[ngrrt]

Only bad things have happened... to me.. literally for 12 years straight... not a joke or exaggeration... I have not had a good day for 12 years.ive only suffered... I haven't gone somewhere and had 'a good time' no vacations, no hanging out having fun, no friends... nothing good happens to me... people however, do the most horrific cruel things to me, cause me extreme suffering have destroyed my life and put me in mazes... to wher ei can't get out of these things... it will take me hiring lawyers, fighting and fighting.. and fighting... to get my rights back... to get this or do that... these things happen to people in 'life'... but not non-stop for 12 years straight the way they've happened to me.. I am the eternal victim, suffering in this mechanical way... with only more bad happening to me. Suffering and dealing with other people's extremely cruel treatment to me is my life and having to get out of these horror bad situations... and fighting for justice, for my rights... but during all these horrid trials... I have still received NO justice ever... none... no karma... but only more bad happening to me... none of this makes sense to me... I can't get a boyfriend, can't get married or meet anyone... can't make friends... and next thing I know I'm dodging another psychopath/abuser who is accusing me of something, blaming me, threatening the police on me, threatening to do this... people project their own horrors onto me... im a normal nice pleasant person but I am treated lower than a criminal by 'everyone'... if someone goes and does something bad they are then coming to me accusing me of it... maybe it's that I'm dealing with lots of narcissists, or that I'm a mirror for people who project their own shortcomings onto me... but I've never witnessed one human get treated and go through what I go through... I get no real human interaction and in order for me to make friends I feel I have to give something to someone otherwise no one will be around me unless they can use, torture or destroy me... everything I've stated isn't an exaggeration it has been my tragic horrid life... if another person gets used by someone and they meet me.. they will try to take it out on me... every moment of my life is horror... and I have to be around peoplewho have abused me in cruel ways... and treated me lower than a doormat and barely winced at it... and could care less... im also a really good person... ive never done bad to anyone and my dream is to help people... I love helping people yet I have not a single friend ni the world... no one will be my friend and people just want to control abuse and torture me... yet I'm a beautiful nice good person... do people like to persecute those who aer great amazing or beautiful? also what I've witnessed during my horror trials and experiences is that... there is NO justice in my life... people can continue doing the worst things to me, make me av ictim... I can't fight back and continue suffering and suffering... its been happening 12 years... with only 'more' bad things... more traps that I can't get out of.. more fighting... it seems that there is no karma, no justice and only good people or victims suffer... imnot saying evil people don't suffer and not that everyone doesnt-- because they do... but as far as justice is concerned... there is none and they don't suffer the way they make you suffer.. and wores, I can't seem to get away from them... and they only get stronger or more abusive towrads me... and I can't fight back and if I try I get floored by them and abused to extremes... ive never witnessed any true justice only more hell to the good people... why is this? I'm sure other people's experiences have been different but mine seem to never change-- no matter what I do... it is only bad... even if I'm friendly, nice, positive--- just more bad... is there something going on that others have experienced too?

[ngrrt]

People seem t othink that abusing me.. is completely OK.. they do it without 2nd thought... and even after they abuse me... they accuse me of abusing them.. huh? I witness this backwards projection all this hell horror weird things.. (ive been told that if you're spiritual or read it that you're a mirror and other people project their evils on you-- which is all I've experienced).. im a beautiful nice girl... im innocent I mind my own business... ive never done a bad thing ni my life--dont drink smoke do drugs I'm a virgin... and yet... I have lots of evil cruel people who have done the most horrendous things to me... and others defend them in their cruel actions.. and people think its like a joke to do bad to me or bully me... (will bad things ever happen to them or are they just evil and one day they will pay their dues)?? its almost as if something is happening on another level... it feels like a parallel universe.. some healer said it was 'karmic' and I'm getting the punishment for things I did in past lives... whether that is true or not, I am an innocent pure person and soul and have only been condemned slandered harassed... every evil thing possible almost.. and not just by one person or a group of people--by almost anyone I encounter... I have to sit around suffering... as any human I encounter... treats me in the oddest way abusive rude weird... people will do crazy things to me... and I can't say no and try to be nice... but they take advantage of then... ive been told I'm too nice and that's why but I think I'm normal and I don't think I'm too nice... but that people take 'kindness for weakness'... I have to dodge so much abuse... and hell non-stop with no peace... nothing... and only more hell coming towards me... I try to pray to God for help but nothing stops this... the more I pray the worse it gets.. and now I'm starting to wonder what is going on... but 12 years of horror... with no resolution just more bad stories... then I'm being accused of this, or that... things I'm not doing... or have never done... people thinking I'm promiscuous when I'm a virgin... people saying I'm bad.. once I was even accused by my mother of doing witchcraft and I have no clue how to do anything.. can't meet a guy or get a relationship despite being a very beautiful woman and people hate me too because I'm beautiflu and just abuse me instantly and act psycho to me or around me... it is the ultimate spiritual horror... but I can't get out of it.. people go out of their way to throw me in the gutter, have power over me and take away my power... ive been told by lots of people I'm really 'powerful' and... that I have power over people (not that I want to or care and who cares)... but it seems everyone wants power over me and throws me in the gutter and destroys me and tries to control me... why is this? The theme of my injustice is people taking my rights and power away, leaving me in the gutter... im 'ALWAYS" fighting for my rights... for justice... im always being thrown ni a gutter, trapped abused and controlled... ive even had people say... we have the POWERR to do this to you.. kicked/banned from places... yet I'm quiet nice normal peaceful... why? It is persecution of the worst kind or close, yet I'm living in a free country and being persecuted as if I'm living in some third world country and am of some lower caste... something weird is going on to me and has been 12 years now.. this doesn't just happen to me.. once a week, once a day.. it happens 'all' the time... 24/7... ive had to fight to get treated like a human at some restaurants I go to otherwise I was treated so badly.. I had to fight, argue, call managers do this that... im always alone and anyone I interact with abuses me treats me in some extreme exaggerated way... or wants to destroy me... and they succeed at what they want to do.. if one thing seems normal, then 10 others go wrong.. and it always happens at this specific 'level' of suffering... so if my day was 'ok' which it never is, it gets floored at the end... if it is just bad it is thruout the day and then gets worse... the level of suffering is 'always at this one which is like -100... and if anythign it just gets worse not better... and there is no justice or karma... there is nothing except more bad karma and awful things happening to me... maybe someone who is spiritual knows what this is or what is causing it... its felt like a really really 'bad' curse, bad luck, demons, bad karma... spiritual path/trials... yet in the end all of it---means nothing... it just gets worse and worse and I suffer terribly... and I can't stop or control it and there is no justice with regards to it? Is this black magic, or a curse... or all? Is there a real way to get rid of it... im also very humble normal nice.. I'm down t oearth yet people treat me with such hatred I can't describe it... like why would they hate someone who is so nice/normal.. and pick on her in this way... its so odd and makes no sense.. there are all sorts of mean crazy bad people out there and no one picks on them... but they do me?

[Wondergirl]

Please list three SPECIFIC instances of being abused during the past week.

Are you interested in stopping the abuse, or just making sure your abusers get what's coming to them?

[chinooka]

Hello Ngrrt, I am just finished reading your post. This sounds like you are reading my mail. I have such bad luck with people, that I stopped talking about it at all. Talking about it always brought the same response, whomever I confide in becomes part of "the horde" and soon displays to me that they are not with me but against me as well, and have shown everything we have discussed to the one who is my current tormentor. Oxccassionally I do confide in others who usually upon meeting me and gertting acquainted begin to ask about my living circumstances, or my history because of the amount of suffering I endure on a daily basis. Christians like to throw a lot of religious jargon and bible verses at me that really do little to help. I have been the true, born again christain for years until the preacher ran off with the choir girl, and I began to question the church, and the validity of my churchiness. I think I am under some kind of curse. I don't know what else to call it. I think people can negatively affect oither peoples lives. Even on accident. I think there is some way to improve my situation and get my power back. I don't care any more if things get worse, because I don't have mush to lose at this point. I am a total outcast, and my family has treated me exactly how you describe yoiur family treats you.

[chinooka]

This is my exact way to be treated all the time I feel like you say. You posted this five months ago how are you now my dear? I am hoping all the best for you.

[ngrrt]

Hey chinooka... I totally forgot I even wrote this... or that I had this ID here... however, what you speak of is really interesting.. you feel the same way as I do? And yes people becoming part of the 'horde' its funny... thats exactly what happens... is there a way to contact you or talk? I need to talk to people who've experienced the same... we need to try to figure out what this is... but yes it feels like a curse or something... or it is a curse... email me if you can or I'll message you on here?

[ngrrt]

Hey chinooka if you can message me here.. I tried to send you a message but it said you can't receive them, or reply here I'll keep checking back... thanks

[chinooka]

Yes I know what you mean. I want to talak with you further. I think you are hitting on the answer when you say that you are powerful. Yet, you cannot seem to protect yourself. I think the theory of being a mirror, due to having a gift of some sort, is causing it. I notice, I have been able to do for others what I cannot do for myself. This window of the human should, seems to be such that an individual cannot protect self. Another person has to do it. Stand up for the individual who is afflicted.

[g4s200111]

Hi there ngrrt, I have just read your post and I feel the same way, for the past 5 years of my life I have been through hell and back and yet get no justice. It's a horrible feeling having no one who understands you or how you feel or even what your going through. Due to these things I am suffering from many mental illnesses. Not only have these b******s have ruined me but my whole life too! Is there any way of contact with you, it'll be great to speak to someone who's in the same situation as me.