[The Captain]

Imet this girl in a party in January 2010, we spoke very briefly. I added her on FB and asked her out in Feb and again in July... to which she did not reply to the actual date question.
Anyway, she contacted me in September and we went out on a date. I'm Persian and have been in the UK for 34 yrs (I'm 36) and she is also Persian (28yrs old) been here 14 months.
We got along, I went to America for 10 days to see family and I spoke to her every night (UK time), she did not once go out with her friends... as she did not want me to feel uneasy... how do I know this, well the time difference... we would speak from 10pm to 3am Uk time on an off every night.
She had on a few occasions mentioned that she came to England to study, as her parents were spending a lot of money on her to come here... and that she is not looking for a boyfriend... which kind of fits in to my thinking as I am not looking for a girlfriend... I came out of a 3yr relationship 12 months previous and only wanted to date someone that I saw a future (wife) with... and she had the same idea.
When we go out, I pay for everything... I have a job, she's a student. She does not expect anything... and on numerous occasions she will cook.
When we started to discuss marriage, things got more serious... her mother is coming here to see me, my mother has already met her etc...
But her expectations of life is that she wants it to be at the same level as it is now... which is my mentality also... meaning I live a comfortable life and have a little extra every month... and she (funded by parents) also lives a good life... so her thought is that she does not want to drop her level... nor do I.
Recently she has mentioned things that she likes... shoes etc... and she did it for a few weeks... and when I avoid the subject... she thinks I am selfish/tight... and she does not want to have this problem in marriage... so in a way she is testing me... as she puts it... now it's only small things a couple hundred dollars here and there...
The mentality in her country is very clear... men pay and do everything... I have verified this with female cousins who still live there... but I don't have a problem with this... and I know that women need to be treated, with clothes, gifts etc... and all of this is normal and expected (in marriage)... when she is unwell I have done her food shopping etc... again all of this is minimal... it's not affecting my life... just I find it a bit odd.
I feel she's a good catch... it's taken me 36 yrs to find someone that ticks all the boxes... but this is bothering me... not that I'm not prepared to do it... just that it's alien to me... and hence I'll ignore it and then upset her... I agree she is in the wrong here... but it's the way she has been brought up...
She knows that I'm looking to sell my small flat, and buy a larger flat... all part of the marriage discussion... and financially it's all viable... and our lives will be at the same standard... just a little taken a back.

[Devorameira]

Sounds like you have it all planned out, but aren't you rushing it? You've only been dating since January!

I am concerned that you never even once mentioned being in love with her, but only indicated that she was a "good catch".

I can't tell you if she's the one or if you will end up with her as your wife, but be certain that you marry her for the right reasons. Life is tough enough with someone you love and adore, but is impossible with someone you just tolerate.

[talaniman]

Even though you have known her since January, you have only been dating since September, so not a long time to be interviewing for a wife. While things are going good in your life now, I wonder what would happen if you lost your job, or the company you work for fired you? Ask her these types of questions, and see how she answers.

While I am aware that different cultures date, and marry differently, no way can you decide if she is the one for you after a few months of dating, and conversation. Fact is, I think you have a lot more to learn than just what she has presented to you.

Keep interviewing.

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and that's only after the lust has worn off for you both.

Talaniman Rule- Give yourself 6 months of dating and getting to know someone, before you decide together to be DATING EXCLUSIVELY, and having fun getting to know each other.