[billp57]

I'm single man raising my son. Well I had a dinner date tomorrow night for pizza. And I ordered pizza tonight to have with my son. Now she's mad and broke our date saying I put my son over her. I see no problem with what I've done. What's it matter what we ate the night before the date.

[mystific]

Nothing.. tell her to get over herself.

[Enigma1999]

I'm single man raising my son. Well i had a dinner date tomorrow night for pizza. And I ordered pizza tonight to have with my son. Now she's mad and broke our date saying I put my son over her. I see no problem with what i've done. Whats it matter what we ate the night before the date.

Wow! She is already showing her true colors. Run... as fast as you can from this woman.

I can relate to you. I am a single Mother with little ones, and I have had men that I dated say things like that to me. Throwing my children in my face. Saying that I put my children before them. You damn bettcha! My kids come before anyone, Hell, even myself. As the way it should be.

Find a woman who will respect you and your child.

NO, you didn't do anything wrong.

[mystific]

Enigma's spot on. I haven't hit the dating scene yet.. but any one who throws a tizz over what I eat or do with my child the night before a date.. one can only imagine how that may continue in a relationship. /shudder

It just amazes me how some women are just.. well.. wow?

[ITstudent2006]

hmmmm... son, random girl, son, random girl. I know who I'd pick. (the son in case you were wondering)

I'd say that she is already giving you a little glimpse into what a relationship would be like with her. I second the RUN advice!

[Jake2008]

Wow- you have had some excellent insights given to you here.

Just thinking if I had been her, and realized that you and your son had pizza, and you and I were going out for pizza the next night. What she could have done, instead of throwing a hissy fit, was said,

1. I hope you two had a great evening together. How about we do burgers instead tomorrow night if you're tired of pizza!

2. Why don't we rent a movie, and I'll make dinner at your place.

3. Why don't we rent a movie, and you cook dinner at my place.

4. Why don't we instead, all three of us, barbecue up some hotdogs and watch the game together.

The point I'm making is, while her consideration should be putting others first (just as a human being), she chose to make this all about her. She is only one of the three people involved here, who has the least say, the least influence, and the least importance.

That she expects that her needs, her opinions, her demands, and he expectations should come first, is a huge red flag! HUGE.

I wouldn't put up with that attitude from a grocery store clerk, a bank manager, the Prime Minister himself.

My advice to you, is to take the very obvous insight that everyone here has very aptly put to you, very clearly, and very observantly, and dump the woman.

Enigma- had to spread the rep, but you are my kind of person putting your children before everything.

[Cat1864]

I hope you and your son enjoyed a second evening of pizza and fun together.

Seriously, I think she was looking for an excuse to change her plans, but was too much of a coward to admit it.

Treasure the time you have with your son. The person you had the date with is missing out on a lot.

Good luck.

[Jake2008]

Good point about her looking for an excuse.

[Homegirl 50]

I agree with all of the advice given so far but I would add or ask, how long have you been dating this woman, is this the first time this has happened or is it an on going problem with you two. Does she have a relationship with your son and how old is he?

[friend4u178]

Now she's mad and broke our date saying I put my son over her.

This statement would have had me running for the hills straight away , your son will always be more important than any date , so you have done absolutely nothing wrong.

Be thankful you dodged a bullet here .

[billp57]

Thanks for all the great input it really got me thinking.

We have been dating for about a year and a half now and no this isn't the first time she has had issues with me giving him time over her. She says she likes him and gets along with him. He's seventeen she has 3 kids her own.

[Cat1864]

I'll be honest. I don't see what business it is of hers what you had for dinner when you weren't with her. I am still trying to figure out how she thinks what you do and eat with your family impacts your time with her. I would find it a bit disturbing if she plans her family meals around what she 'plans' to eat on her dates.

I still think there was more to her 'upset' than what you chose to eat when not with her.

[Homegirl 50]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Cat1864 again.



Sounds like something else going on here. This is not a small child and she gets along with him. Sounds like you guys are having other problems.
Do you maybe use your son as an excuse for not doing something with her?
I'm not saying your kids don't come first, but this sounds like an ongoing problem.
If it was solely about your son, why have you put up with it for a year and a half?

[billp57]

My son is 17 and has mental health issuses. My girlfriend says I let him use it as a crutch. He sees therapists and psychiatrist been in and out of hospitals. I keep him home sometimes because of his PTSD ADHD and his anger issues. Now she says she won't talk to me or see me until I keep him in school and raise him the way she says I should. She has kids too and I feel the kids have nothing to do with us. Am I wrong?

[Alty]

He's your son. She's not his mother and has no say in how you raise him.

Does he miss a lot of school because of his issues? Is he on medication? Is he in a regular school or a special program that deals with the issues he has?

If you, his doctors, and his mother are comfortable with the way things are being done, I see no reason for your girlfriend to have any say in this. You're not married to her.

She sounds a bit controlling. Maybe it's a good thing that you find that out now.

[billp57]

Yes he misses a fair amount for his appointments and I have only kept him home 3 days so far this year without doctor excuse. He's on lots of meds. He goes mornings to regular school and bus takes him to an afternoon therapy program and life skills.

[Alty]

Either way, he's your son, and no one other than you and his mother has a say in how you raise him. Unless of course you're abusive, which you're not.

Like I said, maybe it's not a bad thing to see how your girlfriend feels about all of this before you get in too deep.

Your son comes first. He's your son. In the grand scheme of things, she's nothing. Not being harsh, just being honest.

If it were me I'd rethink the relationship, find someone that understands that your son will always be and should be your first priority.

[ITstudent2006]

I'm guessing this thread was merged. Is this the same g/f from the original post?

[talaniman]

Now she says she won't talk to me or see me until I keep him in school and raise him the way she says I should.

Tell her okay, and never call her again. Time for a new girlfriend, or is the make up sex THAT good?!

She has kids too and I feel the kids have nothing to do with us. Am I wrong?

No your not wrong, but she knows she is always right, and if she doesn't tell you what to do about your son, there is the real danger that you might share a pizza, or something with him, and call that a proper meal. She is always right, just ask her.

[billp57]

Yes am I stupid or what