[l0st_in_life]

My girlfriend that I had been seeing for almost the last year just came at me with "I need a break" towards the end of October and of course after about a week of sensing her pull away I did what the majority of most men would have done and instead of giving her the break she needed I pushed her away with all the texts and emails and unanswered questions the "whys"

Now if I had only come across this site a month ago I probably wouldn't be in this boat that I am in now. At the beginning of October we had found out that we are expecting a child and then 3 weeks later the break . All she told me was that I was smothering her. I have since realized that it was true and I was doing unintentionally because the morning sickness was getting worse and I was concerned but have also realized the damage that I have done. I do know in my heart that I love her and it still hurts to this day not speaking with her and knowing that I drove her away instead of letting her have her space.

I can honestly say I have had no contact with her in the last two weeks. I'm finding that I do miss her on occasion but am trying to focus on me instead of her. She's 21 and loves her family very much. Her parents dislike me for the simple fact that I have been divorced before and continually try to get their daughter to leave me because they believe am going to go back to my ex-wife whom I divorced over 7 years ago.(they've told me this to my face on more than one occasion) I am 29, have 2 beautiful children of my own from my first marriage and don't generally get along with my ex wife (we got married way too young) I realize my ex-gf more than likely will never take me back and have accepted that. In fact I don't think I could take her back either.

After the second week of the break her mother posted on a networking site about meeting my ex-gf's new boyfriend and how much they loved him. Because we were on a break I didn't even think of blocking my ex-gf and her parents which I had been friends with both. When I seen the update I confronted my ex-gf about the comment and then she and her parents blocked me instead. We had been seeing each other since last December and I had some things still left behind at her place The confrontation was a total of 3 texts over 3 days. We are done I would like my things back and I sent this once a day.

When she finally did respond 4 days later the response I received was;" I turned my phone off because i wanted too, there is no new boyfriend and that it was an inside joke with my parents, and i just wanted to disappear for a few day that's why i blocked you on the web." I feel like I have been taken on a ride that I did not want to be on. We had always been open about our thoughts and emotions and then all of that in one day. Like I said I wish I had known about this site before this all happened. We had broken up in the middle of August and she had slept with some random guy at a party one night and then instead of standing up to her back then I took her back anyway. I'm 98 percent sure that I am the father of the child based on the due date given to us from the doctor.(which was recently changed to a later date now than originally thought)

I really don't know what to do because I feel like I'm shirking my responsibilities as a man by not showing her that I truly do want be there for her and our child over the course of the pregnancy and even after our child is born. I feel like I'm abandoning her but how I do also respect her wishes and give her the space she wants. I also feel like I'm losing out with this child by not being able to experience the joys of feeling the child kick at moms tummy or just talking to the child in the womb like I did with my first 2 and had started to with this one. This child was definitely a surprise for both of us however I'm already a parent of 2 wonderful children and can't wait to meet the 3rd. Any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks for taking the time to read this sorry it was so long
-l0st_in_life-

[joypulv]

One key element missing here is marriage. You and she are not having a child; she is. If I were 21 and pregnant and my boyfriend had been married before but had not indicated that he wanted to legalize the pending new family, I'd want a break too. And you have no right to confront her about anyone she is friends with or romantically involved with or anything in between - you are not living together and are not married. The pregnancy does not give you any rights over her during this 'break' and she can define break however she wants.

Hopelessly romantic sounds so sweet, but when your concerns are feeling the baby kick in the womb rather than some concrete responsibilities, then it merely sounds foolish. Send a plan in writing to the parents and her about how you plan to take care of mother and child financially and see what they say. Are you paying child support for the other 2? Can you afford all this?

[JanieDoe]

I think you're being to harsh here joypulv.

Let's not dwell on the past but let's talk how to arrange this situation.
First make sure she knows how you feel about her right now, believe me it's important.
A woman is the most fragile at time of pregnancy, so it's now that she needs your strength and your support, even if it's just to hold her hair during morning sickness, because in the end morning sickness will go but your actions will stay in her mind...

One of the thing that might make it more difficult to understand each other might be the age difference as well, a lot of people says it doesn't matter, but actually it does. My own experience, I am 24, engaged to a wonderful man 32 who is still battling to get the divorce papers finalised because he was too young when he got married, got separated for about 4 yrs, long story short, the age makes a difference on how you see things and apprehend them.

Your girlfriend is young and probably scared at the perspective of the changes in her body, will she be a good mum, will she reach your expectations, all of that makes it difficult for her.
Obviously her age and the fact that she's not had the experience of marriage (living together 24/7), having to deal with bills together, decide on how to plan the savings for this or that... makes a lot of difference on a person's mind, so that is also why she needs some space.

You can maybe offer her to spend time together differently, and respect her choices at all time.
The rest will take time, but reassurance, love and care, are the keys to your success...
Good luck
JD

[Cat1864]

I am not certain she thinks the child is yours. Unfortunately, you won't be able to know for certain until the child is born.

I think you need to contact a Family Practice lawyer and find out what your rights and responsibilities are. Once you know where you stand legally, you can approach her about what she wants and needs. As you are well aware, both of you need to work together to do what is best for the child.

[l0st_in_life]

Thank you all for the responses. I have to agree with you about marriage missing right now from the picture. Do I think she is the one for me, possibly but I am not going to propose to a woman just because there is a child on the way. Hence why I divorced the first time. We have spoken about marriage before though and both felt that we needed more time together instead of just rushing into it. I don't pay child support because I share custody 50/50 with my ex-wife.
@ joypul I don't understand what you mean by concrete responsibilities? Like providing her with a vehicle so she doesn't have to walk work if she chooses, or sending money to her so she can get groceries and other things that she may need. Or paying the doctors bills for her? This was all in place before we split except I was giving her the money instead of just sending it.