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18 year old son resents mothers decision to separate
Hi all, my 18 yr old son whom I love with all my heart hates me. I have lived in a relationship for 5 yrs and my son and ex partner got along like a house on fire, they ended up being great mates. I made a dission after the latest alcohol binge of my then partner that enough was enough. The dynamics of 5 yrs has taken a toll on me. We have been living as a blended family in my home with his 15 yr daughter and it's been me financially supporting the partner and his daughter constantly . My son is so angry at me for my partner and I separating. He is so very sad . My son has been through this before with my second marriage to the husband having an affair and walking away never to bother with my 2 fantasic kids again. So I completely understand my son is hurting deep down and he is scared. My heart is braking but... No more will I live like this, I hope my ex partner will contact my son to ease my boys pain .
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It's tempting to say 'He's 18, an adult, old enough to deal with this' but I also understand how an 18 year old is between a child and adult, especially when he has lost father figures before and is a bit stuck emotionally. I would find a quiet time to sit down on the couch, take each of his hands, and say that you love him very much but have to take care of yourself too. I would not apologize, nor list all the reasons, nor express guilt. There are ways to say you are sad that he is hurt without opening the door to more recriminations. Somehow you have to mix love with a firm stand. He does have to learn to accept it.
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Joypulv, thanks a lot for your words of wisdom, I have indeed sat him down and had the chat, but it's so hard not to put the blame on myself! My beautiful young man in the last couple of days has settled , I even got a goodnight mum! I forget he is indeed a young man , I still feel like he's 10. Funnily enough he seems to have gotten a mature outlook at the moment since our chat. This is a fantastic web site and I thank you joypulv for your words again :)
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