[tonysala]

Hi, my name is Tony, 43 y.o. Using a forum for first time, but always open to listen and if anybody can help me on this, great :) So, 3 months dating this girl, she is 26, nice, sweet, tender, but clearly with an avoidant personality (can't define if dismissive or fearful) Had a terrible abusive childhood, and her first boyfriend (she runaway at 16 and was 8 years living with first bf) almost same abusive pattern. When I met her she use to say "to be alive or die is the same for me". Very depressed. So,we become fiends, talk lots, a month after started dating, now 3 months. We spend 4 days of the week great, expressing love, then she snaps and want to split up. And become a cycle, 2 weeks Ok, then that. We fix it after those days because I CONTACT her, and I had being reading some posts about dealing with avoidant persons, being nice, available almost to try to "coax" them, but Im grown for this I think. Any ideas? I will really appreciate, I like her a lot, and if anybody asking, I didn't married till now because I gave priority to my job with travelling, but now is time for me to settle down so, I thought maybe with her... :-)

[Magda110]

People with AvPD often consider themselves to be socially inept or personally unappealing, and avoid social interaction for fear of being ridiculed, humiliated, rejected, or disliked.
So, let her feel needed... try your best to make her comfortable with you... If nothing works during 2-3 months, find another one :) It's high time for you to marry :)

[tonysala]

Dear Magda, thanks for reading my post :) I will not say she has an AvPD, is not so extreme, just her kind of attachment personality is like... :) so, don't know if keep contact or not.

[looking4answer_]

She is scared because she realizes that she is falling in love and she is afraid of getting hurt. I wouldn't say marry her yet just explain to her how you feel and that you love her and you would never do or say anything to hurt her.