[Syrup]

I am very angry because my step daughter-in-law does not allow us around our grand-daughter hardly at all and only with her hovering and taking over everything we do with her. I raised my step-son, so I am highly offended with the way she treats me. She has told me I am just a step mom, and made it clear that her daughter will not be allowed to stay with us until she is 7 years old. When we meet up with them, she takes our grand-daughter for far away from us walks and finds excuses to go to the restroom, go outside giving us only a hello and goodbye with our grand-daughter. She is a legal immigrant, so I am beginning to really question her intentions.

[jenniepepsi]

Im sorry grandma this has got to be tough on you. But legally there is nothing you can do. She makes the decision on how much and when to let you see the children. At this point I would do my best to stay on her good side to spend time with your grandchildren.

[gemmax]

This is a common problem with daughters-in-law married to stepsons. She may be getting input from the birth mother of your stepson.. is that possible? Did you and your stepson previously have a good relationship? How has the relationship between you and his mother been?
She may feel a bit threatened by the child's love for you or your capability in handling the child. You must never 'take over' when she is present. And when you do care for her child, you should ask her advice as much as possible. She may feel that you are attempting to usurp her in the child's affections. You should be sure that you are not seeming to do this in any way. Why? Because the only way you will continue to see this child is if she allows it. As a step-grandparent, you are not related to the child, and you have no legal rights to even see the child.
The whole situation might benefit by your backing off for a time and then inviting her to lunch alone, and apologizing to her sincerely for anything you may have done to hurt her or to make her unhappy with you.
Ask her if there is anything you can do to make things better. You may not feel like you need to do this, but the real question is, do you want a relationship with the child? If so, then you must develop trust with your daughter-in-law.

[Fr_Chuck]

Ok, so where is your son in all of this ?

[jenniepepsi]

I'm also curious to know what her immigration status has to do with being a mother and daughter in law? If this is your additude towards her (or immagrants ingeneral) then I actually don't blame her for avoiding you. Just because someone is an immagrant, does not automattically make them shady and suspicious.

[Synnen]

I'd also like to know what your LEGAL question is.

[sweetheartmary]

Idon't think her being a legal immigant has anything to do with this. I am treated the same way with my step daughter and her children. My husband doesn't get it that this girl will never let me truly be a grandparent to these children. I am not sure what to do as I am going through the same thing.