[lana.]

How do I keep myself from feeling the need to cut myself?

[Wondergirl]

Why do you cut? What makes you want to cut?

What do you feel like after you have cut?

[lana.]

I don't know how to explain it, I guess it just makes emotional pain go away for a little while.

[Wondergirl]

What emotional pain? Pain from what?

[lana.]

Well for starters I'm very emotionily unstable. A lot of my friends think I'm bipolar. Me and my mom can be around each other no longer than 30minuets with out fussing. My whole family is crazy. And every time I get upset I want to cut

[Wondergirl]

Your family gets out of control. You have no control over anything -- except cutting. You can make the decision to cut or not, and when you do cut, you've made a decision, taken control, and you feel better for a little while.

[lana.]

Thanks that makes a lot of sense now that I think about it. See I really want to cut to feel better but I made a promise to two people that mean a lot to me that I wouldn't cut anymore but I can't get rid of the temtation to cut.

[Wondergirl]

This is the same idea as what happens with someone who is anorexic. She controls her eating to the point of starving herself because that is the only thing she thinks she can control -- her food intake.

You may not be bipolar. I'm guessing you are swimming in a messy, miserable bog of high and wild emotions at your house.

Now, how can you help yourself? Is there anything else you can control so that you don't feel you have to cut?

[Wondergirl]

Also, I know a secret way of dealing with the people in your house that will begin to change them for the better.

[lana.]

Well I definitely can't control my food intake, I'm a stress eater.luckly I have a high matablisum.and I have no clue what else I can control... whats the secret?

[Wondergirl]

I mean control in a good way.

Here's the secret. One thing you can control in a good way is your attitude and the resulting behavior. If someone yells at you, don't yell back. Answer in a nice way with a smile or a small joke about yourself.

Other person: "You're fat and ugly"
You [with a chuckle]: "And that's what makes me so jolly and lovable."
Other person: "You're not lovable."
You: "On Tuesdays at 3:15 I am."

See what I mean? If you can keep control of yourself and always give nice replies, the other person will run out of steam. That's what we librarians do when a patron comes barreling in mad as a wet hen and full of fire. We listen and don't yell back (just say, "Hmmmm" and "Oh" and "Oh, my") and give them a chance to vent, and finally, when they run out of gas, that's when we can begin the real conversation. Here's how you can empathize --

Other person: "You're fat and ugly"
You [with a big frown]: "Hmmm, you might have something there."
Other person: "You're not lovable either."
You: "That can be a problem."

Of course, it takes a very strong person to be able to keep her cool through all the ranting, but I'll bet you can do it with a little practice. And note the results when you change your reaction. The other person has no choice but to change too. It won't be a major change, and will take some time, but if you always react in a positive way, good things will begin to happen. Practice with a good friend, and let me know how it goes.

[lana.]

Okay. Thank you so much, I will try that! I appritate your help! And I'm so sorry about my spelling!

[Wondergirl]

Big spelling test next Tuesday, so be prepared! (just kidding)

Try the nice answer thing and the empathy thing, and let me know how it's going.

[lana.]

Haha... alrighty:) thanks so much!