[Laretta81]

Hi everybody,

I’m pretty new here (joined yesterday), and this is my first post.

I’m dealing with a broken and shattered heart, there’s no other way of putting it, no use in denying it.

I’ve been trying to cope with this situation by myself for a long time, maybe too long, and it resulted in a depression I’m currently fighting (just started seeing a therapist).

It’s quite “odd� and unusual to me just posting this here and sharing this personal experience with people I don’t know at all, but you know what?
I found more solace lately in people I barely know than in my “alleged� friends here.

I was surfing the Net today looking for some articles about how to heal a soul/heart that got broken due to a one-sided/unreturned love and I found this forum, so I decided to join and share my own experience.
I’d like to listen to your opinions/advice.

I fell in love (and I mean deeply in love, head over heels in love) with this extraordinary American man when I wasn’t even looking for a serious relationship, when least expected.

It started as a friendship, a deep and true friendship: although we come from a different background and different Countries (I’m Italian, but I’m moving to the USA permanently), we have many things in common.
We enjoy each other’s company, we talk a lot, etc……well, after a while I realized I was developing deeper feelings toward this man, until I realized I was in love. We have many common friends who kept saying we’re great together, and most people thought we were actually in a relationship.
I felt “encouraged� by all of this, and I honestly thought he felt something for me too, since he had a kind of behaviour that actually encouraged my feelings.
I decided to sound him out on this matter, since I kind of sensed he was a bit shy and hesitant.
Well, he procrastinated his reply (which was a mistake on his part, and he admitted it later).
It wasn’t the reply I (together with the friends who know us) was hoping for ……don’t mistake me: he was really nice, and he actually said he does like me, wants to keep our special friendship, and he wrote beautiful things, which, if possible, made things even worse from a certain point of view.
This is not the first time I get disappointed and hurt from a man.
Well, our friendship relationship has grown a lot since then (it happened one year and a half ago), and he’s a wonderful man.
I’m currently fighting against depression, caused by a series of problems and great pain in my life all at once (my broken heart is only part of the problem, but it definitely doesn’t help).
M. (this guy) is trying to help me as much as possible, but my feelings are still quite strong.
I started reading self-help books and articles about “letting go of…�, but it’s really difficult.
I’m almost afraid of facing each day……
Thanks for listening.

[ironhide262]

I know depression can complicate your emotions when dealing with a broken heart. It's very hard to understand what you are actually feeling. But, you seem to be doing all the right things.
The only other thing I may suggest is cutting all contact with this man until you are completely over him. He may be a supportive shoulder in these difficult times for you but, that can be exactly why you are not over him. He basically considers you a friend while you have very intense feelings for him. For your sake you must move on, get over your feelings for him and perhaps get to a point where you can be just friends. Not any easy task but, after a year things haven't become better for you. You need to consider yourself and your well being above this friendship... he sounds like a caring and understanding man so, I sure he would be willing to help you in this way.
Do not be afraid to face the day. Make it a goal, even if it is a small moment, where you can find a bit of happiness. Keep busy, force yourself to get out, hang out with friends, do something nice for a total stranger. You will find love again!
Best of luck!

[petiteabeille]

I think I was in a similar situation... I used to be in a relationship in which I was the one who felt less and another in which I was the one who felt more. My suggestion is you just let it flow the way it wants to. He wants a friend then be his friend. Push your feelings to the bottom of your heart and be calm and patient. Look at why he made friends with you at the beginning and improve those points. I think most men are quite practical. They don't waste time remaining a relationship if they don't practically need it. So you can hope. But don't show your emotions now because he just can't feel them yet and will just get scared and pushed. In this case I think he'd prefer to be the one to make the moves first. Don't worry if you're going to lose him by not telling him how much you love him. You will have true love with him if you can offer true love first. If you confidently say your love for him is deep, are you able to answer yourself what he needs in the relationship with you, what he needs in his life, what he wants, what he dreams of.. Then you'll know how to move forwards.

[momilee]

Perhaps he really thinks he's helping you, but I have to insist that he's not. If he wants to help, he needs to simply tell you that you are great and that he's sorry he doesn't feel the same for you, and then end things with you completely. You and him both need to realize that remaining friends in any way is not healthy for you right now.

Those feelings may feel like real love, but it really sounds more like an addiction to a third party person listening in. It is good that you are seeking help, and hopefully finding ways to fill the void you have without using this man as a bandaid-- and allowing his decisions and actions to direct the value of your own life.

Quit him cold turkey, if he wants to help, he'll stay away to allow for your healing.