[ononotagain]

I had a baby 6 months ago. I can't stop feeling angry and intensly hurt and sad. I know my husband will leave me eventually, just like he left his ex-wife. I am completely self-absorbed. I am taking my migraine meds just to numb out. They aren't even working anymore. My baby is awesome. He doesn't deserve such a bad mother. I had the same type of mother. She was sad and angry and depressed all the time. It made me feel scared. I am a terrible person because I know what is happening and I can't stop. Sometimes I feel OK and think it is behind me. I want to disappear. I used to care about what I look like. I used to be pretty and happy. But maybe I never was. No one understands. Or really wants to be bothered. Everyone has their own stuff. I feel really ashamed and guilty. I hurt everyone I love. Why is this happening to me? Why can't I get a grip?

[QLP]

Have you spoken to your health provider about this to discuss the possibility that you could be suffering from post-natal depression?

[talaniman]

I think a visit to your OB/GYN, would help you tremendously.

[ononotagain]

Yes, I am already on zoloft. Its not working I guess. Which makes me feel like there is no hope. My husband gets mad at me for feeling like that. No one (family) knows what to say when I tell them what's happening so I don't tell anyone anymore. Now I feel guilty for bothering you because you won't know what to say either. I just keep hoping it will pass. Thank you for trying. It made me feel good that someone cares.

[talaniman]

Unless you tell your physician that it doesn't seem to be working, or makes you feel worse, he can't make changes and adjustments that can work. Call him ASAP!

[Jake2008]

Other than you see yourself repeating your mother's history, and you see your husband repeating his history (by also divorcing you), what drives the intense anger, hurt, and sadness you feel.

What is your husband like as a husband and father, and did you have these feelings toward him before you had a child together? How is he supporting you, or is he supporting you, emotionally, while you are feeling this way. Do the two of you talk?

Have you had any history of mental illness, and have you had counselling in the past. Prescribing drugs is only one side of the coin. Are there any treatment options available to you to have counselling now.

I realize and appreciate how you feel, most new mothers do. And I too have been where you are, and have been treated off and on over the years for depression. (I presume your Doctor has diagnosed you with depression).

If you could make changes in your life, what would they be. Do you have any goals for the future- returning to work maybe? Getting involved again with friends, going out with your husband for dinner? Do you have any family or close friends that you can count on, even just to talk. Might not be a good idea to presume that they are so mixed up in their own lives that they don't have time for you.

In answer to your question, "Will I ever be happy"- of course you will. You are already identifying that which makes you unhappy. That is where counselling would help you build upon dealing with the current problems, and learning how to cope with the future.

If, as others have suggested, that post partum has set in, or has caused this sudden change in your thoughts and behaviours, by all means speak to your Doctor about it. If however, this has been an ongoing problem, prior to the baby being born, you will have to take an active role in seeking help.

It is hard to say where all this unhappiness is coming from, without maybe a little more history. My advice to you, on what you have written so far, is to please seek out a visit with your Doctor, and ask for a referral for counselling. And depending upon how long you have been on the Zoloft, if you find it is not helping, ask him to re-evaluate your treatment options, perhaps increasing it, or trying another one.

It is not uncommon for a depressed person to change and try different medications and doses, to determine what works best.