[laurachambers]

Please help, I'm thinking of ending my four year relationship and need advice. My husband calls me names every day, really horrible stuff like 'b*tch', 'c*nt', tells me to '***** off' - this is every single day. He is always angry with me and it seems like he picks fights. Like, I'll go to kiss him goodbye and he'll turn away, then berate me for not giving him a kiss. We have three little babies together who see this all the time. God forbid I should actually stand up for myself because then he smashes the place up, screams at the top of his lungs, punches himself in the head and leaves me alone to look after the three babies for hours at a time. I'm an intelligent woman and I have tried sitting down with him when we're both calm and discussing why he does these things and what we can do as a couple to stop it from happening. But it seems he is incapable of behaving in an adult manner as straightaway he starts the name-calling. He blames me for it, as though I deserve to be spoken to like this. But a few hours later he's always saying he's sorry and will change. If I dare say I don't believe him, or if I don't feel like acting loving towards him, he starts again with the violence and name-calling. I never call him names back, I just want to be treated with respect the way I treat him. It's difficult because he has a brain injury and has also witnessed his brother being killed and then his father suicided, so it seems to me he feels justified in being angry at the world. Do you reckon this is abuse? Or is he just mad because of what life's thrown at him? Or are some people just like this and I shouldn't let it bother me so much?

[J_9]

Let me ask you this. I'm going to turn the tables for a minute, okay.

If this were your daughter who wrote this, what would you advise?

YES, this IS abuse.

Anyone can be mad at "what life throws" at them, but that doesn't give them the right to treat others this way.

[talaniman]

Whatever his problem is its not being dealt with effectively so you should leave.

[Fr_Chuck]

Very serious abuse, if he breaks things when mad, he can go to jail for this also.

He needs serous anger management and to learn respect.

A separation may be needed, this is harmful to the children

[mystific]

Or worse case, he doesn't punch out at himself or house items, but you or the children?

He doesn't sound stable, so there's nothing to say it couldn't happen.

Leave now before it becomes a "If only I had ... "

[jackamojuju]

I'm surprised your not crazy yet!! I had a guy like that and now I'm crazy. Leave!

[answerme_tender]

You get in and stay in mommie mode and remove not only yourself, but your children from this vicious atmosphere. He seems to have gone through some hard things in life, but your first priority is to your children!!

I can tell you as a survivor of childhood extreme abuse, that the verbal bashing was harder to have to take then the physical!!

Please don't just wait for the worse to happen. Contact the nearest woman's shelter to you advise them of situation, let them give you advise on what steps to take for your safety. If you cannot find a woman's shelter, the contact a church in your area, or law enforcement see if they have any numbers to give you to contact. It only takes a mere second for a verbal bashing situation to change to physical.

Don't hesitate to keep us updated. Please be safe and take care.