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    lela3187's Avatar
    lela3187 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 17, 2010, 07:39 PM
    My fiancé isn't around.
    My fiancée and I have been together for 4 years, engaged for 1. We are planning to elope next summer. He is a very hard working man and I totally respect and appreciate that about him. He is a partner in a business with his father and brother and they are the only employees of the company. Anyway, to make a long story short, the work load has become a bit ridiculous in my mind. He used to get up at 6am and be home by 7:30 at night. Now, I'm lucky if he's home by 10. He works every day but Sunday and we have no time to be together, because when he finally does get home, he just passes out. I understand that's he's exhausted from work and he needs his rest since he's doing manual labor all day but it's frustrating. I don't know what to do. He's so good to me and we are so in love, and other than the usual minor arguments here and there we get along wonderfully. The fact that he works 80+ hours a week allows for a VERY stable financial situation for us, but I just don't know if it's worth the lack of time together. I'd rather have him work a little less, and maybe not be so wealthy? I feel alone, and I'm starting to resent the situation. I don't want to have children some day and be raising them not really knowing their father because he's too busy working to be around. What should I do? I love this man with all my heart, and it's aching to have him around more.. and to get this out of the way before anyone says it.. I have NO thoughts he may be cheating.
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
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    #2

    Nov 17, 2010, 07:51 PM

    Have you told him all this?

    He needs to hear that he is neglecting his most important relationship and that you'd rather have him than the money.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,303, Reputation: 7691
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    #3

    Nov 17, 2010, 08:07 PM

    And is this work because he has to, or because he asks for it.
    lela3187's Avatar
    lela3187 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Nov 17, 2010, 09:21 PM
    Because he has to. They are very busy and deal with clients in all the new england states and often have to drive to each place. I have told him how I feel, but he feels his hands are tied. He wants to have more time off but it just isn't happening. I don't know if I'm just thinking too much about it, or if I'm justified in my feelings of being lonely and sad.
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
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    #5

    Nov 18, 2010, 09:52 PM

    It is normal for you to feel lonely and sad.
    Is there any chance you could go with him on some of these long trips, just sit in the truck and be together?

    Still, if he's trapped for the time being, it might be best if you find some things to do with your time and other friends to hang out with. I would recommend delaying the marriage and children, as your whole life could be like this. Take some time to think about whether that's something you can live with--by filling your life with friends and hobbies--or if there's a way to change your situation.

    We don't want you back here in the same situation in a year or two but with a baby. That will be worse, believe me.
    mystific's Avatar
    mystific Posts: 340, Reputation: 308
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    #6

    Nov 18, 2010, 10:32 PM

    Perhaps they need to look at expanding and bringing in a couple of employees to help ease the pressure of work overload.

    Is the father and brother working these hours also? It can be difficult for businesses these days, I'm well aware, to get a firm holding with it being so competitive especially self owned/family business, so I do appreciate the need to work all hours to keep the business rolling.

    Are you working? Is there something maybe you could help with the business to be involved and possibly see for yourself where extra help may be valuable to allow the men time off? Is the other brother in a relationship where his other half may also be feeling the pinch you could talk too?

    Perhaps he's seeing the benefits of hard labour now and reaping the rewards later. By plowing the time now into work while you don't have children and when you do being able to have the time off to spend with them.

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