[gam_asmile]

I have a 10 yr old son who is constantly horrible to me! I have tried all different types of punishment for his behaiour and rewards for when he is good!! He wants to be allowed freedom but is so rude and horrid to me ( hitting, shouting, calling me a fat idiot)that I am reluctant to give him his own way and allow him to be out wandering the streets with his friends!!

I am at the end of my teather and am stuck... I looked into him attending the cadets for extra activities, he plays football twice a week and is starting rugby soon... I am really fed up and beginning to feel like I have failed s a mother!!

[DoulaLC]

Have you sat him down and discussed the expectations of behaviour in the house? Is there a father in the picture who can join in the discussion?
He is old enough to understand cause and effect. Let him know, write it on a posted chart if it helps, what is expected and what the consequences will be. Where possible and appropriate, get his input into some of it. Freedom, trust, and privileges are earned.

He can forego the football and rugby (enlist the help of his coaches if need be) until he earns the privilege to play by the choices he makes. This goes for any other "extras"... computer time, video games, etc..

When he messes up, and he will, tell him that you understand how upset he is and that you are sure he will make a better choice next time. He becomes fully aware of the consequences of his behaviour and then you be sure that you follow through.

Do not make any threats that you are not willing to carry out. No arguing with him, keep it matter of fact, place the onus on him.

Look for times when he can enjoy some positives from making good choices.

Consider family counseling together if it seems too daunting of a task. Talk to the school counselor for ideas. Arm yourself with good information and tools to help you turn things around.

Nip this in the bud now or you will be in serious trouble over the next few years.