[chickidee385]

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years. In the 3 years, he has hopped between call center jobs (usually getting fired for poor attendance) while I have been in school studying to work in the laboratory at the hospital. I have recently finished school and he doesn't seem interested in pursuing any sort of trade school or finishing his university degree (dropped out before we met).

Today I came home from working since 6AM to find that he hadn't gone in to work, he couldn't find the bus money I had left him (did I mention he doesn't have his driver's license? "Never really needed it" he said, he's 25) and that he had just found it on the floor, cat must have knocked it off the table. He was three hours late when he left for the bus station. He didn't call work to tell them he'd be late, didn't try to call me at work, I could have driven him to work on my lunch hour, didn't even go upstairs to borrow from our roommate, he could have easily asked for two bucks for the bus.

Why are the young men that I meet so lazy and unambitious? I'm not trying to categorize, but I've been with more that need to be mothered than who are grown up.

Also, I do love him and think that three years' investment is too much to just walk away from, but I'm really running out of ways to try to make this work, I just can't seem to get him up and moving?!

[answerme_tender]

This might seem harsh, but how much more motivation do you need before you wise up and realize that you are the one that is obviously showing so little ambition for a real relationship that she would settle for a person that she knows has NO real desire to even grow up enough to hold any type of job.

You say that you don't just want to walk away due to the investment you have put into this relationship---HELLO--you are the only one investing anything, he Isn't, he doesn't have to, you take care of everything like a mother instead of a grown woman insisting that her man be a full partner in EVERY aspect of this relationship. You accept all his excuses for not doing more for this relationship.

Don't you feel its time to cut your losses and move on!! I know your history hasn't been that great with the men you have been, but maybe its time to stop dating same kind of guys with these characteristics. Make sure next guy has GOALS and knows how he is going to achieve them just like you have achieved YOURS!! You might be missing out on the perfect guy for YOU, by staying in this relationship that is going NO WHERE!! Good luck

[chickidee385]

I don't think it is that he doesn't have the desire to do a lot of things, I think that sometimes he doesn't know how to get started, fails, becomes depressed, etc. etc. He talks about a lot of things that we could do but don't, don't have time, money, hard to go back to school while he was helping me through college..

We have both invested a lot in many aspects, financially, emotionally.

I didn't expect to get such a vile response!

[redhed35]

Does he call you 'mom'.. or doormat?

I'm don't mean to be mean to you but seriously what are you getting out of this relationship.

Do you feel the need to nurture and care? A lot of people do,mostly women,and it can work,but you have to get something back,love,mutual respect,understanding,friendship a partner,someone you can rely on.

I once was with a guy like yours, the only reason I hung around for 3 months was because he was incrediably good looking,4 years later I have heard on the grapevine he has not changed,he's still sucking the life out of some poor women.

Time to have a talk with him,either buck up or leave,be firm no more second chances.

You need a man, not a boy who thinks he can.

( I think that's a line from a song,but its fitting,don't you think?)