[Felngilti]

Ok so I've been married for over twenty years. My kids are now in college (just barely). I love my wife but I feel I missed out on so much. Everything started so rocky but I stuck it out fist cuss I was in love after that cuss of the kids.

Here goes... During dating she cheated on me, broke off the wedding twice, was intensity to any of my needs. We got back together but I decided I wanted to finish college before we married. She said marry now or never so we did. I don't think she loved me. She was alone... Her friends dumped her.

After our second child was born she lost her weight and her interest in me. She secretly started sleeping with a coworker. She kicked me out of the house. I thought it was just about us not getting along. Two weeks later she asked me to come home and I did.

We rarely had sex...

Seven years go by and her mom gets sick... I help out a lot... After she passes away she feels guilty and tells me about the affair (also because she thought she had aids - she didn't)

Crushed I left for a year... We got back together (I wanted my kids to have a mother and father in the house)

Now they are grown. She does everything for me now. She loves me now. I have fears about starting a new life. Fears about hurting my kids. Fears about hurting her and fears about my family not accepting me and my decisions because the indiscretions were long in the past.

So leaving now... Makes me selfish? Am I to old to start over?

Not asking anyone to tell me what to do... Just your opinion

Thanks

[Blackula]

Stay with your wife. Leaving her will not change your past or open up the opportunities that you "missed out on." However, not having the kids around gives you a perfect opportunity to open up and get to know each other all over again.

[QLP]

You say your wife loves you now and does everything for you.
So, the question is do you love her now? Is the relationship working for you in the present?
Are your feelings about wanting to leave about what is happening now or about what happened in the past?
If it is more about the past then you have to find a way to move on and let that go and enjoy the relationship as it is now. Maybe consider some counselling to help you do so.

If you aren't happy with things as they are now you have to ask yourself why. Is it something that can be changed? Did you maybe get so used to the drama that now things have finally worked out it feels like something is missing?

You have to work on separating the past from the present and work out what you want now and for the future.

[brigde]

But why leave now after putting up with allthat she did, maybe when you thought she didn't care anough or you thought she didn't love you anough it was more exciting, think hard about what you are going to give up. You must have or do love her to have stayed and returned to her in the past, I think you shoul tell her how you feel ,and take a break away from her for a while to see what your heart tells you, good luck,