[liz71]

Hi Everyone! Thanks in advance for reading.

My fiancé and I have been actively trying to conceive our first child for about a year. I am so frustrated, sad, and completely heartbroken as I thought this month was DEF going to be it, and so did he. I had SO many symptoms. Increased appetite, sore boobs, montgomery tubercles( white glands that become more prominent during pregnancy), backaches, dizziness, high bbt after ovulation.. all up until yesterday morning, bbt declined, and Aunt flo came to visit today:(

I have been so devastated today, crying off and on all day, and feeling like a complete failure. I feel like its never going to happen. I have even brushed it off for the past 6 months, and felt if I didn't think about it so much, it would happen. And when all these symptoms started coming, I felt it in my heart that I was. But, Im not, and I feel like an idiot for even thinking that I could possibly be. I feel so hurt, and kind of embarrassed, because he really thought I was also. I almost feel like I want to leave, so he can someday have a family, because I don't feel like its ever going to happen with me. Of course, he says I'm being silly, and it will happen, when the time is right. But, my insides literally hurt over this.

Im 26, he's 35. We have no children. Only a 4 legged fury little dog that I call my baby :)

My sister had 2 miscarriages before she became pregnant, and now has 2 little girls. She had a thyroid problem that was corrected, and everything seemed to work out after that. I have had one miscarriage, 4yrs ago, and a chemical pregnancy about a year ago. Positive pregnancy test, then lost it very early, I wouldn't have known if I hadn't taken the test, it would have only been like a heavier period.

I would REALLY like someone to talk to about this. If you have any advice, please let me know!

Again, Thanks for reading

[DoulaLC]

Hi Liz,

So sorry to hear of the frustration and disappointment you have been experiencing. Try not to feel embarrassed. It is perfectly natural to get your hopes up when you know you are experiencing some of the possible signs of pregnancy and you are wanting it so much.

While most couples will become pregnant within a year of actively trying, it can take some a bit longer for no apparent reason. This is with knowing when you are most likely to ovulate, and paying attention to changes your body might be going through in the process of preparing for ovulation. It is also any lifestyle changes you and your partner both can be making if necessary to try and make sure you are in the best possible health.

Since you have become pregnant before, it very well may be just a matter of timing and everything being lined up as needed. Were the earlier times with your fiancé?

Since you sort of took several months off from working at it, although I suspect you had it in the back of your mind all along... :), giving it several more months of actively trying could lead to success. Have you determined when you are the most fertile? Are you and your fiancé able to have sex on a regular basis or, for example, do jobs cut down on the actual number of opportunities each cycle? It really is a small window of time each cycle that you can become pregnant.

If after a year of trying, you have not become pregnant, your doctor may suggest some initial testing for both you and your partner. Almost half the time, it can be that there is a male component that is effecting the success, or a combination from both partners. So often the focus is on the female, but that isn't always the case. You may find it is a matter of some simple changes that can help.

[liz71]

Thanks for the response!

Yes, you are right, it HAS been in the back of my mind, I just didn't obsess over it like I did before. Hoping it would relieve some stress, and it would just happen. When I had a miscarriage, it was w my ex husband. Since my fiancé and I have been together, we had one positive test, went to the dr, only to find out it was no longer there, it was referred as a chemical pregnancy, My ex husband and I weren't even trying, and it happened.

We have been trying about a year, he was gone for 3 months (haiti earthquake) so I guess you could say only 9 months. I have gotten ovulation predictors, we had sex when it said I was ovulating, nothing happened. So, we just kept going, and I've been keeping track of when my most fertile times are, we have sex regularly, about 3-5x a week. It just seems as though it should be easier, my mom has 6 kids, my grandma had 13! And I'm struggling to have ONE!

Ive been taking folic acid, and baby tylenol for about a month (thats what the doctor put my sis on when she was having mc's). In hopes it would help. In all the months we've been trying, today hit me the hardest, I never actually believed I was pregnant until this month... its like my body was playing this sick cruel joke on me!

Anyway, thanks for chatting w me. It helps alot:)

[bub2b]

Hi Liz,
I know how your feeling, my husband talked about trying for a baby nearly 2 years ago and I actually found out 3 weeks later I was already pregnant. I miscarriged in April at 8 weeks, after that I was so scared of trying again because I didn't want to go through the pain of losing another. We decided that we would try again and I found out I was pregnant again in August and now I have a beautiful baby girl 7 months old. I had no problems witb my second pregnancy. We are currently trying for baby number 2. My best advice is to not worry about when your ovulating but if you can just have sex eveyday and after sex put a pillow under your bum so your hips are elavated and stay like that for at least 10mins.. and don't stress about it because it doesn't help with trying to conceive, it will happen when the time is right. Everything happens for a reason I believe.