[sylvia Schell]

Hi,

I'm 46 almost 47 and I gave up my son when I was 17. It was the right thing to do
But I really want to know if he's okay and how his life has been. I'm sure there are
Other mother out there like me so where do I start. My daughters want to know anything
About their bio brother.

Sylvia :o

[Fr_Chuck]

Would you want if you were his adopted parents, the real mother coming back into the child's life ? The child may have no desire,
How would you feel if the child cursed you and called you names ?

I am not against all searches but I don't believe contact needs to be made without consideration of the REAL PARENTS, that is the ones who raised the child.

If you want to, most states allow you to put your contact info with the adoption records to be given out if the child goes looking. There are also dozens of web sites that offer places to post your data.

Some adoption records are now open and you may find out info.

I would suggest that any contact be done though a third person, going though the adoptive parents first. Depending on the age of the child at adoption, some children are not told they are adpted ( I don't agree with it, but it is more common than one knows)

[boogie32b]

Hi Sylvia,
Is the agency still in operation that you placed your son through? Or do you have any info at all where he could be? I don't have much info on how to begin your search, but I think you should. I am an adoptive mom of two boys, and we have nothing but love for our biomoms. We wouldn't have our sons without them and they sacrificed their own feelings of attachment and love for their kids so they give them a "better" life. Yes, it might be hard on your son's adoptive parents to have you re-enter his life, but if you respect their relationship with him as well, a lot of their fears will subside. I wouldn't try to be "Mom" to him, just start with a friendship. All birth moms worry about their kids hating them for giving them up, but don't let that stop you from looking. It's a bigger rejection really. Most kids understand that there are situations where a person can't be a good parent and needs to place their child for adoption, but most secretly long for those same parents to find them someday. I think many adopted kids feel incomplete until they at least meet their biological families. It is my hope that you not only will get to meet him, but that you can build a close friendship together.
Best Wishes!

[FeelSoNumbZombie]

Sylvia,
Please do not listen to any negative people in this world. Especially being a birth mother, finding your child, or the what if's.
You are an adult. Your child is an adult. He/she maybe searching for you. And it is up to you and your belief system to decided what is best for you and your child and to search for him/her. There have been many happy reunion's. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
There is a birth mother support group: BirthMom Buds Bulletin August 2005
May I suggest you start of there. It is very helpful to share your experiences as well as read other's experiences who have undergone the same things that you yourself have undergone. I have.
Also, most birth mothers decide to register with Adoption.com - Information on International, Domestic, Child & Agency Adoptions, Stories, Laws -. If there child is searching for them, in all likelihood they have registered there as well. Just leave a current and update email address. Because it may take time and you don't want to miss the opportunity by not having an active email address if he/she does try to find you.
There are many support groups for adoptees as well as birth mothers, and adoptive parents. More and more adoptive parents are realizing the necessity of knowing and having good communication with their child's first parents. It is no longer taboo.
Please check at the Yahoo! - Incorrect URL site and put in adoption in the browser search. Select a group that will assist you in your state or the state of where the adult adoptee was born. You will see how many people are in the same situation as you are in. Not everyone is negative about adoption. Some are, and you have to feel sorry for them.
But I am sure you have lived quite long enough to realize there are people out there that just want to discourage you. Discourage you from having the baby, discourage you from raising it yourself, discourage you from adoption, discourage you from searching and reunion.
Everyone is different. Everyone's path in life is different. You may just find your child waiting for the past 29 years to find you. Or past 11 years since he/she was 18 years of age. Please do not let anyone make you feel that you do not have any rights to search for him/her and find out if they are willing to reunite and or speak with you. He/She is an adult now. They can make up there own mind.
Get the support that is long overdue with a support group. Register with Adoption.com - Information on International, Domestic, Child & Agency Adoptions, Stories, Laws -, you never know if she/he is desperate to find you. Register with ISRR, International Soundex Reunion Registry, ISRR . com , Index of Search and Reunion Resources. And find out if there is a State run registry were the child was born or if you can register with them.
Again, he/she maybe waiting for you to register. And maybe not. But you never know until you find out yourself.;)