[blueskysarz]

Ive been dating a guy 3 months and we are 8 weeks pregnant, I already have a daughter who is 3 to a guy I never had a relationship with and we have had a great time on our own for 3 years, Im struggling to adjust to having someone else around, we are fighting a lot because we have no money, Im having serious doubts about whether we are ready for a baby as this guy was not honest about his financial situation and I have just found out he is completely broke. It has taken me a long time as a single mother to get where I am and I feel at 38 he should be a lot more stable and secure than he is, it feels like he basically lied to me because he made out he had plenty of money etc now I don't know what to believe. Its left me wondering do I love him enough to try and make it work or should I be thinking of myself and the daughter I already have?? Please help. Ive never had an abortion and never thought I would but I love my daughter so much I need to do what's right for her.

[bestbessie]

Look abortion is a tough thing to contemplate. It's not something a person online should say yes go do it, or definitely don't. I definitely say seek counselling, even by phone and start talking it through with a professional.

For me I think this relationship is so new, and you don't really know each other and you're freaking about whether he may have presented himself to you in a very different way to the reality of who he actually is. There's a lot to think about, this guy will always be in your life, I guess you're wondering will he will provide for you, all 4 of you? You were really only in the process of introducing him into your and your daughters life. I am sorry to hear of this situation, for all I know it may all turn out really well. Look after yourself.

[O_Troubles]

It depends on your beliefs! If your not ready for another baby, or you can't support one don't have one. Also a baby will not bring you closer to your boyfriend it will become more stress and that's a lot of pressure on the child. If you want the baby and not the man get child support and kick him to the curb. After 3 months if he already lied... there are way more fish in the sea then that dead beat

[poormama]

Years and years ago I was in similar situation,- and I had an abortion at 6 weeks. Because it was so early I didn't feel a loss, but it was hard,- but I never regretted my choice. If you choose to have an abortion, do it now, the longer you wait, the more of a bond you'll make and the more of medical issue it'll become. It is your decision and your decision only.. you know how hard it is to be a single mother, but the love of a child is an amazing gift,but no child deserve to be around bad people.

[talaniman]

You are 38 and have a child, so you have been through this before. Seems to me that that having rushed to believe his story without checking it out, or giving some time to find out the truth about him you are upset with the truth of the matter and of course you are mad, and worried. Talk to your doctor and get some facts about this pregnancy, so you can make a decision as to what you can do for YOURSELF. You already know that the relationship may never work, that's a risk any new encounter has. But make your decision based on whether you will raise this child with the same love and care that the baby deserves, whether this fellow helps or not.

Stop arguing over finances, they are what they are, and whether he changes his or not, you are still left with the same choices, so why stress over what he does?

Focus on you and your pregnancy, nothing else, and don't depend on a guy whose lies have come to light, or be mad you fell for it. That's such an unnecessary conflict you don't need. Plenty of time to fight later, but what's more important is to focus on what you do now that you have the truth of the matter. You either do this together, or apart, makes no difference. You believed him before, and that was a mistake, so to believe him now, whatever he is saying will probably lead to yet another mistake.

So make a decision based on what YOU want, and nothing else. For sure you will be the one doing the struggling and raising, likely he will not. As I said, you have been in this situation before, so should know what's best for yourself, and your situation. Don't argue with him, do right for yourself.

[answerme_tender]

You seem over whelmed right now, you need to look at all your options--keeping the baby, apparently you have done a great job as a single mom, and love your daughter and seem to have enough love to go around. Adoption---you could carry the baby and find a loving couple to raise the baby with financial stability and love. Abortion---if you cannot find it possible to do either of other options.

Have you really taken the time to sit down with this guy and talk about this entire situation, of what your concerns for your family. Could counseling help this relationship or even help you with the different choices your facing!

I wish you the very best, and hope you find your answers. Keep us posted. Good luck