[Maxmeister]

My mother who lives far away is coming to stay for over 6 weeks- over the time my first baby is going to be born. Although her and I are really close, I feel more anxious as time draws closer to her arrival. I am worried about a few things- one that really she isn't interested in anything besides the baby, and I am concerned that she will not give my husband the space to be a new dad that she will want to kind of take over. 2) that she is going to require a lot of maintenance. She doesn't know anyone in the area, and doesn't drive, so will have to be taken everywhere. 3) My mother in law wants to spend time with her- but my mother doesn't want to see her- she gets so anxious about seeing other people that there are tears and drama before the event. I have a good relationship with my mother in law who wants to take her out and show her around, but I worry that my mom is going to spoil the whole trip with her anxiety. On other trips which didn't involve a baby- she often will threaten to leave or never speak to us again, that she doesn't need us because "she knows what we think of her" and "that we are talking behind her back". How can I get through the next few weeks, make her happy and keep all of my relationships intact and strong?

[ForeverZero]

Hormones

[talaniman]

Hope the baby is cute enough to keep the grands happy, or walk softly and carry a big stick, or keep them so busy they can't complain or let 'em do whatever they want for the next few weeks.

[Tuscany]

Wow what a position for a new mom to be in.
As Tal said you need to be careful with how to proceed with this one. Why not ask your mom to make a list of 5 things she wants to do when she gets here. Then once the baby is born, set a date for a date night for you and your husband... even if it is renting a hotel room to sleep :), and ask your mom to stay with the baby. Or take your mom out to lunch one day and leave your husband alone with the child so he can get some dad time.

But most of all do not feed into the "you hate me I am leaving statements."

[talaniman]

But most of all do not feed into the "you hate me I am leaving statements."

That's what the big stick is for!!

[Tuscany]

Good point Tal!

[tamed]

Its bad enough that as a new mother, you are anxious enough as it is about your new baby but to not feel that you will have any control over who gets to do what with the newborn is bound to be more stressful and I understand your worries. However, I would ask you to look at this situation as chance for you to be a mother and consequently decide what you feel will be best for your daughter. You are her mother and what you and her father say goes in the end. So, exercise that authority because when it comes to your child, no one (except for your husband) should tell you what to do. Lay some ground rules for your mother and let her know that although this is her granddaughter, she is your daughter and this isn't about what is best for her but what is best for the baby.