[rv3940]

I'm 27 (28 very soon) and met whom I thought was the man of my dreams last year. We were friends first, and I thought we knew each other well when we became best friends and hung out al the time. Then, he told me he loved me, and I found I, too, was in love.
We talked in terms of marriage, and he told me we would work everything out, and he would adjust wherever needed.
Last week, I told him I didn't want to quit my job now, and he went ballistic. It turns out he expects me to quit my job to go live in this tiny place in the middle of nowhere, with his folks (! ) and be religious and everything. We've been having arguments and counterarguments. I said we could at least meet each other half way, but he says apparently I told him I was OK with all of this early on -- I can't remember saying that for the life of me.
We've parted for Christmas saying he'll think and come to a decision.
I love him a lot, but can't lose my whole identity. And I am city-born and can't see myself happy in a place without a proper bookshop, if you know what I mean. And who lives with folks? But what if I never meet another man I like? What if this man is my only chance of marriage and kids? What should I do? Help!

[Jiser]

Surely you would have an inkling of each others future desires and wants?

Obviously not.

Unless you can come to an arrangement for your 'love' to work in whatever way, its not going to happen. Think logically not with your emotions. Perhaps you two should finish things if both of your lives are not going to fit due to your background and future wants.

[talaniman]

I applaud you for sticking to your guns, not just settling for what you don't want, and hope that it continues, but I object strongly to the notion that he will be your only option, and opportunity in the future for marriage.

Geez do you know how many other guys are out there?? Just waiting for a level headed strong woman like yourself??

Don't believe me?? Look for yourself. Or wait for him to make a decision. Whatever it is I hope it makes you happy.

[AliceMay]

Compromise is what makes relationships work, but it's not a compromise if one side of the party gets no satisfaction. Our core values are what keep us together and keep us from losing track of who we are. If you have needs, you need to make sure they are ALWAYS taken care of. If he would be OK with you living someplace you hate, then he obviously doesn't have your emotions and needs in mind. Compromise Compromise Compromise...

[Just Looking]

If you don't remember saying you agreed to that, I don't believe you did. It bothers me that he went ballistic. I'd take both of those as signs of significant problems in how he deals with life.

Tal is right. There are plenty of good men out there, and there are plenty that will support what you want. You shouldn't have to give up your life or your dreams for anyone. You are still so young. Just for perspective, I am 28. At 27, I also walked away from someone who wanted me to do things I could not accept. Shortly after that, I started dating a man who is fully supportive of me, has the same goals and values, and whom I can communicate with in a positive manner. We just got married recently.

He says he'll come to a decision. What about you thinking about things and coming to a decision for yourself? Spend some time really thinking about what you want.