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zlee4 · Dec 14, 2010, 12:52 PM

Ok well I got together with my friend a week ago, but we have liked each other for ages- about 8 months to be exact.
I've only recently come out of a relationship that I was unhappy in, and have wanted to be in a relationship with this guy for ages so I'm glad that I finally am. We haven't had sex yet (he's a virgin), but we have done other sexual things (me doing things to him), I'm not sure if this is just because he's a virgin and is nervous about doing things to me or if he is genuinely using me. Whenever I stay over at his house, we seem to relax and watch TV for a couple of hours and then we always end up going upstairs where I do things to him, I sometimes feel pressured even though he says I don't have to do these things.
Basically I'm a bit unsure about this as my ex boyfriend and some of his friends have been saying that they have this gut feeling that he's just using me and they don't want me to get hurt but I have mixed feelings because I have a fear of being used but I have met all of his family and went for a meal with them (so he wouldn't introduce me if he was using me) and stay over at his house quite often, but I also found a condom on his bedroom cabinet like he was expecting something to happen and sometimes I am unsure as to whether I am being used. He says he isn't using me and that he genuinely likes me but I would just like opinions from other people first. He gets annoyed when I ask, as he says that the answer should be obvious by now. I'm not sure if it's just my paranoid.
Hopefully I will get some answers.
Thank you
<3

Enigma1999 · Dec 14, 2010, 12:59 PM

How old are you two?

zlee4 · Dec 14, 2010, 01:14 PM

We're both 20.

Enigma1999 · Dec 14, 2010, 01:20 PM

The best thing about this is that YOU don't have to do anything that you are not comfortable with.

If you don't want to have sex, you don't have to.

I wouldn't have sex any way for a while considering that you two just began a relationship. Him waiting for you will also prove that he isn't using you.

If you feel pressured at any time, be honest and tell him.

zlee4 · Dec 14, 2010, 01:22 PM

Thank you. He says to me that he will wait and the reason he hasn't done anything to me yet is because he doesn't know if I'd want to and he doesn't want to mess it up. I'm hoping it is just me being paranoid.

Wondergirl · Dec 14, 2010, 01:39 PM

You wrote the words "used" or "using" six times in that short first post. Yes, I think you are paranoid.

Back off. Stop with the "doing things to him." Just get to know each other, have fun watching movies, playing old board games, putting together a jigsaw puzzle, running naked in the snow (oooops, forget the naked part -- put on warm coats and mittens and boots), talking about all kinds of things that you've read about, seen on TV, or learned in school. Have Roman numeral duels, act out a battle from the Civil War, do finger painting together. Avoid being alone in someone's bedroom where all expectations lead to... you know what.

You'll be having sex for the rest of your life. Make it special when it does happen. And take the pressure off the poor guy!

Homegirl 50 · Dec 14, 2010, 04:47 PM

He has condoms but only lets you do things to him. Does not make sense to me, but maybe he is not ready for sex with you and thinks your doing him is what you want to do.
Stop doing him. Get to know each other.

mystific · Dec 14, 2010, 09:14 PM

Im with Homegirl on the 'he may not be ready for sex with you'.

Maybe he doesn't know what to do, perhaps too shy or unsure of what to do in reciprocation in case he makes himself look silly.

Rather than 'cornering' him.. let it just happen, stop pushing for it to happen. It will when he's ready. But he's not going to complain if you keep doing what you're doing. What guy would!?