[ethles]

Firstly I apologize for my bad English

I met my girlfriend last year when we were studying for an MSc.We are both 28 years old. Although the pressure of the MSc we had a nice time together. We were together almost everyday studying. Unfortunately when I finish the MSc I had to return to my country for a year to do my mandatory military service. We talked about it and we agreed that I will come back to her and leave together. She is doing a phd now. She said to me that we should talk everyday. We also agreed that she will visit me on the first week of the new year because I will have a leave then.

I returned to my country in September and I started my military service on November. In these two months we talked almost everyday on skype or by an sms or two. Before I started my service I asked her if it is OK to visit her but she refused because she had a lot of work and that she had already planned a trip to a friend of hers. I asked her if that was the real reason and asked her to break up with her if it wasn't. She started crying and said to me that she had a lot of work and that she loves me and do not want to break up with me. After a week she booked tickets to come to see on the first week of the newyear like we have planned.

After two weeks I started my military service. She started sending me emails, saying that she loves me and that she is waiting for me when I return. Anyhow, when I had some days of the army I told her that we could talk on skype and we did but after a while I notice that she started wanting to talk less and less and when I asked her what is going on she said that everything is OK but she just has a lot of work. I said OK and asked from her to send me an sms everyday just to know that she is OK. Moreover I told her to go out more often because she said to me that she didn't go at all because of her phd work.

A few days before christmas I send her an sms to tell her that we can talk online if she has time. She told me that she was at her sister's place and she can use only Facebook. We talk a bit for a minute and said that she has work to do. Then I asked her if everything is OK and she told me that she loves me and that I have to stop being so possessive. I told her that I am sorry that it looks that way but I am not.

Anyhow she didn't contact me at Christmas days or the following two days. It was strange because she was supposed to come to me after a week. Anyhow I send her an sms because she said she didn't have skype access asking her what was going on and that she can be honest to me and we have to talk on skype when she returns to her house. She said to me that she needs a couple of days. After a couple of days I get an email saying to me that she canceled the tickets and that she had a fantastic time with me but she thinks that in the long term we will not be happy together and that she hopes I will find another fantastic person to leave my life with. I was shocked that I got dumped by email :P and without explaining why. Anyhow I send her an email saying I wish I knew the reason and said that the reason might be obvious (I really thought that she might had met another guy). I also told her that she could tell me the truth when a few months ago I asked you to come and send no. Moreover I asked her to send my stuff (books, etc.) that I left and told her good bye.

She replied and said that I should not think that she is not upset and that she had planned this and that there is not anyone else and that she just realized that it longer it went it will not work. And then she started saying that she felt that I wanted from her to talked to me everyday and drop everything she was doing and answer right away any sms that might I have sent (I never said that she has to do that). The thing is that I only used to send one sms a day and told her that (because she complained about it again that she cannot answer right away) that see can answer before she goes to bed just for me to know that she is OK. Moreover she said that I do not appreciate her hard work.

Furthermore, she said I am possessive and that because I told her that I value family that this is a reason that me, my family and country (btw I am Greek and she is English) does that to keep the women under control!! I was shocked, I could not understand how she got these ideas. Everyone how knows Greek girls knows that they are the opposite of a slave :P and I have told her that before and she has met Greek girls. And she said that my family is like that and if we were ever got married she will not be equal to me. Lastly she said that she loves me and she hopes that she will not regret her choice.

I was shocked by her email. When we parted everything was almost perfect.And we were together she was saying to me that she wants to marry me and have children with me and all that stuff. And I was telling to her OK just take it easy :P

Anyhow I replied with an email saying to her that she is doesn't know what she is talking that she does not know my family and she jumps to conclusions and if she really thinks that I worth it that she will come to seem me and then dump me if things are like that.

She replied to me (31 of December) that she might have misjudged me badly and started trying to explain to me how she thought of these. I don't know how she got these ideas. Anyhow she said that she will try to book another flight to come and see me if I wanted. I replied OK come and we will talk better in person. She didn't replied. I called her next morning(1st of January) but she didn't answer she just send an sms saying that she is sorry but she will not come. Then I send her an sms telling her that she makes me crazy with the things she does. Anyhow she login Facebook, I told her my she does not answer the phone or login to skype and she said that she does not know what to say. I asked her to tell me the truth and she said that she is really pressured by me and the phd and she needs time for herself. I explained to her that she should have told me that when she started feeling like that so we can try to communicate with a different way and not saying to me nothing is wrong just work. I told her that we can just send letters. She said she didn't say anything to me earlier because she thought that I will take a flight and come to see her and that would be worse. Then I explained to her that I wanted to talk with her everyday because I didn't want her to feel abandoned by a person that she loves (because she was abandoned by a family member when she was small). Then she said to me that she feels that she destroyed everything and that I am a good man. I asked her if she wants my address here to send me letters and she said OK. Lastly she said that she just needs some time. That happened two days ago.

I think I will send her an email to ask if she is better and tell her that I wait a letter from her.

Please I would like some feedback :)

[gara]

Man your english is perfect and nothing is wrong with it ,just read twice , when you type something and I red every thing you wrote up there , man girls these days , they hide every thing inside , and we us a men we get crazy to know what is going on with them , so they jump to conclusions and stupid things and later there will be a fight and it will be followed by break up , any way I know man it's kind of hard if you are on military service that you will miss every one specaily her , because you love her , and she is working on something that her future and life relate to , she is worry and depress , what she want it's just a space , you talking with her doesn't make her comfortable like before , she is scare to talk to you or you ask her to come to visit you , and asking her every step she is doing , she is assuming you forcing her to do things by telling her that , but honstley it's not you just taking care of her, but she is not under standing nothing , she is just scare of this PHD stuff , any way I want you to give her space , don't call her or send her or any thing , she will miss you and call you , and when she calls you ask her , are you happy like that right now , and watch her replay , just be cool and calmn, and man seriously I don't think so this relatioship will go farther , you guys both habits and tredtional it's different

[jzaidi]

So many unnecessary conversation from a long distance friends may make so much misunderstandings

[talaniman]

Leave her alone, focus on what's in front of you, and let her have space to sort herself out because any pressure from you to fix things from afar will only push her away, and make things worse. Its her decision to make, so let her make it. That's what sh asked for, that's what you give her.

Don't hold your breath though, that would be a foolish mistake also, because frankly she doesn't seem capable of a long distance relationship, and that's okay, because many are not.

[ethles]

Thank you all for your answers. It seems that the relationship is over. It seems that I was the only one trying to make it work. In the end I've sent her a letter telling her that our relationship is not going to work because she just what's to put the blame on me and she does not try to make it work. When she replied she said that it is my fault because I want to talk why our relationship is not working. Now she said to me that she just wants to be friends and if I ever go back to the city she leaves she will see me only us a friend (because I said I was thinking of going there). I told her that I will never see her us a friend and that she is irrational saying that she wants me as a friend. At the beginning of our problems she explained that I was a "bad" man and it does not make sense to want a man like that for a friend. I told her I do not want to be her friend because it is like she feels sorry for me and that she might feel better about her, because she damned me using these stupid reasons. Nevertheless, I told her I will try so she will not feel bad :P and I am trying to keep in touch using Facebook (and I do not know if it is a good idea)

The bad think is that I still cannot accept that I got damped for that reasons :P Maybe they where lies to make her feel comfortable damping me. I told her that but she didn't give more answers than the vague ones that I said above. I do not know if any of the things I said to her(my explanations of why she damped me) are true, she just said that she just does not want to be my girlfriend and try to be friends.

I hope she will send my books, because she said she wants to move her staff first to her new flat and then send mine(that does not make sense but what does with her :P )

Anyhow I will try to remember the good times we had together and maybe try to set aside the bad way she damped me :) I hope I learned something valuable from this experience. I just need time to get over her, and being in the army is difficult... maybe when I will finish with the army because every time I patrol I remember her :) and basically having lost my freedom I cannot really do anything to help me get over her than talking to my army friends about it.

Thanks again for your help!

[talaniman]

Do not argue and try to find logic and understanding right now. Just leave her alone, on Facebook or whatever and let some time pass for the emotional dust to settle. Then you can look at this situation with fresh eyes and a much clearer brain, not contaminated by shock, confusion, and a lot of hard to deal with emotions.

[fraggerlapjump]

Keep contact. Let love live, as we let good things grow.

Trust is not the issue here. Interest and devotion are the issues.

She seemed to lose interest in the routine of communicating with you, at some point.

Then she regained the value of your voice, and noticed that she needed you in her life (talking to her and loving her).

Visit her often and send her true, romantic gifts.

NOTE: WHEN YOU TALK TO HER, TALK ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND YOUR HAPPINESS. SHE WILL THEN FEEL OBLIGED TO DO THE SAME. IT IS MORE HEALTHY THAT WAY, WHEN EACH SHARE FOR Each other. LIKE LOVE.

Now, please answer my similar question at:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ng-627357.html

fail. It was over... and I was a year late. Fail.