[jane1969]

I am very attracted to a man I met at my son s school our kids are friends. I am married and I love my husband but I don t think I am still in love with him. I saw this other man all the time on and off at the school and I always felt uncomfortable when he looked at me. He seems very shy too. He asked me to come to his house one night with my son but I went alone (I told him I was alone that night but he told me to stop by anyway) as my child was already invited somewhere else... it was great and he asked me if it was my husband that he saw with me once I said yes but it s complicated right now... since then I saw him twice and he seems distant not the same. But I caught him looking at me a few time, when we went outside he went to get me one of his jacket because I was cold and at the end when I was leaving he handed me my coat but his hands were shacking .I don t know what to read into all that and what to do. I forgot to say that He is in a middle of a divorce.
I want to tell him my feelings for him and just tell him that the more I am around him the more I am attracted to him... what should I do? Please help me it is so hard to keep everything to myself :(

[Eileen G]

Look, you are married. You have already made a commitment to your husband, and while you might not be "in love" with him now, you still have a commitment to him. And he will always be the father of your son.

Yes, this other man sounds nice, and it's quite possible that if you were single and he were not in the middle of a divorce, something might have developed. But as it is, neither of you are free to pursue a new relationship. Keep him as a private fantasy if you like, but don't act on it. Keep the relationship friendly but impersonal, and don't encourage him.

Men (and women) who are in the middle of divorce are notorious for looking around for a new partner. This rebound one rarely lasts. By the time it's all finalised, they are a little slower to jump into new relationships.

[I wish]

Instead of worrying about whether the grass is greener on the other side, why not focus on your current marriage?

If your current marriage is so bad, then why aren't you trying to get out of it?

Do you really want to stay in a loveless marriage and have a little something on the side? What kind of example are you setting for your kid?

[answerme_tender]

All right so your not "In love" with your husband anymore. No one can tell you what do and don't feel in requards to that. However, if you are going to play the game of "Hello over here, I am the cheating,lying,loose moral wife". You might want to sit down and really think about getting some marriage counseling to see if you can work out your relationship with your HUSBAND. If not, then at least tell him you no longer love him and want a divorce.

Don't just react on your feelings of lust for this other man. You have a family to think of. Once you throw away your self-respect its hard to get back.

[Enigma1999]

I am very attracted to a man i met at my son s school our kids are friends. I am married and i love my husband but i don t think i am still in love with him. I saw this other man all the time on and off at the school and i always felt uncomfortable when he looked at me. He seems very shy too. He asked me to come to his house one night with my son but i went alone (i told him i was alone that night but he told me to stop by anyway) as my child was already invited somewhere else....it was great and he asked me if it was my husband that he saw with me once i said yes but it s complicated right now.......since then i saw him twice and he seems distant not the same. But i caught him looking at me a few time, when we went outside he went to get me one of his jacket because i was cold and at the end when i was leaving he handed me my coat but his hands were shacking .i don t know what to read into all that and what to do. I forgot to say that He is in a middle of a divorce.
I want to tell him my feelings for him and just tell him that the more i am around him the more i am attracted to him.....what should i do? please help me it is so hard to keep everything to myself :(

Keep your distance from this man.

You are playing with fire. You are a married woman. That is the bottom line. Even if you aren't in love with your Husband any more, doesn't mean you are not married.

I think that you need to tell your Husband that you aren't in love with him any longer. Why string this poor man (Husband) along? It's not fair.

Look, I don't fault you for falling out of love with your Husband. Those things just happen. However, tell him.

I wouldn't admit to this man that you are attracted to him. I would keep your distance.

Take care of business first. At home that is.

[Homegirl 50]

I would imagine when this man found out you are married it probably makes him nervous and imagine what he thinks of you knowing you are married yet sneaking around with him?
If you are unhappy in your marriage, work on it or get out of it. Cheating is tacky!

[Eileen G]

Bear in mind that the romantic "in love" feeling does fade with time, especially when you are busy running round doing school runs and organising sleepovers and all that stuff. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with your marriage, just that you need to remind yourself why you picked your husband out of all the other men out there to marry.

I think every marriage goes through phases where you look at your husband and wonder what you saw in him. But it's a phase, and unless you do something very stupid, you can both remember why you fell in love and got married.

[DoulaLC]

A little analogy:

The grass may look greener on the other side, but you will still have to mow it.

Weeds will still grow there too if you don't take care of it and give it the care, time, and attention it needs to grow and thrive.

Care for the lawn you have now... find out what it needs to be the lush, thriving turf you once loved and admired. Sometimes you have to cultivate it a bit, maybe do a bit of replanting here and there to bring it back to life.

In the meantime, while you work on getting your own lawn back into shape, post a big BEWARE sign at the other yard that says: Keep Off The Grass.

The last thing you want would be to track dirt from another yard into your house.