[talaniman]

The Momentous Question

For months Bill had been Lynn's devoted admirer. At long last he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the momentous question.

"There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," Bill began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being, a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows."

To his delight, Bill saw a sympathetic gleam in Lynn's eyes. Then she nodded in agreement, "I think it's a wonderful idea! Can I help you pick out a puppy?"




Signs You've Chosen a "No Frills" Airline

- You can't board the plane unless you have the exact change.

- Before you take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.

- The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.

- When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.

- The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.

- You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, "Just once."

- No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.

- You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.

- All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.





Separation

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man. "Let them go first. You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?"

The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since."




For The Kids...

Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it!

Teacher: When was Rome built?
Pupil: At night.
Teacher: Why did you say that?
Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!

What did the Sheriff of Nottingham say when Robin fired at him?
That was an arrow escape!

What did the ghost of Queen Elizabeth say as it floated into the terrified woman's bedroom?
Don't worry, I'm just passing through!

Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were.
Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!

[tamed]

Funny stuff!