[foreverandeverbabe]

I have been trying to get pregnant since February 2005, and I'm now only 18. I have a job and I have found the love if my life at the age of 15 we have been together since December 20th, 2004:D . I know I'm young, but I've heard all the speeches. But I am ready, I have my own job my own car, and my own apartment, no help from my parents. And I'm now engaged. But we want to have a baby before we get married. I've been pregnant once before, I had a misscarrage in February of 2006, I was 4 months 3 weeks pregnant, it was horrible:(.. but we have been trying so hard. Everyday actually.. I recently thought I was pregnant because I haven't gotten my period since October 12th. And I still haven't gotten it. I took many pregnancy tests at home and a few said pregnant and a few said not pregnant, so I got fed up with it and called my obgyn.. went in and I'm not pregnant. I am a smoker, I have been smoking for a very long time. But I quit like 2 months ago, and every time I think I'm pregnant. But no luck yet.. could it be from my weight or what...

helpppp!!! please give me some suggestions, I'm clueless:(

[ScottGem]

You need to discuss this with your OBGyn. They can do tests to determine what the problems might be and give you a regimen of things to try. Since you have conceived, your boyfriend seems to be healthy, though your doctors might still want to test him.

I'm reasonably sure the smoking hasn't helped especially if you smoked during your previous pregnancy.

You also need to relax. You are very young and have plenty of time so there really should be no pressure. I really don't understand wanting the baby before you get married. Setting up a household and stable environment for the baby just makes a lot more sense. You also talk about you having a job, but that's going to interfere with the baby.

More on relaxing. My wife and I tried for 6 years to conceive. We went through all sorts of tests and treatments. At one point we decided to switch doctors because the one we had been seeing was just too far away. So we asked him to recommend a doctor closer to us. There was a couple of months gap before we could see the new doctor so my wife relaxed thinking nothing was going to happen during that interval. Sure enough when we went to the new doctor, he told us she was pregnant.

[buggage]

Very good answers scottgem. Also, once you get pregnant, the morning sickness may be so bad that you can not continue to work. Or you may be put on bedrest. You never know how these things will play out. So unless you can be self sufficient on your mans job alone, I personally wouldn't suggest trying it yet. Even if you could continue to work through the whole pregnancy, you would have to either quit after the pregnancy, or get day care or babysitter to care for the child while away at work. Then you run into the decision of whether you trust someone else enough to watch your young child, and whether you have enough money. Sometimes it can be expensive enough to hire child care while at work, that it makes working senseless. A baby also puts a lot of stress on a family, not only financially but also emotionally. Being married before hand would get rid of some of the stress involved with the preparation and finances etc. No matter how long you have been together and how much you love each other, there will always be times that you may both want to call it quits. Marriage tends to make it harder for you to just quit and go your separate ways, and actually work things out. Getting your house in order, and making sure your finances and relationship is steady before a baby comes, is always a good idea. Babies are wonderful and make your love for each other so much fuller, but it is also very expensive. And financial problems can put a real stress on a relationship. In fact it is the leading cause of divorce. Also, have either of you had expereince taking care of young children for any amount of time? It's a lot different then babysitting or having younger siblings. At the end of the day, they don't go home to their parents, they rely completely on you, for everything. You have to make a lot of personal sacrifices. SO just make sure you are prepared. Not trying to discourage you from having kids, but I want you to know what you are getting into. I got preggy with my first months after my 19th birthday, just in a new marriage. I can tell you that while my son has been the best thing to happen to us, and we wouldn't change a thing, it was very hard way to start, at such a young age. My hubby was my age, and had no college, he had a job, and we had a place to live, but it was a total struggle. Its now been three years and we are pregnant with our second baby. So it can work out, but it is so hard on your relationship to get things started like that. Just get settled in, make sure everything is in place, and then bring a baby into your home, one that is safe and secure and ready.

[JessicaV6480]

It may be because you are not having sex when you are ovulating. I have been in the same predicament once before. You just have to keep trying! The best thing to do is go and get an ovulation test from the nearest drugstore and have sex on the days it recommends. Good Luck!!

[foreverandeverbabe]

Thank you 3...
Scottgem~ wanting the baby before we get married is a form of a test, if we can handle the baby when we are together but not married, will make things feel right, we are and have been ready for a baby but not marriage, I don't know how logical that sounds, but it makes sense to us. And about the job, I work with my father. 5 to 7 days a week, I don't treat it as a job, I think of it as my carrer, I'm a waitress, in a very small breakfast restaurant, I love my job, my father always tells me to go home if my back hurts or if I don't feel good, but I don't. I'm addicted. I don't know what it is but I love the place. And I don't get very sick, not any morning sickness, when I do get mornign sickness its at night when I lay down to go to bed. I'm a fighter, I won't let a little morning sickness or anything get in my way of something I love to do.

buggage~ read above for the mornign sickness/job... my brother had a baby 2 years ago, and I have been watching his beautiful little girl for a while so I do have have experence with kids, and a couple of my friends have had babies in the last couple of years, so I have a lot of experience, and we both have well paying jobs, and finacially set.

Jessicav6480~ thankkkkss!! Ill do thatt

[ScottGem]

thank you 3...
Scottgem~ wanting the baby before we get married is a form of a test, if we can handle the baby when we are together but not married, will make things feel right, we are and have been ready for a baby but not marriage, i dont know how logical that sounds, but it makes sence to us.

Not only does that NOT make sense, but I find it incredibly selfish and immature. A baby is NOT something to test with. If you aren't ready to commit yourselves to each other, then you are NOT ready to committ yourself to a baby. The decision to have a baby requires a full time commitment between the parents and to raising a child. Did you stop to consider the baby. If your relationship fails this "test" what happens to the baby? How is it going to feel being raised by divorced parents?

I just don't know how to put this nicely, but this is one of the most assinine schemes I have ever heard. Please reconsider this foolish idea of yours.

That you have had trouble conceiving and carrying a baby to term almost makes me believe in a god. A god that can see how bad an idea you have and is preventing a tragedy.

[J_9]

wanting the baby before we get married is a form of a test, if we can handle the baby when we are together but not married, will make things feel right, we are and have been ready for a baby but not marriage,

You really are kidding me right?! :eek: this really shows your level of immaturity. Please do not put a helpless baby through this. A baby will not make things feel right. If anything a baby will make everything feel WRONG and you are a stronger couple if you can get through it. You say you are not ready for marriage, you truly are not ready for an infant who depends on you for everything except for the air it breathes.

im a waitress, in a very small breakfast resturant, i love my job, my father always tells me to go home if my back hurts or if i dont feel good, but i dont. im addicted. i dont know what it is but i love the place.

Again it shows that you are not ready to have and take care of someone who depends solely on you. If you have a freaking backache you need to deal with it or you won't be able to afford the formula, diapers, day care, well child care, sick child care, oh, I can't go on!! :eek:

im a fighter,

I am sorry, but you are not a fighter. If you were you would not complain to your Daddy that you have a backache and need to go home. A fighter keeps their mouth shut and deals with severe aches and pains to provide for themselves and the ones they love. At this rate you might as well get on welfare.

my brother had a baby 2 years ago, and i have been watching his beatiful little girl for a while so i do have have experence with kids, and a couple of my friends have had babies in the last couple of years, so i have alot of experience, and we both have well paying jobs, and finacially set.
jessicav6480~ thankkkkss!!! ill do thatt

Sorry Jessica, babysitting is not a lot of experience. I babysat from the time I was twelve until I had my first at 22, I was not ready. When you babysit the baby always goes home to mom and dad. But YOU are MOM and DAD when you have a baby, especially out of wedlock.

Do you have a clue how easy it would be for him to walk out when your back hurts or you are sick and can't go to work before you are married than when you are married. It is so much easier and cheaper for a man to walk out when you are hormonal before you are married.

Look, this is harsh, but this is REALITY. Time to face it.

[buggage]

Just because you didn't have morning sickness the first time you got pregnant, doesn't mean you won't have it the next time. And being a waitress is exactly the kind of job that would have you with your head in the toilet all hours of the day if you did get morning sickness. And you say you are a " fighter and wont let a little bit of morning sickness keep you from doing something you love" well good luck keeping that mind set when your stomach is wrenched tight and roiling, and your head is pounding and you spend all day over the toilet wishing you could just disappear. That's morning sickness and no matter how determined you are, it will get you down. Its like having the flu, every day for however many months you have it. And being a waitress is not exactly the most lucrative of jobs. I'm sorry, but you really can't expect to have the money you need to raise a baby, working on tips and the little that you do get paid. If you are thinking that just because your dad is your boss, that it won't be a problem, so sorry, but your dad is exactly that. YOUR BOSS. He won't keep someone on as an employee if they don't pull their weight. And if he does, its not really a job. It's a baby sitting job for him. Because well meaning or not, he can't let you free load, as that is not the way real life works. If it was any other job, you'd get your butt kicked to the curb faster then you could blink. And as I said before, when you are the parent, its WAY different then it is when you are playing with someone else's baby. They don't go home with someone else. They are with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for every day for the rest of your life. This isn't a game, a baby isn't a toy, it isn't all fun and games. It is a hard honest to goodness job. And if you are using this baby for a "test" because you aren't ready to get married but you are ready to have a baby... lets say that oyu both fail this " test" what happens to the baby. It gets a crappy life, because its parents were too imature to make sure that life was all set and in place before they came. They suffer because of your rashness. After all those sleepless nights with a crying fussy baby start taking their toll on the two of you, just see how easy it is for you two both want to give it up and walk away. But guess what, one of you will get stuck with baby duty and the other will run away scot free, and you'll never hear from them again. If you are serious about having a kid, then you better be serious about making a marriage commitment before hand. It sounds to me like you have a very unrealistic outlook on life, and it would be doing the child (and possibly child services) a favor if you waited until you really ARE ready.

[lf08]

i have been trying to get pregnant since Febuary 2005, and im now only 18. i have a job and i have found the love if my life at the age of 15 we have been together since december 20th, 2004:D . i know im young, but ive heard all the speeches. but i am ready, i have my own job my own car, and my own apartment, no help from my parents. and im now engaged. but we want to have a baby before we get married. ive been pregnant once before, i had a misscarrage in febuary of 2006, i was 4 months 3 weeks pregnant, it was horrible:( .. but we have been trying so hard. everyday actually.. i recently thought i was pregnant because i havent gotten my period since october 12th. and i still havent gotten it. i took many pregnancy tests at home and a few said pregnant and a few said not pregnant, so i got fed up with it and called my obgyn.. went in and im not pregnant. i am a smoker, i have been smoking for a very long time. but i quit like 2 months ago, and every time i think im pregnant. but no luck yet.. could it be from my weight or what...

helpppp!!! please give me some suggestions, im clueless:(

First the most important thing is that you really kick the habit of smoking. I say if you all have your act together try for a baby just let nature take its course. Don't worry so much or focus so much on getting pregnant. Enjoy making love to your fiancé and everything will fall into place. My boyfriend and I enjoyed having sex with each other and weren't thinking about a baby and our daughter is due anyday now. So stopping stressing and it will happen when you least expect it.

[ScottGem]

so stopping stressing and it will happen when you least expect it.

I have to ask whether you read the whole thread before responding. While your advice was good based solely on the original post, subsequent posts should cause a change in that advice. This child is clearly not mature enough to have a child. Also, it appears she hasn't a clue about what having a child truly means.

What she needs is not to have a child, but to concentrate on building a marriage first. When she is in a stable, committed relationship, THEN she can think about having a baby.

[buggage]

Eventually every kid asks their parent(s) that one all important question. Where did I come from. Do you really want that conversation to go like this? "mommy, where did I come from?" " well kid, I'll tell ya, you were a test. basically we didnt wnat to get married yet, but we figured we were ready for a kid. so we decided if we could handle a kid, then we could handle the bigger more important decision of marriage" " ohhh" even if that isn't the way you say it, or mean it, that is how it will come across to the child. And if you don't handle the "test" as well as you thought, your child will pay dearly. Children are very intuitive when it comes to certain things, and they are already inclined to believe things are always their fault. If you aren't careful, your child will begin to resent themselves for something that isn't even their fault. Realisticly, NO ONE is ready for a child, until they HAVE the child. BUT some are more prepared for it then others. When I say prepared, I mean not just having an apartment, and a job and all that. That is all VERY important. BUT that isn't all you need. Its your level of maturity, your level of using and performing responsibility. As I have mentioned before, being a parent is a completely unselfish thing. You think you are ready to be a parent, but you are already being selfish.

[foreverandeverbabe]

K so we finally got married. And we are stable. Happy now. Now we are trying.

[ScottGem]

k so we finally got married. and we are stable. happy now. now we are trying.

The question is not if we are happy now, but whether YOU are happy now. You've been married for what, a couple of weeks? How can you even know you are stable? I would have to give a marriage at least a year before I would judge its stability.

I certainly hope you are happy and will be stable. But it sounds to me, like you went through a hurried wedding (I'm assuming it was a simple ceremony and maybe a small reception to have happened so fast) just to satisfy us, a bunch of strangers (albeit concerned strangers giving good advice). But the attitude apparent in your last note, still speaks to a level of immaturity that does not display readiness to be a mother.

I wish you luck, you are going to need it.

[natasha21]

Well first off, id like to say you are clearly not ready for a child, not only by what you say, but how you act. I took a look at your myspace and your main picture is you drinking a budweiser... and you just turned 18. You also have a picture posted of your butt. This is not a good role model for a child. Most of your pictures posted show you are not ready to grow up. Which is fine.. your only young once, but that doesn't mean your ready to bring a new life into this world. Wait until your ready.. which clearly you cannot make that decision on your own.