realize it or not want to reveal it, but so what? That is no reflection on you.
As for in college, now it sounds like you are cutting yourself off from other people. Afraid they might joke about you? About what? When did this start? Do you have any idea why? What interests do you have besides watching movies in English? Do you enjoy your courses and learning in general? Do you ever just talk to someone about class or homework or anything?
Talking to yourself - nothing wrong with that. Who doesn't? I am constantly blurting out stuff to myself. I talk to the TV and the computer and my dog and my cat.
I don't want to dwell on the subject of sexual preference but your first paragraph was about this friend who was in love with you and then all of a sudden you are in college avoiding people. If you are confused about YOUR preference, then get it out in the open. You are not alone and college is a good place to find groups that help with it.

[DDD_MMM]

Could you explain this sentence?
"Know I start to talk to my self when know one around for example when I remember embarrassed
situation(whice is not very embarrassed but to me it is different) I cures "****" or "**** you" "

Sorry I meant "Know I start to talk to myself when no one around"
Let me give you example last year my teacher asked the whole class (about 20 students) about something and what do think I answered and he made fun of me and the whole class laughed, that day I heated myself I couldn't focus on anything, I know I should not fell that bad, and there are a lot of small situation that haeppend to me which not affect any normal person

I think you misunderstand my story with my friend in high school I really heated him but I don't think why I could not tell him that he was a source of noise for me.

Afraid they might joke about you? About what? When did this start? Do you have any idea why? What interests do you have besides watching movies in English? Do you enjoy your courses and learning in general? Do you ever just talk to someone about class or homework or anything?

I don't know about what, I think it started in the last year of high school, my other interest playing football,PS3,and internet and websites
I don't think I enjoy learning but I should learn for better life in my future
I talk to people about homework and exams but I don't why I'm not confidant about myself I fell that people wants to be friends with me but I blocking them

I actually have a tow people (I don't know If I should consider them as friends) the first one have the same interest I have but the problem is he have some ego he always consider himself as the best he is lazy,
I really don't enjoyed hanging out with them

And I don't think I'm gay because I tried to look at gay porn once and it is disgusting for me ( no insult for the gay people )

Also I joined the gym 4 months ago to kill some time and try to make friends but I couldn't make any friends

Thanks