[sweetnish]

My 18 year old son's, 16 year old girlfriend is pregnant. They just told us Friday, but turns out she is 25 weeks along. My husband and I offered to adopt the child, as we have the resources and time to provide a better future for all three of them. Her mother and I will be meeting this week to discuss the arrangement. As I understand all parties involved are in agreement. How do I start the adoption process in Ontario, and what kind of fees are involved. I haven't found out any of these answers on the Ministry of Children and Youth servies website, so where do I start.

[Synnen]

**Moved from adoption--I'll answer the emotional side of it, but don't know Canadian law for the legal side--which is why I moved it here.***

Whoa, back up, wait a minute.

Are ALL parties in agreement? Did the couple approach YOU about adoption, or was this your idea? Does your son's girlfriend want to hand over her child to you--forever? Frankly, I see that as "not bloody likely!"

Adoption means that she doesn't EVER get her child back. Has someone explained that to her? Thoroughly, completely, and honestly? Adoption means her child NEVER calls her mommy. It means giving up the CHILD, not just the baby.

You START by getting that girl into counseling. She needs to understand ALL of her rights, in a setting where she is not being bullied by her boyfriend, boyfriend's parents, or her parents.

If you were asking about guardianship, my answer would be completely different. But they JUST told you! And you jump right to "adopt the child" instead of "help the parents".

I was that 16 year old once. She needs to have a supportive environment to make HER choice. This choice should be made by her and her boyfriend, with support from their parents, but NO coercion and NO pressure to choose the way you want them to. She NEEDS a counselor. There are way too many issues involved with being a birthmother, even when knowing the adoptive parents. Society does not understand adoption from the birthmother side of things, and there's a LOT of issues she will have to deal with just getting through societal crap. Then there's the grieving process that just isn't allowed to happen most of the time--because you CHOSE adoption, you're not allowed to go through the steps of grieving, and are often just told to "get over it", and you can't let it go.

Birthparents are also more likely to either get pregnant again right away, to try to "replace" the child "lost" to adoption. Or there's the other direction: Birthparents are more likely to suffer from unexplained infertility than the rest of the population.

As far as the legal side of it--get a lawyer. You CAN go through an adoption without a lawyer--but you can also set a bone without a doctor. I wouldn't recommend either.

[twinkiedooter]

Please hire an attorney to do this properly for you. Self adoptions seldom go right.

[ScottGem]

Third vote, get an attorney! There are too many legal pitfalls with adoptions to not use an attorney to make sure it is done right. The attorney will make sure the bio parents get the counseling they need and that may be required by law.

[cdad]

Also find a good therapist because in family adoption has a lot of drawbacks that go with it. Seek a solicitor right away.