[Bielbo]

So I'm 22 years old.

--Educational Life--

When I was a child I would be bullied and tormented through almost all of my school life. It wasn't until the last 2 years of my school life that the bullying almost stopped. The reason for this was because all the betting, gambling, trading, tuck shop and resale of sweets (from the local market which would often yield up to 300% in profit for me) would make me both popular and wealthy for a boy of that age. Almost £30 in profit every couple of days.

With this new found popularity and wealth I crushed any and all opposition that would attempt what I was doing on a daily basis. I wouldn't personally see to it I would get someone to do it for me with a bribe. Anyone who got in my way met the same fate. My policy was only a few hits but nothing serious and that eventually lead to someone going to hospital because one of the lackeys I was paying went too far. Then I stopped this thug hit n run style gameplay and decided to send people out on non physical violence but on a threatening level so I suppose mental violence. I'm not proud of anything I just said in this paragraph.

College was new to me and I lost everything from school... The entire business I had I couldn't do anymore. I also had to resit my Maths and English courses in college because I got low grades for them in School. I also did Business Studies too!

University was upsetting for me as I always wanted to go but because of UCAS Points and Tuition Fees I couldn't... I failed that goal!

--Working Life--

I started a paper round (Not really a job but maybe relevant here) but after a few months I was beaten up and lost a lot of blood seeing as I bleed out of my nose like its Niagara Falls. I quit that job!

I then went to Mc Donalds and worked there for 1.5 years. Most days where good but the management weren't always nice! I looked for months for a new job.

I finally found a new job to which I won't mention its name or anything about it for the safety of my job. I'm still working this job and have been for almost 5 years!

In the past 4 years I got into around £12,000 debt and added a CIW Website Masters Qualification home study course to that value before I went to seek out financial help! I haven't bothered with the course much due to stresses with family and work.

--Relationships--

I never really had a real relationship and ones I did have didn't last very long. One of the girls even went so far as cheating and then blamed me as if it was me who did the dirty deed.

--Family Life--

My grandma and grandad would always give my brother everything he wanted (she used to attempt to hide it but failed) and my sister got half as much... I generally got hardly anything!

I recently needed major dental treatment but had no money and my grandma only offered to buy a cheap *** dental filling kit that would cost a few pounds. I politely refused since I felt insulted... I need professional dentistry I told her!

My sister had a baby over a year ago and that was stressful seeing as she was a ***** for most of her pregnancy... I wouldn't just put it down to hormones.

My grandma recently took my brother on Holiday in Europe and me and my sister got nothing so my dad was angry and told her to leave my family alone and not to talk to us any more. She now plans to get a lawsuit on my sister so she has grandparents rights to see my sisters baby on a regular basis and plans to tell them that she is psychotic which will mean social services would be involved!

My sister moved out of my house!

Now it's just my mum, dad and myself living here minus the 2 sofa's seeing as they gave my sister them for her new house!

--How I Feel--

I feel like I'm being pushed over all the time. My debt makes me worry. I sometimes want to break stuff or even feel like joining a fight club. I'm stressed all the time... So far as to say I'm depressed! I have random thoughts of me in death situations like if I walk across a bridge I get a thought about it collapsing.

I will only take buses between 10am and 3pm and outside of that I'll take a taxi. I try not to walk if I can help it. I just don't feel safe anymore!

My uncle lost his job to redundancy. My dad is a Diabetic that won't take his medication when something really annoys him. His anger levels are higher than before too!

I'm missing a lot from this message because I can't think right now but I will update it later if the website lets me!

Anyone want to say anything?

[mmresd]

For your debt situation, you need to see a lawyer, not therapy. For the other several issues that you have you might want to see a therapist, there is nothing wrong with it, he/she will just try to get information from you to see what is eating inside of you, it will be helpful. But you have to want to go through with it, he is a tool that you use, not the other way around, if you are not willing then you will be wasting your money. Just remember that although things suck right now, it doesn't mean that they will always be this way, and also, there are people that have it worst, but yet they choose to enjoy life, reading between the lines and only looking at positive things whenever there isn't any makes someone who is a lot happier over all, not matter what the situation is. Attempt to develop this skill, and things will progressively start looking brighter.

Good Luck,

Javi