[Allie035]

To whomever decides to read this and possibly try to help, I thank you greatly..

Well, Ive been dating this guy, we'll call him Paco, for about 5 months now. We began dating toward the end of his senior year, my sophomore, with the knowledge that he would soon be going off to school 6 hours away. But we figured we may as well try it for the summer and have fun. We lasted throughout the summer with minor fights and began feeling very strongly for each other. As the time for him to leave steadily arrived we knew we wanted to stay together while he was at school. We thought the first 2 weeks could be somewhat of a testing period because he was planning on coming home for his birthday then. Those 2 weeks were hard with some fights and being away from each other, as expected, his visit was wonderful, then he left again and hasn't been home since. He's planning on coming home again in about a week and a half.

Now, Paco gets mad very easily at things that I find to be minor, nothing at all, or somewhat ridiculous. Some examples; he gets very angry if I don't answer his text messages with "urgency" , he got mad that I bought him his birthday presents the day before (I had been very busy with soccer and school and told him that), he gets very mad when I can't talk for at least an hour and a half to 2 hours every night, he got mad I didn't paint my nails the color I said I would when he came home, he got mad I don't wear the school plastic button he gave me (as a joke mind you), he got mad when he found out I hadn't given him the names of my boyfriends from middle school when he had asked who I had dated and I gave him that 2 boys I had dated in high school not thinking middle school counted, he got mad at me when I didn't feel much like skyping or texting after getting a concussion and fractured cheekbone from getting kicked in the face in soccer, he also got mad 2 days later for getting sick and passing out from the concussion while he was mad at me (I slept for about 12 hours and he nearly broke up with me because he thought I was just taking a nap while he was mad at me when I had told him I was going to be sick and likely to fall asleep/pass out), and he frequently tells me that I am not a good girlfriend. I write him letters and send him nice text messages and pictures because he loves getting them and have presents here that I'm planning on sending him (he's seen some of them), I hardly ever do anything besides soccer or hangout with friends because I know he gets upset when we don't talk much. I thought I did lots of nice things showing how I care and that I was a good girlfriend, but he was never happy.

So, recently I skipped riding with the soccer bus to the game (I can't play because of my fractured cheekbone) so I could come home and do my homework so we could skype later after I got back from driving to and from the game. I pulled my school stuff out and realized I had finished my homework at school. So I just sat down to relax. Not long after a friend of mine (male with a girlfriend of his own) texts me asking if he could talk to me about his girlfriend and things that he was having a herd time with. I said you and that we could get a coffee real quick. I should have told Paco then that I was going to get coffee with a guy friend but I knew he would get mad when there really wasn't anything for him to be mad about, my friend has a girlfriend and Paco knows him. As I was leaving I told my younger brother not to tell Paco because I knew he would get mad and, as I said before, there was no reason. He said "I'll think about it." I said please and left. I was sitting there with my friend talking and texting Paco at the same time when I get a message from him saying "I need to talk to you... I just talked to your brother." Then immediately after I get a phone call. I tell my friend to take me home and answer the phone. Paco tells me how angry he is and how full of **** and ridiculous I am and breaks up with me saying he never wants to talk to me again. I try to calm him down and ask him to let me explain but he wouldn't listen.

I must have called him 30 times and left 20 voice mails and sent multiple texts and emails asking for him to please talk to me and to give me another chance and how unbelievably sorry I was and how much I love him and that I was only trying to help a friend and never meant to hurt him. I begged and begged for him to talk to me and forgive me and give me another chance. I don't think there was one voice mail I left that I wasn't balling my eyes out in. He never answered or called back. I went to the game and as I was leaving got a message from him saying that he agreed to skype with me for a little but that I wouldn't be able to change how he felt. I stayed on the phone with him for about a 30 minutes of the drive home trying to get him to forgive me and believe me that I cared about him and loved him. He still didn't.

When I got home we started skyping. I, again, told him how sorry I was and that nothing would ever happen again and that I was only trying to help my friend and that I should have told him and so many things. All I wanted was another chance. But he said he had given me too many already (many of which were from the reasons I listed previously about why he gets mad at me). I balled my eyes out for at least and hour apologizing countless times saying how stupid I was and how much of and *** I was and that I would never do anything like that again. He just kept asking what he did to deserve me being so mean to him and that he wasted 5 months of his life and that he could barely trust me from the middle school boyfriend thing and now he would never trust me again. After a while of me crying and apologizing he said that he doesn't know why he's doing it but that he'd give me another chance.

He told me he'd never let me live it down and he'd never stop bringing it up. Well, he hasn't. I understand completely that what I did was horrible. I mean yes, I should be able to get coffee with my friend and not have to tell him. I knew he would get mad though and I shouldn't have done it. But I should have at least told him. Even though I knew he would get mad. And I shouldn't have asked my little brother not to tell him. So, I understand his anger and distrust.

But, my question for you (finally), do I deserve him being this angry with me? Like I said, I know what I did was wrong and I deserve him being mad at me for being deceitful. But should he be this mad? I was getting coffee with a friend (who has a significant other), he said himself that he knows I wasn't cheating. He won't stop bringing it up though and I apologize every time and I truly feel horrible. I'm just starting to wonder if I'll ever make him happy, especially after this..

My mom doesn't like the way he's been treating me and has been somewhat pushing for me to end things with him. And after this and with the way he's been acting about it (getting mad at me constantly for it and making me feel even worse than I already do) she thinks even more that I'll never be able to make him happy and that he's just not a nice guy. I really love him and care about him, I just don't know what to do or how to feel and I need some help just figuring everything out..

If you read this incredibly long story, thank you and I'm sorry. And I would be eternally thankful if you would help me and give me your opinion.

Thanks again.

[DoulaLC]

I know it is hard to break-up, but I would seriously count my blessings that is has happened.

Reread your own post and you will see numerous red flags flying all over the place! This guy is not happy, nor will he likely ever be happy, if he is not in control.

I don't believe you will ever make him happy... mad at you for not painting your fingernails the colour you said you would??

I'd end all contact. If he does contact you, simply tell him that you gave it some thought and you have to agree, it just isn't going to work. Then no further contact after that... don't respond to texts, e-mail, phone calls.

Sure you may care for him, but you have only been dating for about five months. You have learned, as dating different people allows you to do, what characteristics and behaviours you like and don't like in someone.

If nothing else, consider these two things:

If your best friend or a sister came to you and shared this exact story about her boyfriend, what would you tell her?

Do you feel as though you are walking on egg shells most of the time so as not to upset him?

[Enigma1999]

Okay, here is my take on the whole situation.

First, I too, like your Mother, don't like the way he treats you.

Paco sounds like a very selfish, uncaring person.

He wants things under HIS terms. He wants control.

Two things though that YOU did wrong, you didn't tell him about your friend and you took him back after he broke up with you.

I don't agree with holding information from your boyfriend. I do know, that he would have been mad regardless if you told him. So what.

I think you should break up with Paco and stop being a little baby. Stop apologizing to him and leave.

Stay focused on school and soccer.

There will be plenty of guys in the future.

Paco is no good for you. Please trust me on this. I see many red flags here.

[411Help]

You're so young. There's no need to get tangled up in so much drama with a control freak.

[answerme_tender]

So when did you stop being Allie and start accepting being Paco's verbal bashing bag? Don't you want more out of relationship, then have a loser continuously tell you what, where,how, to live your life, oh and lets not forget he also says whom you can do this with.
Your still young, don't waste anymore of your time and energy on a worthless, angry,controlling little boy.
Go out with friends,get back on the soccer bus if only to ride with rest of your team!!

[talaniman]

You are a well trained love slave, and he will make you as stupid an idiot as he is, unless you break up NOW, and get your dignity and self respect back. Not only will it get worse, he will dump you if you can't obey his every command no matter what it is.

If you were my daughter, I would beat his azz, then come home, and beat yours too, for being so foolish and stupid for a guy that's a bully and a loser. Sorry, I really did try to clean that up. Please understand I am a father with a daughter. :mad:


Edited, Your choice in guys is lousy!

Edited again, don't get the wrong idea, because I have never hit my daughter, she learned thru just talking to her how to make good choices and love herself enough to always keep her dignity and self respect so I wouldn't beat your azz, but you would be grounded until you knew better than take crap off a freaking loser guy.

[beijing890]

I could understand where you come from. He could make you confuse. He could be good, care and lovable in one day and angry, ugly next day. You will hope every fight is the last one. You could go back to the 'honeymood' period and stay there forever. But the cycle is keeping going and never stop. He like to be in control. That is the power hard to give up.
I have been married for 14 years with similar guy. It tooks me 14 years to figure this out. I am going through divorce but still struggle if I did the right thing because I have two kids.
But one thing I learned... from my experience. While I was a teenage, I always do things which my mom told me 'NO'.
You have stepped out of the box. Look at yourself outside... imaging watching yourself be treated like that... you could feel your sorry soul floating out of you...
Just follow your guts, you will know what to do.