[emilyrugburn]

Ok... I'm in a terribly tough situation and need help.. any help..
My boyfriends mom owns her own company.. its a huge company and she's owned it for 30 years. Because of her company, she worked late hours when my boyfriend was little, and he's always held a grudge about the fact that his mom wasn't there. To this day, he still has a hard time talking about it, he felt so abandoned by his own mother that he resents not only her, but her company. Well, she hired me about a year ago. I'm on the fast track to taking the company over and her position when she retires. I will be the president and take over her position. My boyfriend wants me to quit now. He says he will not stay with me (and we've been together 3 years) if I stay at this job. This is my dream job, I love it. It pays well, I'll have a company car, credit card, and get to travel around the world. I also get to be in charge.. it's anyone's dream come true. But he is going to leave me if I stay because he's afraid I'll do to our future kids and him what she did to her family. What do I do?? I'm so scared right now. He's the love of my life... but this job is once in a lifetime... Please help.

[mystific]

Tough call. However, your boyfriend has to understand that starting any business takes a lot of time and hours to achieve. He should take pride that his mum would have done this to secure a better future for him and succeeded.

I would say that now that the company is comfortably on its feet that although in a very prime position within the company, are the hours flexible for you to be able to juggle a home life alongside such a demanding position? I do know of many CEO's and GM's that are capable of holding down their position as well as a healthy homelife. Work/Life Balance.

The flipside is, even if he isn't going to be moved by discussing this with him then you really do need to decide now how your future path lays.

Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years? How old are you now?

Me personally, once in a lifetime opportunity, I'd expect him to see that I wasn't his mother. If this is something that I wanted to pursue I'd look for his support and understanding that this is something that I wanted to do. Jobs like these don't come along everyday if ever. Keep the lines of open communication, consider the pros and cons, look at the possibility of holding off for a few years on the 'family', how would it work, how wouldn't it work and go from there.

However if he wasn't open to talks and still flatly refused. Well, the job would come first, jobs like these don't come around often and there's plenty of other fish in the sea.

[Fr_Chuck]

Did he hate you working for her before, or are you starting to do long hours now also.

But is it this job or any job, would he mind if you were doing fries at Mcdonalds ?

[jakester]

In this economy, quitting a job is a very scary proposition when you have nothing lined up.

Secondly, he has to understand that most people who work nowadays will be pushed to work long hours and there will come times when the both of you will have to be apart... that is the way it is. He has legitimate concerns and issues but the fact that he has not come to terms with his anger over his mother's choices is only exacerbating your current relationship issues. He's not being rational to demand you to quit your job in that manner. His reaction is more his own issue than anything you have done.

He has to begin to separate his past hurts and accept life as an adult with all of its challenges. You can both sit down and talk about how much work is too much work and draw a line for both of you that makes sense and allows both of you the freedom to work and make a living. If at some point your job becomes an all-consuming fire, then you will have to make a decision to turn things down a notch; perhaps step down or delegate more of your responsibility to others so that you don't have to be some pressed for your free time. But any job requires some sacrifice and I'm certain that even his own profession does.

So, the only way for you both to work this out is for you to both talk about your present life circumstances and for him to separate his own anxiety over his past from your relationship now. It is unfair for him to make such an ultimatum of you, having you quit your job. That is absolutely irrational and irresponsible of him to demand that.

He may not back down but if you give in, I'm not sure you are really doing the right thing because he clearly has issues that he needs to take care of so he can be a better man now.

[talaniman]

If he cannot appreciate the benefit of the long hours of hard work, and sacrifice his mother put in for many years so he could enjoy a good life, then he will hardly appreciate yours. Follow your dream job, and don't let a boyfriend who doesn't have a better idea stop you. Let him raise his own future kids the way he wants to and, you raise for your own.

[emilyrugburn]

Every one of these answers is very helpful. I just hate how guilty he makes me feel all the time. He told me he cannot believe how I live with myself today. He makes me feel like a horrible person for loving what I do and wanting both a home life and work life. I am home by 6 or 7 every night, and never have to work weekends. I really think it's an amazing job and I have been promised the company. I love it.. the job is something I've always dreamed of. I just love him a lot and he's become like home to me.. I know I can find someone else though. I'm only 20, I have a lot of life to live left. Your answers really helped put things into perspective though. He needs to realize how blessed I am to have this job, and how blessed my children will be in the future. I'll be able to provide for them and give them an amazing future.

[mystific]

Ahhh.. take the job you're young.. plenty of time for family and kids.

Good luck and good on you!