[crazylady234]

My husband of 25 years is starting to drive me crazy. He always tells me that I don't respect him, he constantly accuses me of having a boyfriend, accuses me of having a boyfriend 15 years ago, not supporting him around the kids and the list goes on. He didn't like that I would read at night, so I gave that up, I've also given up doing puzzle books or surfing the web in my free time because he feels that I put that ahead of him. I've never had a boyfriend, I have always been faithful. I have worked the same job for 20 years because somebody had to be stable and it turned out to be me. I take care of all the bills. He recently was put out of work due to a medical condition, and he's supposed to be taking care of the house while I work, yet he moans and complains anytime something needs cleaned up. He yells a lot and says its because when he's nice, nobody listens. I don't go anywhere by myself - oh I do go to bunko once a month, but that's it. I either have him or one of the kids (14 and 18 years old) with me. If I'm not home after work when he thinks I should be, he calls and wants to know where I am. I take the freeways, so accidents do occur from time to time. If I want to do anything for myself, I have to try and fit it in over my lunch break, because my off time should be spent with him as quality time. Aside from divore, which would be difficult to say the least with the bills and assets we have, does anyone have any suggestions? It's all about him, remember... he always tells me how he feels, yet I don't really think he gives a rats patooty how I 'feel'. When I 'feel' something, he 'feels' that I'm saying it just because I can, not because I really think it. He's just a butthead.

[TexasParent]

I think your husband needs a job or a hobby; he's jealous and controlling... but most of all scared. Deep down he knows all you do, and it affects his self worth. The controlling part is that he is trying to keep yourself worth down so that you won't leave him.

I don't think he does this purposefully, but I think if he was aware of what he was doing, he may change his unhealthy ways of lashing out at everyone else for his insecurities.

Men need to feel needed, if you want to take the ball on this and see if his attitude improves as a result. I would start by complimenting him on the things he does, the things you appreciate. See if, in time, he doesn't return the favor. As he feels better about himself because of you uplifting him, he may uplift you and those around him. I know it will require patience, but you need to be the bigger person here. Sounds like he's going through a rough time and it sounds like you love him and I am sure he loves you. Lift him up, make him feel needed and wanted and see if things change.

The other thing is, if he ever enjoyed a sport, or a hobby, or volunteerism you should encourage him to get back into it. The social interaction alone and the positive feedback he may get from others may also help him with his selfworth.

Finally, go to the library and get the book "Co-Dependant No More" by Melody Beattie. It's a classic when it comes to becoming aware of controlling behavior in our lives, a good read for the both of you.

[Devorameira]

You really sound like you're miserable with the way things have been going. Sounds almost like being imprisoned.

Has his attitude been this way for a while or has it happened since he went off on medical leave?

If it occurred after he got sick or injured, he may be suffering through depression since he now has to stay home and doesn't get a lot of association with others. In that case, you might try to convince him to talk to a therapist.

If it's been going on for a while before he got sick or injured, you may need to consider some marriage counselling.