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sunseastars · Oct 25, 2010, 09:05 AM

I am a married mother of 2 young children. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 8. I am not in love with him, and not sure that I ever have been. He is a great guy and an even better father and provider, but the love is just not there between us. A year ago, I began working with a man who is also married. He decided to pursue me and I repeatedly shot him down, saying that I am happy to be friends, but cheating is simply not something that I do. He has been married for 20 years in an arranged marriage, and says the last 10 years have been really bad. He states he loves his wife, but is also in love with me. I have not slept with this person, however over the last year I have fallen in love with him. I feel myself losing control and going in a bad direction. I know that he only really wants sex and a good time and would never leave his wife for me. I don't even really want that. However, how do I move on and get him out of my head? I am totally in love with this person, and I know it can't go anywhere.

mmresd · Oct 25, 2010, 09:44 AM

You have to simply straighten your thoughts out and start getting over him. He is married, and that makes him completely out of your reach! Don't try to pursue him any longer and don't allow him to pursue you any more. You probably shouldn't be staying with your husband if you don't feel like you two actually have a relationship further than sharing kids, but you should definitely back off a married man!

Good Luck,

Javi

answerme_tender · Oct 25, 2010, 09:59 AM

Well let me tell a little story of a friend of mine. Got a new supervisor, they hit it off, now mind you she had been a long marriage with a good man. He was good provider,father,etc. But she just didn't think she was in love with him, and like you even got to point never thought she was.
Now the supervisor, was also in long marriage, with an alcoholic. Of course the only reason he was staying in this marriage for his children, who by the way 1 was married and the other almost out of college. Now apparently he had not had sexual relations with his wife for over 12yrs!
Of course she fell for him, felt sorry for him. Now he was really good looking, great body, still worked out, etc. Now her good husband, little chubby but by god was always there for her, and their children, she just didn't think was as good looking as the supervisor!
To make long story short, they got caught! Now her husband was willing to keep marriage because he loved her. Now the supervisor, well his wife got him fired, and so that is when he got ticked enough to file for divorce.
They moved in together, her divorce quicker because her ex didn't fight, just wanted her to be happy. Of course supervisor wife fought till end. Now in mean time, supervisor asked her to get married, got engaged. When his divorce became final and he got rewarded 1/2 of his ex retirement. It wasn't 2months later he decided just wanted his freedom. So my friend was totally broken hearted, left with NOTHING!
You see she thought the grass was greener on the other side, but it had actually been mowed so many times there wasn't any left for her. She lost a good man, her families respect and her friends. She also lost the family atmosphere for her children.
Oh the supervisor found a woman not 1month later and is moving in with her!
Might want to re-think your choices!!

sunseastars · Oct 25, 2010, 10:33 AM

Thank you. So right.

sunseastars · Oct 25, 2010, 10:37 AM

Thank you. I agree. Believe me, I am not attracted to the fact that he is married. I have simply fallen in love with him. I am angry with myself.

talaniman · Oct 25, 2010, 10:58 AM

You should be figuring out what to do about your marriage, not distracted by what's outside of it. Stay within the boundaries of good behavior, no matter how you feel, because just think back why you got married. Bet you loved your husband then, so what makes you think you will love this fellow FOREVER, through thick and thin??

Feelings change all the times, but right and wrong NEVER DOES.

answerme_tender · Oct 25, 2010, 11:42 AM

An emotional affair can be even more destructive as a physical one. I would be looking for a different job, to remove myself from this person and go total NO contact. YOU have a lot to lose here. I am not just talking your marriage, family,job, --you are going to lose your self-respect and once you do, and after that the rest will follow.
Oh I forgot to mention about my friend, her ex-husband that she threw away, got re-married and is living a very full and happy life. My friend is still alone, the only thing she has that keeps her warm at night is her anti-depressants!!

vanheart · Oct 26, 2010, 08:26 PM

Concentrate on repairing your current situation first. If that's what you want

Falling for some married guy, especially an arranged one is trouble & in your head. Swayed by complacency and his BS. Isn't going to solve anything except a potential shag. Then what?

You have to figure out what it is you want, sooner than later.

All I can say, if you were my wife & thought "I am not in love with him, and not sure that I ever have been"

I would want to know & why.