[confusedgirrl]

Ok.. the story starts,

I met my now partner about 2 years ago, we were just seeing each other as I had just broken up with my ex of two years,
About 8 months into the "seeing each other" I found out he was texting another girl (grapic what he wants to do with her mgs) so I broke it off. (we had many discussions if there was someone else we would stop seeing each other.)

We didn't talk for about 2 months, during this I found out he had slept with another girlfriend while I was away for 4days during our "seeing time",
We met up again one night out and haven't left each others side since he has expressed his undying love for me yada yada...

A month ago, I found out he had been emailing one of our girl friends that were not things you would say (like to see her in certain underwear, having cuddles) as well as him kidnapping her and taking her away... he says that its just friend talk but its really got me.

He has since stopped this contact with this girl as I asked.. and has given me access to his emails and so forth for if I wish to look.

He has been working out bush to earn bulk money as we are planning on going travelling for a few years together... getting married.. having kids but I can't get it out of my head on what he has done to me in the past... (my dad cheated on my mum so I think that's not helping)

I do honestly think he has changed... I can see him trying... but I can't get over it...

Any advice would be very helpful... do I get over it or give him the flick...

[Devorameira]

I think the best predictor of future behavior is his past behavior, so the chances aren't looking very good. I think a guy can make a one-time mistake and then realize how he's hurt someone and then possibly stop the behavior, but someone that's cheated on numerous occasions won't change.

Only you can decide if you can forgive him and risk having this occur again. I personally think his behavior will return and then you'll be heartbroken.

If you know you can't forgive him and will never be able to totally trust him, break it off. Don't allow this to become a life sentence.

You deserve better. You deserve to be consistently treated with integrity, dignity and respect and I'm not sure he'll ever be able to fit the bill.

[pandead]

I remember going through the same thing when my ex gave me access to his email accounts, 3 months later I found out he had a secret new email where he was emailing the girls from.

Here at AMHD, my friends, everyone told me to leave him when he first cheated on me and lied about it (I didn't) they said I should find someone better (they were right) and that he was going to do it again (he did) but I kept taking his defense saying I could see he was changing (he wasn't)...

What I'm trying to say is, you can try not to see it, or see what you want to see and pretend everything is fine. But it eats you inside. I found myself doing incredibly unreasonable things you only see in the movies just to make sure he wasn't cheating again, because that feeling is impossible to live with.

Self-esteem isn't overrated. You should try and be happy with someone who will respect you enough not to cheat on you. The world is full of nice guys, why don't you just pick one?

[talaniman]

I would certainly have the trust restored before tying your future with this guy. It could be years before that happens, and if he does nothing else to shake the faith. Maybe its time to pay closer attention before you go forward.

[DoulaLC]

Too many red flags. While he may think he is ready to settle down, it sounds as though he just hasn't finished checking out what all is out there yet.

Tread very carefully... see how it goes. Yes, maybe he has been working at changing, but you are considering a lifetime with him from a starting point of already having to rebuild the trust. That should be one of the strongest foundations before you even consider marriage.

Do a lot of talking... and take things slowly... this is one time you might want to listen to your head and not your heart.

[Gigi0628]

Wow my take is that if he cheated once then had the balls to say inappropriate things to a.friend which could easily get back to you, much easier than a stranger, who else has he said the same things to? If you found out through that friend be thankful she, he cared enough about your friendship. If not get rid of them both. There is a lot of ways to communicate you can't monitor them all. Questioning loyalty is not healthy. Good luck

[Gigi0628]

Wow my take is that if he cheated once then had the balls to say inappropriate things to a.friend which could easily get back to you, much easier than a stranger, who else has he said the same things to? If you found out through that friend be thankful she, he cared enough about your friendship. If not get rid of them both. There is a lot of ways to communicate you can't monitor them all. Questioning loyalty is not healthy. Good luck