[Sonalibhawsar]

Ours is 11 yers happy marriage. But recently I found out that my husband is texting flirty jokes to a girl who is friend of his niece (She is 20 half his age). They are texting each other since a year which I did not know. When I confronted him he showed "so what?men are likethat' attitude. She touches him, talks only with him in presence of other family members. He is still texting her but after my confrontation he started deleting inbox and sent messages between them immediately. He is ignoring and not talking to me. To tease me he has started the habits which I never liked like coming late home, drinking, smoking, hard partying and passing the time with his friends. I am very upset, confused what to do and also suffering from distress. Please Guide me.

[Jake2008]

He's 40 and she's 20, and this relationship between the two has been ongoing for at least a year. Let me be the first to tell you that you are not being paranoid or insecure in feeling that this relationship between them is inappropriate. The age difference is one thing, but regardless of that, even if it were a person his own age, it would still be inappropriate.

That his behaviour has changed so drastically, and that he has essentially tuned you out, has to somehow be addressed. It seems like he has decided himself, to be 20, single and carefree. But, he is a 40 year old married man. Two distinct and different creatures.

There are some things you could do, if you haven't already thought of them. One is to insist on counselling. Make an appointment and tell him you expect him to be there. If he won't go, you go, and keep up with the counselling for your own benefit. If he can't find a way to attend an hour or two of counselling to address your concerns, that should tell you something.

You could leave, or temporarily separate. Again, if he makes no effort to address the issues, that too should tell you something.

I don't know how far you will get with him obviously not being too interested in his marriage, and the fact that he won't talk, but I would say that it might be time to think of your future without him. If he remains the way he is, and continues without any regard to you, there isn't much of a marriage going on there.

[talaniman]

My wife would have destroyed my cell phone, exiled me to the porch, and fed me cold uncooked grits, until she felt I was ready to be a proper husband.

Just so you know.

[Fr_Chuck]

Agreed, my wife would have taken my cell phone and stomped it to 100 pieces and told me that I had to sleep sometime and think about it.

After that, the girl would never be allowed to any event we went to. I would call the mother of the niece and tell her that if this girl was invited not to invite you.

If husband does it again, he can sleep on the couch, do his own laundry and cook his own meals