[meandmj]

(Opinions (positive or negative) are greatly appreciated as we don't know what to do)
My husband and I have been together for two years now and we have a child on the way. He has a 18 month old child from a previous relationship who he pays support for but the mother doesn't allow him to see the baby. They had a three month relationship, he was 25 and she was 35, she had just had a baby and my husband being young and naïve started to help her with her baby from the previous relationship. She saw potential in him as a father and husband and because of her age, she felt that it was time for her to settle down. She felt if she got pregnant , he would marry her and they could be a family. (This was a direct quote from her and her brother on a few occasions). Her friends started to tell him that she took his sperm from the condoms and "turkey baistered" herself... all this led to their break up. We met shortly after and got married a few months ago. Through our entire relationship, she has been a thorn on our side. She calls his phone 20 times a day, texts him all day long, emails him constantly and calls his work trying to get him fired. All of her communication consists of telling him what a dead beat he is and that he destroyed their family and that he will never see his child. My husband sends her $500 a month to support their child and has been since the baby was born. He has seen the baby only 10 times in 18 months and that was at daycare where the mother wouldn't find out. We want to see and have a relationship with this child but says I can't see him. She says the only way he can see his child is if he takes her, her child , and the child they have together out. My husband refuses to do so because the moment he does anything for her, she starts to think that we are getting a divorce and that they will be together. We don't change our phone numbers because at the end of the day they still have a child together. At this point we just got use to the harassment and really just think she has mental issues. She has gone as far as posing there child so he throws the middle finger (at 3 months , 9 months and 14 months old) in a picture with a caption that reads, "this is what your child thinks of you". Recently she called my husband and said their child was in the hospital , he ran off to the e.r only to find they were never there. She stated they were discharged and for him to go see him at her home. He went and she attacked him physically then threated to call the cops and say that he attacked her. We have saved all her voicemails , texts and emails. Recently she got a lawyer and he is asking for $1200 a month in child support. We cannot afford a lawyer. She ran off the father of her first child before the child was born and expects my husband to take responsibility for both kids because he had helped her in the past with her. The lawyer keeps referring to the "kids" and every time my husband says I only have one child with her , it goes over his head and goes back to "your obligation to the children". We have no idea what she is telling her lawyer but we are scared. She comes from money and her parents are wealthy so we assume they are paying the cost of the lawyer. I have a child from a previous relationship and I only get $300 a month and I am mighty happy with that. I just can't justify how it would take $1200 a month to raise a child who is perfectly healthy. My husband makes about $4500 a month (before taxes) , but from that we have to pay our rent , utility bills and car payments. I also work fulltime because his parents are elderly and only get $600 a month from ssi . So we pick up their tab too . $500 is what we could afford to give her and what we thought was more then fair. At this point we think that if we get dragged into court , we are going to lose. She will still not allow us to see his son and we will have to pay more then twice in child support plus deal with her daily b.s. We live in Texas , and my experience with the attorney general is that they favor the mother and give standard visitation which is nearly impossible to enforce if the mother is set on giving the father a hard time. So we would still need to go to court for visitation and need to hire an attorney but we don't have the money for it. We consulted with a few attorneys that offered free consulations but they gave us no hope, even with all the crap she does, we are basically told that unless she actually harms the child physically , we cannot get custody and will just have to live with the hand we were dealt. We can't put a restraining order on her because it just doesn't seem right. We really think she has mental issues because she makes up all kinds of stories. According to her family she and my husband are still together. She has never told them they broke up. They just think he works a lot. Her voicemails are crazy. There's just something not right with her and we feel sorry for her children but no one listens to us. I've never watched fatal attraction but his friends say that that's her. At this point we are married and we have a child on the way. I want to protect my family and this woman is impossible. She has suggested he sign over his rights multiple times and we now realize she made the father of her first child do it because he refused to marry her and she basically harassed him till he did it. I have not pushed him into signing over his rights but I don't contest it either. I don't want to deal with this woman anymore and neither does my husband. Is it wrong for him to just sign over his rights? When is enough enough? My view is for him to relinquish all rights but to continue to send the $500 until his son is 18. Our hope is that one day the child will grow up and either we can look for him or he will look for us or even that when the child is 14 or 15 we can some how sneek the money directly to him some how. We don't plan on changing our number or emails and if she ever says her son wants a relationship with his father , we would be more then happy to oblige. We just don't want to be forced into a situation we can't afford. Any suggestions/ opinions (good or bad) would be appreciated.

[excon]

Hello:

I couldn't read your long paragraph... But, the story doesn't matter.. He CAN'T sign over his rights... If he signs some paper that says that, it's not enforceable. He also can't say how much child support he sends... SHE also can't prevent him from visiting.

I know you say you can't afford a lawyer, but the family court is people friendly. He needs to seek his RIGHTS in court.

excon

[ScottGem]

I didn't bother reading much of your post. Most of the information is irrelevant.

Fact: he can't just sign off his rights. Only a court can terminate rights. And the courts are not going to do so in these circumstances.
Fact: he can volunteer to pay support but the courts will order what the law allows, not what he wants.
Fact: if he is the legal father then he is entitled to visitation rights. Has a court ordered that? If so then why hasn't he brought her up on contempt charges?

So forget about anything but what a court will order.